{"id":10504,"date":"2020-03-19T17:03:58","date_gmt":"2020-03-20T00:03:58","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/btsadv.wpengine.com\/?p=10504"},"modified":"2020-03-19T17:04:03","modified_gmt":"2020-03-20T00:04:03","slug":"survivor-story-i-temporarily-lost-custody-of-my-son-after-a-brutal-attack","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/breakthesilencedv.org\/?p=10504","title":{"rendered":"Survivor Story: I Temporarily Lost Custody of My Son After A Brutal Attack"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Submitted by: *Marta, Survivor<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><em>Children are not spared the trauma of witnessing domestic\nviolence in the home. According to the National Domestic Violence Hotline, <a href=\"https:\/\/www.thehotline.org\/resources\/statistics\/\">children are targets<\/a>\nof abuse by 30-60% of perpetrators in homes where domestic violence occurs.\nAdditionally, witnessing abuse in the home dramatically increases their risk of\nexperiencing neglect and fatality as well as domestic and sexual violence later\nin life.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><em>After a brutal attack, Marta sent her son to a friend&#8217;s\nhome, where she felt he would be safe. Child protective services later took\ncustody of her son. Before finally winning him back, Marta&#8217;s son went through\none foster home as well as stay in a group home in just under three months. She\nshares with us how this temporary loss of custody affected her and how her\nsurviving abuse has fostered a need within herself to help others who have\nexperienced domestic violence.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">My experience with domestic violence begins like most, the\nusual &#8220;boy meets girl&#8221; story. We shared laughter, intimacy, and\nthoughtful conversations. I fell in love with him, and, at first, things went\nwell between us. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">The first time he put his hands on me was in October 2015,\nseveral months after he moved in with my son and me. After we had been together\nfor a year, he strangled me. I vaguely remember what started it or what he may\nhave said to me, but I can remember crying and struggling to breathe as his\nhands tightened around my throat. Each time I begged him to let go, he only\nsqueezed harder. He asked me, <em>&#8220;Do you want to die? Let&#8217;s die together.&#8221;<\/em>\n<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><strong><em>One of the first warnings that Marta disregarded was his\nshort fuse \u2013 even with small things. <\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">This man that I fell in love with drastically changed. I\nignored the red flags and warning signs, especially the fact that the smallest\nof things could set him off. If I broke something accidentally, he would\nexplode in anger. When I would ask a simple question, he would snap like a twig.\n<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">For the next year, at least seven days a month, I was subjected\nto random physical assaults that usually happened without warning. He was also\nunfaithful. Each time he went to see other women, he told me that I just needed\nto accept his behavior \u2013 abuse and his open infidelity \u2013while he lived for free\nin my home. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">What in the world was I thinking? I thought that I could\nlove the hatred and anger out of him to &#8216;make&#8217; him a better person. I started\nto deteriorate physically, emotionally, spiritually. Because of the emotional\nanguish I felt, I started to stay in bed most of the day, cut myself, and ended\nup attempting suicide. All the while, I wondered why it was happening to me. The\nabuse went on for over a year. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">On September 4<sup>th<\/sup>, 2016, our lives changed\nforever. He beat me so severely that my son came running into the house to stop\nhim. He had hit the back of my head so many times that I blacked out while he strangled\nme. Every part of me hurt. My neighbors called the police. Was he arrested? No.\nDid I press charges? No \u2013 I was filled with absolute fear.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><strong><em>Even though Marta sent her son to stay where he would\nbe safe, Child Protective Services soon intervened by assuming custody of her son.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">I sent my son away to a friend&#8217;s house where he would be\nsafe. From there, things turned from bad to worse. My son was taken into the\ncustody of Child Protective Services at the end of September 2016. I broke down\ncompletely and was hurt, angry, and terrified. My son did not deserve this. He\nwent through one foster home and a group home. I fought hard to get him back,\nworking day and night to make it happen. Finally, my son was returned to my\ncustody in December 2016, just ahead of Christmas. The only gift I wanted that\nyear was to have my son back with me. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">In the meantime, my abuser moved on to live with another woman.\nMy son and I both insisted that, at the time, we did not want to press charges.\nEven though we knew he needed to be held accountable, we also knew he would\nhave hurt me more, or possibly even killed me. