Submitted by: *Ashley, survivor<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Leaving an abusive relationship is the most dangerous\ntime for a victim of domestic violence. The risks of leaving include many\nretaliatory behaviors such as assaults, hostage and kidnapping situations,\nstalking, and fatality. These risks extend far beyond the members of the\nhousehold and include the victim, children, pets, their friends and family, neighbors,\nand law enforcement officers responding to emergency calls for assistance.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n Because of these risks, advocates advise not informing\nthe abuser when planning to leave. Even in cases where that has been no\nphysical abuse, the act of leaving strips the control from the abuser, creating\na volatile situation.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n After enduring several years in an abusive marriage, Ashley\ntold her abuser that she was going to leave. He retaliated against her by\nassaulting her and later used their son to maintain control over her. Learn\nmore about the circumstances that led up to Ashley leaving, the hardships she\nhas faced to regain access to her son, and where she is now.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n In 2012, Ashley was convinced that she had found the love of her life. For her, it was love at first sight, and it felt perfect. He was everything she ever wanted and more. However, after a few months, he started to change. Over time, he went from wanting to get married one day and build a family to constantly manipulating Ashley and making it appear as though she was crazy. Through it all, she still tried to make it work. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Ashley took him back time and time again.\nEach time he would find a new way to make her seem like she was the one with\nissues, and then he would reel her back in by begging her to come back and saying\nhe was sorry. After a year of this, she decided that she still wanted to marry\nhim. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Not long after the wedding, he stopped paying\nattention to her. He spent most of his time at his mother\u2019s house, and when he\nwas around, he was on his phone. While he was at home with Ashley, his\nbehaviors were anything but loving or healthy. He stopped showering and no\nlonger slept in the same bed as Ashley. It left her feeling like they were not\nmarried at all. <\/p>\n\n\n\n After making it through a difficult\npregnancy, Ashley\u2019s husband left her to take care of their son alone.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n In November 2013, their son was conceived. Ashley\nwas able to pinpoint the exact time, place, and date because they did not\nusually spend any time together. Looking back, she believes he planned it\nbecause he knew that Ashley was ready to leave. Shortly after finding out she\nwas pregnant, she started bleeding, and they rushed to the hospital. He then\nwent to work and left her at the hospital alone. Ashley\u2019s mom went to the\nhospital to sit with her so she would not be alone waiting to hear whether or\nnot she was miscarrying. Fortunately, her baby was okay. <\/p>\n\n\n\n During her pregnancy, Ashley was so sick that\nshe lost 20 pounds and relied on her mom to help her because her husband was\nnowhere to be found. On the infrequent occasions he was home, he was sleeping,\nand he would leave when he woke up. Ashley and her son almost died during\nchildbirth, and her husband seemed more concerned with going back to work. After\nmaking it through labor, their son was in the NICU, and Ashley was given high\ndoses of iron to help her recover from the high volume of blood she lost while\ngiving birth to their son. <\/p>\n\n\n\n For the first year of their son’s life, Ashley\nwas his sole caregiver. She breastfed, changed all his diapers, and took care\nof him without any help from her husband. He was only around to take pictures\nto share on social media and make himself look like an attentive father. <\/p>\n\n\n\n After a temporary separation, Ashley\ntook her husband back in, thinking he would change, and the abuse continued to\nescalate.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n The stress Ashley experienced contributed to\nthem splitting up six months after their son\u2019s first birthday. Ashley\nsacrificed everything to feed her two children and lost 60 pounds in the\nprocess. Her ex refused to pay child support and did not visit his child. After\na while, she took him back, thinking that after time had passed, he would have\nchanged. He did change, but not for the better. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Over the next three years, he abused Ashley in every way possible. She was not allowed to know how much money he had. He constantly turned her against friends and family because they were trying to end their relationship. He started making everyone around her think she was crazier than before. He poked holes in condoms and beat her, causing a miscarriage. He would force himself on her when she was sleeping, and he even hit her and smashed her phone. <\/p>\n\n\n\n When Ashley stopped responding to his behaviors, he escalated the abuse. To avoid him as much as possible and minimize some of the assaults, she started sleeping all the time. He hid money from her and spent it on alcohol, often neglecting to set aside any for food for the family. By then, Ashley thought that either she was going to end her own life \u2013 or he would \u2013 but she no longer felt that she would make it out alive.<\/p>\n\n\n\n When Ashley reached a point where she could\nno longer handle the abuse, she informed her husband that she wanted to leave. He\nresponded by assaulting her and leaving with their son after a friend called\nthe police.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n The day came when Ashley had enough, and\nafter talking with an old friend from high school, they promised they would\nhelp her leave. They brought her food when he was at work and maintained\nconstant contact in case they needed to call the police. Later, when Ashley\ndecided she could no longer handle living with the abuse, she told her husband that\nshe was leaving as soon as she found somewhere to go. She also told him that he\nneeded to leave her alone until she was able to leave. <\/p>\n\n\n\n After their conversation, he went out drinking\nand came home drunk. He started throwing around Ashley\u2019s belongings, some of\nthem at her. When she laughed at him for how he was acting, he pushed her and\nhit her across the face. The commotion of the assault woke up their son, who\nwitnessed Ashley on the floor holding her face. His father stood over her, hand\npositioned as though he was ready to strike her again. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Instead of hitting Ashley again, he went into\nthe room with their son. She took the opportunity to get out of the house,\nwhere she found the police waiting in response to a call they received from her\nfriend. After calling out to Ashley\u2019s husband, who refused to come out\nwillingly, the officers entered the house to talk to him. Because their son was\nthere with him, instead of doing anything in front of the child, the officers asked\nAshley\u2019s mother-in-law to come to pick him up. When she came to pick him up,\nthey also took the child with them. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Ashley was not allowed to see her son until\ntwo months later. She was too scared to reach out to her husband and\nmother-in-law, and they refused to let her mom watch him to keep Ashley from\nseeing him. They told the judge that she abandoned her son and was not a good\nperson. He had pictures of injuries he sustained when Ashley had tried to fight\nhim off during assaults. Her husband had planned to discredit her and make me\nlook bad if she left so he could still have power over her by keeping her away\nfrom her son. <\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cNow, nearly a year after leaving, he continues\nto use our son to hurt me. Despite expecting me to tell him everything, he refuses\nto share information with me about our son. He manipulates things I do against me\nto make me look like I am a bad parent \u2013 even though he has made choices that\nresulted in him not being able to watch our son alone.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cI learned to fight back and stay alive. In\nhis eyes, that makes me bad, but all his behavior seems to be excused as\nacceptable to him and his family. I only get to see my son for one day during\nthe week and every other weekend as retribution for leaving my abuser. But I am\nstill alive to fight another day. I rebuild my life so I can get my son back and\nprevent him from getting hurt as well.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n *Name(s) have been\nchanged \u2013 and in some cases omitted \u2013 to protect the identity of the survivor\nand others affected by the abuse.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n **If you or someone\nyou know is in an abusive relationship, there is help. You can visit the Break\nthe Silence website at <\/em>www.breakthesilencedv.org<\/em><\/a>, chat with one of our helpline advocates at\n855-287-1777, or send a private message through our Facebook page. For crisis\nservices, you can contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at\n800-799-7233.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n ========<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n What\u2019s YOUR Raw Truth?<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n Sharing our stories can be incredibly empowering while\nalso helping others connect with survivors who have similar experiences. <\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n If you are inspired to share your story with us, <\/em>submit here<\/em><\/a>.\nYou can choose to remain anonymous.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n