{"id":13734,"date":"2021-04-15T09:00:00","date_gmt":"2021-04-15T16:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/breakthesilencedv.org\/?p=13734"},"modified":"2024-05-28T18:48:04","modified_gmt":"2024-05-29T01:48:04","slug":"yes-all-men","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/breakthesilencedv.org\/?p=13734","title":{"rendered":"Yes&#8230;All Men"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-hiding-behind-a-hashtag\"><span style=\"font-weight: bold;\">Hiding Behind A Hashtag<\/span><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">#NotAllMen was trending once again on <a href=\"http:\/\/twitter.com\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">Twitter<\/a> within the past few weeks. \u00a0It rears its ugly head quite frequently. \u00a0Whenever there is some public sexual harassment or sexual assault scandal, we hear the same cries from \u201cthe good guys.\u201d \u00a0These men will post about how they \u201crespect women,\u201d and may even mention that\u2026surprise, surprise\u2026there are also female members of their family, and they love those female members of their family.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Unfortunately, it is all men. &nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-the-problem-with-not-all-men\"><strong>The Problem With &#8220;Not All Men<\/strong> &#8220;<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Why this hashtag, and sentiments like \u201cnice guys finish last\u201d have such a negative effect on our discourse about sexual harassment, sexual assault, and Domestic Violence is that the people who are saying it honestly believe it to be true. \u00a0Of course, there are men who intentionally and deliberately use this as a weapon to control the narrative, but bad-faith actors aren\u2019t the only ones using the hashtag. \u00a0Many of the men saying \u201cnot all men\u201d have never intended to hurt a woman. \u00a0Many of the men saying \u201cnot all men\u201d have probably even tried to be allies to women in difficult situations.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">The sheer fact that #NotAllMen can trend on social media indicates that many men are oblivious to the problem. &nbsp;In fact, the absurdity of men flocking to Twitter to say that they have never sexually harassed a woman is a big part of the problem. &nbsp;They are setting themselves up as the defendant, defense attorney, and judge in a proceeding that doesn\u2019t even have an accuser. &nbsp;These men may not be aware of times that their words or actions have made a woman feel uncomfortable sexually. &nbsp;These men may have had interactions with women that have been resolved through a conversation. &nbsp;They may even have learned from those interactions and conversations. &nbsp;Learning does not absolve. &nbsp;Forgiveness does not absolve. &nbsp;It is still a mistake.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-missing-the-point\"><span style=\"font-weight: bold;\">Missing the Point<\/span><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">#NotAllMen isn\u2019t a symptom of the problem, it is the problem. &nbsp;The hashtag reframes the discussion to be one of intent. &nbsp;With an act of rhetorical slight-of-hand, sexual harassment is no longer the center of the conversation. &nbsp;The proverbial magician has created a diversion with his left hand, while pulling out the Ace from his right sleeve. &nbsp;Conversations of sexual harassment, sexual assault, and Domestic Violence need to focus on the women, and often men, who are victims of this behavior. &nbsp;This isn\u2019t the time to coddle male egos. &nbsp;Instead of hijacking the conversation with a hashtag intent to vindicate you from any potential criticism, join the conversation. &nbsp;If you truly are a \u201cgood guy,\u201d irradicating sexual harassment would be a higher priority than a preemptive public relations campaign against non-existent accusations.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">As a man, I have 100% made mistakes in this area in my life. &nbsp;It was never my intent to make someone feel uncomfortable, but that doesn\u2019t matter. &nbsp;It may be a hard pill for a lot of us men to swallow, but there are probably times that we have made people feel uncomfortable sexually in public or business settings, and nobody ever told us. &nbsp;We could be blissfully ignorant of the joke, comment, or well-intentioned compliment that someone just accepted as a \u201ccost of doing business.\u201d &nbsp;How can we claim #NotAllMen, when there could be dozens of these little moments out in the universe? &nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-accountability-of-all-men-over-taglines\"><span style=\"font-weight: bold;\">Accountability of All Men Over Taglines<\/span><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Justice is hard. &nbsp;We have to be able to admit #YesAllMen, so that we can turn the mirrors towards ourselves and our own actions. &nbsp;As men, if we accept that we have almost certainly made mistakes, we can work on not making those same mistakes in the future. &nbsp;In recent years, it has become glaringly obvious even to the most unreceptive observer that sexual harassment is a huge problem that permeates all aspects of society from sports to politics to Hollywood to offices. &nbsp;People are being harmed by this every day. &nbsp;We can\u2019t shirk responsibility.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Luckily, many women commandeered the hashtag to tell their stories about harassment. &nbsp;We need to hear those stories. &nbsp;Men, we need to stop making this about our intentions. &nbsp;Most abusers don\u2019t view themselves as abusers. &nbsp;Most harassers don\u2019t view themselves as harassers. &nbsp;It is a small segment of society that goes out and tries to harm people. &nbsp;Until we can all listen to victims of sexual harassment without getting defensive, we will never learn ways to be even better. &nbsp;We can\u2019t be \u201cgood guys\u201d until we have learned what that actually means, and how it looks in our societal interactions. &nbsp;We can\u2019t be \u201cgood guys\u201d until we can look back on a situation and admit we made a mistake. &nbsp;To truly be a \u201cgood guy,\u201d you have to work towards equitable workplaces and public spaces where people can feel safe and comfortable to interact. &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>We can\u2019t be \u201cgood guys\u201d until we have learned what that actually means, and how it looks in our societal interactions.  We can\u2019t be \u201cgood guys\u201d until we can look back on a situation and admit we made a mistake.  To truly be a \u201cgood guy,\u201d you have to work towards equitable workplaces and public spaces where people can feel safe and comfortable to interact.            <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":4,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[348,316,346],"tags":[498,501,499,500,496,497,495,494],"class_list":["post-13734","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-blog","category-community-education","category-domestic-violence-resources","tag-notallmen","tag-rickdougherty","tag-yesallmen","tag-rick-dougherty","tag-saam","tag-saam21","tag-sexual-assau","tag-sexual-harrassment"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v28.6 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>Yes...All Men - Community Education - BTSADV - Blog<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Yes, it is all men. 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