18 and lost

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      It all started the day I turned 18.
      It was my 18th birthday. I had big plans with my friends, but slowly each one of them canceled on me. I ended up messaging Mr.B and he was down to kick it but he was with J.R. I decided since everyone else bailed on me I’d go hang out with them, it was my birthday after all. I hung out with them for hours and at around 1 am J.R. gave me his jacket because we were standing outside and it was cold. That. That was the moment that changed it all. From that point on I was hooked. He was there for my on my birthday. He gave me his jacket and he just barley met me. It was fate. The first month of being together was amazing. He got me random gifts for no reason, brought me lunch to school (I was still in high school), etc.. he filled a void that has been in my life since I could remember. About a month later I find out I’m pregnant. We were so excited. So many emotions were going around. A month in I find out that the baby was gone and I needed a dnc done. I begged him to go and he promised he would but never showed. I was alone in that room. My parents came but it wasn’t the same. They had never experienced this. Finally after the procedure I get home and convince him to come over and then I find out he was hanging out with some girl instead of being there for me through the loss of our baby. From then on the relationship between my parents and I grew tense. His and my relationship grew tense. He told me to move in and things will be better. So I did. I started skipping school because he didn’t want me near my friends. He slowly started to belittle me. At first it was only mental. He would tell me I was ugly or fat. He slowly isolated me from everyone and everything. I was t allowed to go to school or have a job… I wasn’t even allowed to see my family. Then things got dark. He started breaking my things. My make up. My jewelry. My shoes. Anything that belonged to me. Then breaking things wasn’t enough and he started taking it out on me. Months went by. I almost failed high school. I was isolated. I was abused. I was alone. I was a prisoner of my own doing. I will never go into details of the things he did to me, but I’ve feared for my life many times. He tried leaving me for dead and stealing my car. I didn’t have the courage to leave. I stayed for a year until he finally left me for the girl he was seeing behind my back. Even after he left me he had to control me. I moved home. Got a job. He followed me from my house. He sat at my job. Every time he saw me he chased me down. Tried running me off the road. I moved, dropped off the face of the earth. He finally found a social media page and started trying to find me.

      I’m here to say, I know it’s hard ladies. I know some of us don’t have the strength or means to leave. I know. But I want you ladies to know that there are new ways to let us know you’re not safe so we can help you. I want you to know that it’s not your fault that you’re going through this! I want to help anyone who is struggling. So please please please reach out if you can! ❤️

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