this is so hard

[A]

I left my abuser 4.5 years ago, but still attempt to co-parent because we have 2 boys together.

My ex got a new victim about 3 years ago (one of the young teachers helpers at my children’s school.)

While we were together he taught my kids they didn’t have to respect me, then the last 3 years they’ve been taught they don’t have to respect her. And it’s now becoming very hard for me to parent them because they think everything I tell them to do they don’t have to listen and just want to go live with their dad.

However, they can’t even see their dad right now because he’s been abusing his current victim so badly that she took a leave of absence from the school and the schools principal called me to tell me about all the abuse that has been “alleged”.

After that call about a month and half ago I stopped letting them spend the night at their fathers. I didn’t want to stop him from seeing them completely (for their sake, not his) so I’ve offered he can take them out for the day but no overnights.

That only lasted a week because it wasn’t “fun” for him anymore and if he doesn’t have them overnight he feels he’s not in control so now he’s stopped seeing them all together.

My kids are so angry at me. My oldest ruined mother’s day yesterday and is just full of anger. They hate me because they think I’m just keeping them from their dad, but I’m just trying to keep them safe.

I’m also losing my own mind in that being a single mother is sooo hard especially with very little support. Day in and day out raising 2 boys alone with a father they look up to (that my biggest fear is them turning out like).

I’m exhausted. I don’t want to do this anymore. but I know I have no other choice….

there’s just gotta be an easier way.

[Author]

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