{"id":10565,"date":"2020-03-31T14:48:17","date_gmt":"2020-03-31T21:48:17","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/btsadv.wpengine.com\/?p=10565"},"modified":"2020-03-31T14:48:21","modified_gmt":"2020-03-31T21:48:21","slug":"survivor-story-he-blamed-me-for-his-drinking-and-assaulted-me-when-i-tried-to-take-our-daughter-to-my-mothers-house","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/breakthesilencedv.org\/?p=10565","title":{"rendered":"Survivor Story: He Blamed Me for His Drinking and Assaulted Me When I Tried to Take Our Daughter to My Mother&#8217;s House"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Submitted by: *Eliza, Survivor<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><em>Many people falsely believe that drug and alcohol abuse\nand mental health issues are key underlying causes of domestic violence. Rather,\nthese are contributory factors that have been shown to increase the frequency\nand severity of abuse experienced by the victim. Differences in how control,\nawareness, and choice <a href=\"https:\/\/www.supremecourt.ohio.gov\/JCS\/domesticViolence\/topics\/DVCourts\/DVSubstanceAbuse.pdf\">present\nin the dynamics<\/a> of domestic violence versus substance abuse or mental health\nissues require an ability to recognize that an abuser is not <strong>controlled\n<\/strong>by violence, but rather the <strong>controller<\/strong> of how it is used.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><em>Early in her relationship, Eliza noticed that her abuser\u2019s\nexcessive consumption of alcohol contributed toward the anger he had directed\nat her. Initially, however, she blamed it on drinking and PTSD and ignored red\nflags as they cropped up. After she voiced concerns that he had driven home\nwhile intoxicated and told him that she was going to take her daughter to her\nmother\u2019s house, he assaulted her. Find out what motivated her to fight back.<\/em>\n<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Eliza was with her abuser for five years. When they were\ndating, he seemed perfect. He gave her gifts, showed her love, and was always\nthere whenever she needed him. The only time he became angry was when he was\ndrinking, so she ignored the problems and all the signs that something could be\nwrong. Eliza wanted him to be everything, so his alcoholism was a minor issue\nfor her at first.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">She mostly remembers him yelling and screaming. There were a\nfew occasions where he pulled a towel rack off the wall or punched the walls,\nbut he never did anything that physically hurt her. Eliza wrote it off as being\nthe PTSD he suffered from as a result of serving in the Army.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Not long before Eliza\u2019s daughter turned three, he had gotten\nbored with his day-to-day life. He was between semesters at school and did not\nhave a job. The only thing he had to do was watch their daughter. Boredom made\nhim drink more, and he would have two or three drinks before Eliza got home from\nwork at night. She was afraid every night that he was drinking and tried to\ntell him how she felt about his issues. He only told her that it was not his\nfault; it was hers. According to him, Eliza caused him to drink and any problems\nrelated to that were her doing.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">One September night, he got drunk and drove home. Eliza was upset,\nbut she tried to understand where he was coming from. In response to her\nconcerns, he told her that it was her fault and that she should get her OCD\nunder control before lecturing him about his problems. Eliza told him that she did\nnot think the environment was a healthy one for their daughter and decided that\nshe and her daughter were going to her parents for the night so she could\nthink. That was not what he wanted to hear.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">He grabbed Eliza by the ponytail and threw her across the\nkitchen. She was thrown hard enough that her head dented the trashcan as she hit\nit. He started punching her in the back, so Eliza turned around to keep him\nfrom hitting her and causing a severe spinal injury. He tried to strangle her,\nbut she managed to free herself from his grip. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Once she got away, Eliza tried to call the police, but he\ntook the phone out of her hand, threw it, and continued to punch her. She slid\nunder him and got to the knife drawer, where she managed to find something to\ndefend herself. The entire time he attacked her, Eliza screamed for help, but no\none seemed to hear her screams. Eliza managed to poke at him a few times with\nthe knife, but in the end, he only stopped assaulting her because he got tired.\n<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><em>\u201cI was able to move him away from me and called the\npolice. That night, I left and didn&#8217;t turn back. I knew I had to be there for my\ndaughter. If I hadn&#8217;t fought as hard as I did, my daughter would be without a\nmother. I couldn&#8217;t give up.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><em>*Name(s) have been changed \u2013 and in some cases omitted \u2013 to protect the identity of the survivor and others affected by the abuse.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><em>**If\nyou or someone you know is in an abusive relationship, there is help. You can\nvisit the Break the Silence website at <\/em><a href=\"https:\/\/breakthesilencedv.org\"><em>www.breakthesilencedv.org<\/em><\/a><em>, chat with one of our helpline advocates at\n855-287-1777, or send a private message through our Facebook page. For crisis\nservices, you can contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800-799-7233.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><em>========<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><em>What\u2019s YOUR Raw Truth?<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><em>Sharing our stories can be incredibly\nempowering while also helping others connect with survivors who have similar\nexperiences. <\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><em>If you are inspired to share your story\nwith us, <\/em><a href=\"https:\/\/breakthesilencedv.org\/break-your-silence\/\"><em>submit\nhere<\/em><\/a><em>. You can choose to remain anonymous.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><em>Our\nprograms are possible because of our amazing community of supporters. If you\u2019d\nlike to make a financial gift to support our services, please visit our <\/em><a href=\"https:\/\/breakthesilencedv.org\/donate\/\"><em>donation\npage<\/em><\/a><em>.<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Submitted by: *Eliza, Survivor Many people falsely believe that drug and alcohol abuse and mental health issues are key underlying causes of domestic violence. Rather, these are contributory factors that have been shown to increase the frequency and severity of abuse experienced by the victim. Differences in how control, awareness, and choice present in the [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":4,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[6],"tags":[172,90,116,117,82,128,34],"class_list":["post-10565","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-break-your-silence","tag-alcohol-abuse","tag-domestic-violence","tag-emotional-abuse","tag-physical-abuse","tag-ptsd","tag-trauma","tag-verbal-abuse"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v28.8 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>Survivor Story: He Blamed Me for His Drinking and Assaulted Me When I Tried to Take Our Daughter to My Mother&#039;s House - Break the Silence Against Domestic Violence<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/breakthesilencedv.org\/?p=10565\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Survivor Story: He Blamed Me for His Drinking and Assaulted Me When I Tried to Take Our Daughter to My Mother&#039;s House - Break the Silence Against Domestic Violence\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Submitted by: *Eliza, Survivor Many people falsely believe that drug and alcohol abuse and mental health issues are key underlying causes of domestic violence. 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