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><strong><em>Marta&#8217;s experiences have led to her wanting to find a\nway to help other victims and survivors of domestic violence.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">I want to remove the stigma from those who experience\ndomestic violence and advocate for the victims and survivors of all forms of\nabuse. For me, it is sad that one wants to talk about it or make changes,\nincluding our government agencies in my state. I want to be the voice of all\nwho have endured abuse and domestic and sexual violence, and I want to speak\nfor the ones who are not able to speak for themselves because they have lost\ntheir lives to domestic violence murder.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">When I think about things my ex said to me after hurting me, like the times he told me that he was afraid that one day he would kill me, I also think about accountability and access to resources. How can we bring about stiffer consequences and address mental health concerns for abusers? How do we get to the root of the problem, the underlying causes of abuse, because it does not lie with the victims? What steps can we take to ensure that victims have more access to resources after leaving dangerous situations? In what ways can we help the children who have witnessed domestic violence, hear the abuse, or become victims themselves?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">I pray about this regularly and patiently wait for God to\nopen the doors for me to do this. Many have told me that I would make a great\npeer advocate, but I question whether I am ready for this emotionally. My\ncounselor even told me she could see me being a peer counselor someday. However,\nI am just not sure when that will happen. When the time comes, will I have the\nstrength to do it? <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">I can say this much. When the Lord nudges you, you should\nlisten to what He is telling you. Even if you do not think you can do it, even\nif you feel you are not ready, He will make a way.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">I wanted to share my story with others in hopes that it will\nhelp someone else. They are not alone in this, and, as many times as I have\nheard the infamous question, &#8220;Why did you stay?&#8221; I can say now to others\nsuffering through abuse now, I am here for you and will pray for you through\nthis.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><em>*Name has been changed to protect the identity of the survivor.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><em>**If you or someone you know is in an abusive relationship, there is\nhelp. You can visit the Break the Silence website at <\/em><a href=\"https:\/\/breakthesilencedv.org\"><em>www.breakthesilencedv.org<\/em><\/a><em>, chat with one of our helpline advocates at\n855-287-1777, or send a private message through our Facebook page. For crisis\nservices, you can contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at\n800-799-7233.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><em>========<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><em>What&#8217;s YOUR Raw\nTruth?<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><em>Sharing our\nstories can be incredibly empowering while also helping others connect with\nsurvivors who have similar experiences. <\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><em>If you are\ninspired to share your story with us, <\/em><a href=\"https:\/\/breakthesilencedv.org\/break-your-silence\/\"><em>submit here<\/em><\/a><em>.\nYou can choose to remain anonymous.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><em>Our programs are possible because of our amazing community of\nsupporters. If you&#8217;d like to make a financial gift to support our services,\nplease visit our <\/em><a href=\"https:\/\/breakthesilencedv.org\/donate\/\"><em>donation\npage<\/em><\/a><em>.<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Submitted by: *Marta, Survivor Children are not spared the trauma of witnessing domestic violence in the home. According to the National Domestic Violence Hotline, children are targets of abuse by 30-60% of perpetrators in homes where domestic violence occurs. Additionally, witnessing abuse in the home dramatically increases their risk of experiencing neglect and fatality as [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":4,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[6],"tags":[214,90,116,117,128,34],"class_list":["post-10504","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-break-your-silence","tag-child-custody","tag-domestic-violence","tag-emotional-abuse","tag-physical-abuse","tag-trauma","tag-verbal-abuse"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v28.8 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>Survivor Story: I Temporarily Lost Custody of My Son After A Brutal Attack - Break the Silence Against Domestic Violence<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/breakthesilencedv.org\/?p=10504\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Survivor Story: I Temporarily Lost Custody of My Son After A Brutal Attack - Break the Silence Against Domestic Violence\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Submitted by: *Marta, Survivor Children are not spared the trauma of witnessing domestic violence in the home. 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