{"id":10571,"date":"2020-03-31T20:23:54","date_gmt":"2020-04-01T03:23:54","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/btsadv.wpengine.com\/?p=10571"},"modified":"2020-03-31T20:23:59","modified_gmt":"2020-04-01T03:23:59","slug":"survivor-story-i-knew-it-was-time-to-leave-when-i-considered-suicide-after-18-years-of-abuse","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/breakthesilencedv.org\/?p=10571","title":{"rendered":"Survivor Story: I Knew It Was Time to Leave When I Considered Suicide After 18 Years of Abuse"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Submitted by: *Mandy, Survivor<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><em>Whether we are in an abusive relationship for a relatively\nshort time or many years, developing depression and considering suicide as an\noption to end our suffering are painful realities many of us face. It is estimated\nthat <a href=\"https:\/\/www.domesticshelters.org\/articles\/health\/domestic-violence-survivors-at-higher-risk-for-suicide\">approximately\n23%<\/a> of survivors of intimate partner violence attempt suicide. This is\ndisproportionately higher than the rates among those who have not been abused.\nSignificant risk factors include, but are not limited to, types and severity of\nabuse suffered, pre-existing trauma, and depression. &nbsp;&nbsp;<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><em>For a parent facing abuse, the prospect of leaving\nchildren behind often eclipses their own emotional pain. After 18 years of\nabuse, Mandy reached her breaking point and felt she could not go on living.\nFind out what happened the day she decided she wanted to end her life and what\nstopped her from following through.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">I was in an abusive relationship for 18 years, from the age\nof 13 until I turned 31. Not only did I marry my abuser, but I also had two\nchildren with him \u2013 something that I still do not understand to this day. I\nhave spent years battling through the aftermath and trying to forgive myself. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">By the time I turned 14 years old, he had controlled who I spent\ntime with. When I was 16, he had begun physically abusing me. He drove us into\na field and started slamming my head against the inside of my car. Once we got to\na place where I felt sure I could escape, I jumped from the vehicle and ran\naway. I called the police, but because we were just kids, nothing was done to\nhelp me. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">After that incident, I did leave him, but, somehow, he ended\nup right back in my life. I remember my mom telling me that she wished a man\nloved her as much as he loved me. When she said that, I really wanted to tell\nher it was not love but control. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">By the time I was 17, we were living together. We were married\nwhen I was 23; our daughter was born the following year, and our son the year after\nthat. I was abused daily; if I was not harmed physically, there was always verbal\nand mental abuse. He was a monster, and I decided that I was going to end my\nlife. I did not want to leave my kids behind, and for a second, my confusion\nand suffering led me to think that I would have to take them with me. In that\ninstant, I realized I was not thinking clearly, and I knew that I needed to get\nout before anything else happened to us. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">The last night he attacked me was another night in a long line\nof assaults that I endured over the years. After he told me that he was going\nto kill me, I tapped the call button on my phone to dial the last person I\nspoke to and set my phone down. He was focused in a rage and did not realize\nthat my mom was listening to what was happening. She called 911, and once again,\nhe was arrested. I quickly gathered my children and some clothes, and I never\nlooked back. I lost everything I ever had but gained so much in return. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">I never really got much help from the legal system during\nthe 18 years we were together. He was ordered by the court to go through anger\nmanagement classes, which he did a total of four times. He is in prison now but\nwill be released fairly soon, and I am scared of what he will do when he is\nreleased. He has not seen my children since they were 11 and 12 years old, and\nthey are now 15 and 16 years old. It has been nine years since I escaped, but I\nwish I left sooner. I have many unseen scars left behind.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><em>*Name(s) have been changed \u2013 and in some cases omitted \u2013 to protect the identity of the survivor and others affected by the abuse.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><em><strong>**If you are struggling with depression and considering suicide, there is help. Dial 911 or reach out to the\u00a0<\/strong><\/em><a href=\"https:\/\/suicidepreventionlifeline.org\/\"><em>National Suicide Prevention Lifeline<\/em><\/a><em>\u00a0<strong>at 800-273-8255.<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><em>***If you or someone you know is in an abusive relationship, there is\nhelp. You can visit the Break the Silence website at <\/em><a href=\"https:\/\/breakthesilencedv.org\"><em>www.breakthesilencedv.org<\/em><\/a><em>, chat with one of our helpline advocates at\n855-287-1777, or send a private message through our Facebook page. For crisis\nservices, you can contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at\n800-799-7233.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><em>========<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><em>What\u2019s YOUR Raw\nTruth?<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><em>Sharing our\nstories can be incredibly empowering while also helping others connect with\nsurvivors who have similar experiences. <\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><em>If you are\ninspired to share your story with us, <\/em><a href=\"https:\/\/breakthesilencedv.org\/break-your-silence\/\"><em>submit here<\/em><\/a><em>.\nYou can choose to remain anonymous.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><em>Our programs are possible because of our amazing community of\nsupporters. If you\u2019d like to make a financial gift to support our services,\nplease visit our <\/em><a href=\"https:\/\/breakthesilencedv.org\/donate\/\"><em>donation\npage<\/em><\/a><em>.<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Submitted by: *Mandy, Survivor Whether we are in an abusive relationship for a relatively short time or many years, developing depression and considering suicide as an option to end our suffering are painful realities many of us face. It is estimated that approximately 23% of survivors of intimate partner violence attempt suicide. This is disproportionately [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":4,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[6],"tags":[170,90,116,117,87,182,128,34],"class_list":["post-10571","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-break-your-silence","tag-depression","tag-domestic-violence","tag-emotional-abuse","tag-physical-abuse","tag-suicide","tag-threats","tag-trauma","tag-verbal-abuse"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v28.8 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>Survivor Story: I Knew It Was Time to Leave When I Considered Suicide After 18 Years of Abuse - Break the Silence Against Domestic Violence<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/breakthesilencedv.org\/?p=10571\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Survivor Story: I Knew It Was Time to Leave When I Considered Suicide After 18 Years of Abuse - Break the Silence Against Domestic Violence\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Submitted by: *Mandy, Survivor Whether we are in an abusive relationship for a relatively short time or many years, developing depression and considering suicide as an option to end our suffering are painful realities many of us face. 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