{"id":12510,"date":"2020-11-18T08:30:00","date_gmt":"2020-11-18T15:30:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/btsadv.wpengine.com\/?p=12510"},"modified":"2020-11-18T09:30:34","modified_gmt":"2020-11-18T16:30:34","slug":"holiday-help-for-victims-of-domestic-violence","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/breakthesilencedv.org\/?p=12510","title":{"rendered":"Holiday Help for Victims of Domestic Violence"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

For most of us, the holiday season is a promise of warmth, kindness, and sharing happy memories and traditions with those we love most.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/p>\n

But for victims of domestic violence, unfortunately, these months can be wrought with terror and hardship. The holiday season often means more chances to drink alcohol (a well-researched commonality in many intimate partner violence situations) and increased stress because of financial and familial obligations. Abusers can become more brutal during the holiday season; and episodes of violence and coercion often become more frequent. Coupled with the isolation and stresses brought on our world due to the pandemic, this is a recipe for disaster.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/p>\n

Studies have shown that <\/span>reports<\/span><\/i> of domestic violence actually decrease during the holiday season, and many experts suspect that victims choose not to report during this time for fear of \u201cruining\u201d the holidays. This belief, however, is founded in the lens that the abuser has enforced upon the victim: that somehow the victim is responsible for the violence that has been inflicted upon them. This is simply not true, and the holiday season presents a unique opportunity for family and friends to spot domestic violence and act.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/p>\n

Signs There Might Be Domestic Violence or Abuse<\/b><\/h2>\n

If you spot one or more of the following behaviors in a friend or family member, there may be a domestic violence situation or an unhealthy relationship in their life. It\u2019s important to think about these behaviors in the context of your loved one\u2019s life.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/p>\n

Sudden withdrawal from family and friends<\/span><\/i><\/h3>\n

\u00a0<\/p>\n

Is it a tradition for everyone in the family to get together for an ugly sweater party? That\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

friend who was planning to come\u2013did she have to suddenly cancel just an hour before\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

the get-together? Think about it: is this part of a larger or recent pattern of behavior?<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/p>\n

Abusers often seek to control their victims by cutting them off from family and friends.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Does your friend suddenly seem reluctant to get together, or do they not enjoy activities\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

they used to? This could be a warning sign of a bigger problem. Oftentimes, the coercion isn\u2019t as explicit as forbidding the victim from seeing someone. Instead, abusers may accuse their victims of not spending enough time with them or insinuating that they don\u2019t like one particular individual or another.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/p>\n

Unexplained or suspicious injuries<\/span><\/i><\/h3>\n

\u00a0<\/p>\n

A bruise on the arm, marks on the throat\u2013these may be innocent injuries, but they also\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

could be evidence of domestic violence in your loved one\u2019s life. If you see injuries, ask\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

about them. If your friend or family member seems uncomfortable answering, that may\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

be a red flag. Think about any other injuries he or she may have had, and whether those seemed suspicious too.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/p>\n

Possessiveness by their partner<\/span><\/i><\/h3>\n

\u00a0<\/p>\n

Does your friend seem overly anxious about upsetting their partner? Is your friend\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

constantly checking their phone? Is their partner demanding to know where they are at\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

all times and accusing your friend of cheating? These tactics are methods of control —\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

and are very common in unhealthy relationships and domestic violence situations.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Another common tactic to exert control over a significant other is through public\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

humiliation, whether overt (demeaning the individual in front of others explicitly) or\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

through more subtle methods (like \u201cjoking\u201d).<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/p>\n

Financial control by their partner<\/span><\/i><\/h3>\n

\u00a0<\/p>\n

If your loved one lacks access to financial resources they should otherwise have, they<\/span><\/p>\n

may be in a dangerous situation. Abusers know that by restricting their victim\u2019s cash,\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

they can effectively control them and limit their ability to be independent. Financial\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

insecurity occurs in almost every domestic violence relationship, and is the number one\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

reason why victims struggle to leave their abuser.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/p>\n

How Family and Friends Can Help<\/b><\/h2>\n

The holidays remind all of us the importance of family and friendship. If you suspect someone you love is in an unhealthy relationship, read below for ways you can help.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/p>\n

Ask questions, listen and have empathy<\/span><\/i><\/h3>\n

\u00a0<\/p>\n

Try asking questions. Don\u2019t assume too much, and definitely don\u2019t insert judgement. You want your friend to feel like they can trust you. \u201cHey, I noticed you have been a little\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

distant lately. Is everything okay?\u201d or \u201cHow\u2019s everything going with (insert partner\u2019s\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

name)?\u201d are great ways to start. Avoid offering advice, unless your friend asks for it.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Instead listen and offer empathy. It may be hard to understand why your loved one is\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

tolerating abuse, but remember that your friend is a victim, and has likely been deeply\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

manipulated.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/p>\n

Offer assistance<\/span><\/i><\/h3>\n

\u00a0<\/p>\n

If your loved one confirms that abuse is occuring in their relationship, they may need your help. It\u2019s important to help in ways that keep your loved one safe. You need to also consider your own safety as well when offering assistance. Do not assert yourself into an unsafe situation to protect the victim.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/p>\n

A safe way to help a loved one is to connect them with domestic violence support resources. You can also help the victim put together a plan if they decide to leave their abuser. Plan which shelter your friend and their children (if they have any) will go to. Help them pack a bag with important documents, cash, and essentials to make it easier for them to leave in a hurry.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/p>\n

Contact a Domestic Violence Hotline<\/span><\/i><\/h3>\n

\u00a0<\/p>\n

Call The National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or visit its\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

website at thehotline.org to get connected to local, relevant resources, including\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

shelters\/safe houses.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/p>\n

You can also contact Break the Silence Against Domestic Violence\u2019s Hotline\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

855-BTS-1777 from 8am-5pm (Pacific Standard Time) 7 days a week to seek\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

resources or information and get support.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/p>\n

Contact authorities<\/span><\/i><\/h3>\n

\u00a0<\/p>\n

If your loved one is in immediate, life-threatening danger, it is necessary to contact local law enforcement. The victim may object, and may even beg you not to, but if it means potentially saving their life and their children\u2019s lives it is worth it.<\/span><\/p>\n





<\/p>\n

If you or someone you know is in an abusive relationship, there is help. You can visit the Break the Silence Against Domestic Violence website at www.breakthesilencedv.org or chat with one of our helpline advocates at 855-287-1777.<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

========<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

Share Your Story<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

Sharing our stories can be incredibly empowering while also helping others connect with survivors who have similar experiences. If you are inspired to share your story with us, submit <\/span><\/i>here<\/span><\/i><\/a>. You can choose to remain anonymous.<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

You can also donate to BTSADV <\/span><\/i>here<\/span><\/i><\/a>.<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

Photo Credit: Caroline Hernandez, via <\/span>Unsplash<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n




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