By: Jenn Rockefeller<\/p>\n\n\n\n
It’s not obvious, and it’s not all at once. It’s subtle and\ncreeps up towards you. It’s so subtle that you won’t know what’s happening\nuntil it’s right on top of you and maybe not even then!<\/p>\n\n\n\n
What is “it”? <\/p>\n\n\n\n
It’s called isolation, and abusers use it to systematically\ntake you away from and destroy your relationships with your support system. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
What isolation is\nnot: <\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n Many outsiders seem to think that when someone is in an\nabusive relationship, they are immediately abused and isolated from family,\nfriends, and their support system. That’s not how isolation works at all. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Slow and methodical: <\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n Just like poker players, abusers do not show their full hand\nin regards to what cards they are holding. That would give them away. They need\na plan, a process that will slowly strip their victim of all autonomy, freedom,\nconfidence, and esteem. Their end goal is to have the victim all to themselves\nso that the only person the victim can trust is the abuser. <\/p>\n\n\n\n My isolation started only a few months into dating my ex. We\nboth found jobs nearly three hours away from where we grew up. We moved in\ntogether so that we could live close to where we’d be working. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Living together was not enough for him. I could easily still\ntake my car and drive the three hours to be with my support system. Nearly two\nyears later, he became active duty military, and we picked up and moved across\nthe country. He had me physically isolated \u2013 I had no friends, no job, and no\none to rely on. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Abusers do not just rely on physical isolation, either. They\nemploy the use of emotional isolation, too. At the beginning of the isolation\nprocess for me, the ex would weave in how those closest to me were terrible for\nme. He told me things to make me believe that they were coming in between us\nand going to ruin the relationship. He worked his manipulation magic to drive\nwedges in between those I relied on the most in my support system. <\/p>\n\n\n\n In an article on Speak Out Loud, Clare Murphy, Ph.D. writes, “Some tactics aimed at isolating the victim include telling her that she cares more for her friends, family, and pets than for him, telling her he’s the only one who understands her and loves her.”<\/em>\u00a0 I remember my ex doing close to the same thing with my family and cats \u2013 he’d say that I love them more than him, even threatened to toss the cats out onto the streets if I didn’t stop paying all of my attention to them. That’s when I emotionally withdrew from my friends, family, and cats.<\/p>\n\n\n\n They see your\nweaknesses: <\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n These weaknesses may not even be actual weaknesses. They may\nbe what the abuser perceives to be weaknesses and will exploit them any chance\nthey get. Let’s say your parents divorced when you were young. The abuser may\nact as the father figure (or mother figure) for you and tell you that they\nwon’t abandon you and that they are the only person who knows how to take care\nof you. <\/p>\n\n\n\n