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      Tiffany
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      I never expected myself to be able to open up especially on such a large level but my story needs to be heard so I can potentially save thousands of women and children from suffering as we have. Although this has many triggers and horrors to it, I hope that many can get to the end and leave an unsafe situation. 

      March 19 2020 I came home to eat lunch, I’m active duty military. The schools had already shifted to virtual learning and so my 7 and 8 year old were in the home doing school work. I walked into the kitchen to wash my hands and was met with sinks full of dirty dishes. A simple question of why he didn’t clean the dishes lead to a violent angry outburst which ended in attempted murder of me and my unborn child. He followed me from the kitchen to the master bedroom then into the bathroom and blocked me in. He became irate and told me to kill him because that was the only way he was gonna leave. He screamed this at me over and over. He charged at me and grabbed me in a bear hug and lifted me off the ground. I thought my unborn child and I were gonna die while I was dangling there being squeezed to death. He eventually dropped me, and stepped back and continued screaming to kill him because that’s the only way he’s leaving. He eventually stopped then walked out like nothing happened. Fearing the worst for my kids I went out to make sure he didn’t harm them, but he walked out the front door and called the police. He had enough time to make his head bleed and fabricate a story about how he was the victim. The police of course believed him despite the battered pregnant woman and her hysterical children that heard everything. Since this happened in housing on a military base, and I’m the active duty service member they required me to leave the house and my dependent spouse/abuser to remain in the home. They called DSS and removed my kids from the home and allowed no contact for 24 hours until they could have a caseworker interview the kids. The Marine Corps, the Air Force, military law enforcement, and DSS all failed me and my children in every way and in fact I received punishment from my military command.

      In the separation I achieved perfect clarity in regards to my relationship/marriage, that I had dealt with a nasty, manipulative, violent narcissist. To everyone else, he elicited or solicited sympathy, but to me he had done a superb job of conditioning and controlling me. To this day, he still has not been punished nor penalized in any way for any of his crimes and wrongdoings. The aftermath has proven great suffering for me and my kids and we are still in therapy for the psychological damages sustained. I had always thought that once the law found out about abuse, the abuser was removed and punished, and the victims were protected and cared for, but this was not the resolve in my situation.

      I ask you to trust yourself and that feeling that something isn’t right about your situation. I ask you to see the red flags for what they are and don’t wait until there’s an escalation of violence. I ask you to completely disregard anyone that doesn’t support your decision to leave an unsafe situation. I ask you to forgive yourself for falling for this person, loving this person, and staying with this person for so long. I ask you to be very gentle and compassionate with yourself while you heal. I ask you to reach out for resources to help with domestic violence situations and get a good victims advocate. Most importantly, please do not stay in an unsafe situation and leave as soon as safely possible. 

      Please do share this so that hopefully my story will save lives.

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