{"id":12506,"date":"2020-11-20T08:30:00","date_gmt":"2020-11-20T15:30:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/btsadv.wpengine.com\/?p=12506"},"modified":"2020-12-24T00:10:05","modified_gmt":"2020-12-24T07:10:05","slug":"sometimes-its-deeper-than-love-its-trauma-bonding","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/breakthesilencedv.org\/?p=12506","title":{"rendered":"Sometimes It’s Deeper Than Love: It’s Trauma Bonding"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

\u00a0You\u2019ve had enough.<\/span><\/i><\/p>

You\u2019ve made plans to leave and have everything ready.\u00a0<\/span><\/i><\/p>

You know you don\u2019t deserve the maltreatment and abuse that you are subject to day after day at the hands of your intimate partner.\u00a0<\/span><\/i><\/p>

It\u2019s time to finally flee.<\/span><\/i><\/p>

But, he loves you.<\/span><\/i><\/p>

And you love him.\u00a0<\/span><\/i><\/p>

He\u2019s the only person who truly understands and cares for you.\u00a0<\/span><\/i><\/p>

An indescribable force forbids you from deserting the relationship.\u00a0<\/span><\/i><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

What is Trauma Bonding?<\/b><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

This \u201cindescribable force\u201d is known as trauma bonding.  Lack of money\/resources, nowhere to go, and fear are often brought up when listing reasons why a victim of domestic violence (DV)\u2014 aka intimate partner violence (IPV)\u2014refuses to leave or returns to their abuser. Of course, these are all valid reasons why a person may choose to stay in an unhealthy relationship; however, trauma bonding describes a less measurable, less visible reason many victims have a difficult time leaving their abuser. The term trauma bonding is a relatively new concept first used by Patrick Carnes to describe \u201cthe misuse of fear, excitement, sexual feelings, and sexual physiology to entangle another person <\/span>[1]<\/span><\/a>.\u201d <\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

How does it relate to abuse?<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
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Trauma bonding directly ties into the cycle of abuse that is often discussed with IPV. In this cycle, the abused person learns to associate the violent episode with the showering of love and affection that follows. Because the victim feels intense love and care from the abuser during the crisis and honeymoon phase, they often believe that the abuse that follows is due to something they have done, and therefore, something they can change\/control. This is especially true for people who were also victims of abuse in their childhood <\/span>[2]<\/span><\/a>; for them, every form of \u201clove\u201d they have received, has followed abuse. Ultimately, these intense feelings of love and excitement followed by neglect and abuse create a chemical and hormonal bond between the abused and abuser <\/span>[3]<\/span><\/a>. The \u201cindescribable force\u201d of this bond is often confused with love by the abused person. You are not alone if you feel love for your abuser; however, it is crucial that you can recognize signs of a trauma bond and learn ways to break free from this force.<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Signs of a Trauma Bond<\/b><\/h3>\n\n\n\n