October 1, 2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
It started off as any typical abusive relationship: prince charming \u2013 handsome, tall and funny, bombarded me with affection, gifts and attention until by the time the red flags started to pop up, it was too late. I was in love and totally ignored them. Finding out his relationship with his ex-wife got to the point where they were taking pictures of their bruises, wasn\u2019t enough for me to make me run.
<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I am a 30-year-old woman who spent the last 3 years of her life in an on-off abusive relationship. I won\u2019t list all the things that happened but instead how I managed to get out and not go back for the 100th time.
<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Unless it is physical abuse, it is hard to recognise that you are being abused. You are in love, he makes you think it\u2019s all your fault, your self-esteem is virtually gone and you try to make him happy no matter what but somehow nothing works. People don\u2019t see the bruises on your soul, on your heart. They just think you are snappy, rude and distant for no other reason than character fault. By this point you barely have any friends left thanks to all the emotional blackmail and jealousy.
<\/p>\n\n\n\n
After a holiday that went terribly wrong and just confirmed my suspicion that my physical safety might be in danger next to him, I turned to Dr. Google. Started to fill out questionnaires, read all the warning signs, blogs \u2013 I was shocked. As I found out, I was abused and I didn\u2019t know it.
<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Realizing that it is happening to you is half the success. I started to educate myself on this matter. YouTube, Ted talks, movies, books, statistics, whatever I found. I made it my second full time job.
<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I ended up having a separate folder in my phone for screenshots, I had Sally Challen\u2019s picture as my screensaver so when I looked at my phone I could imagine her saying \u201cget out before it\u2019s too late\u201d.
<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I was lucky enough to have two friends who didn\u2019t get offended by my disappearance but understood what I went through and listened and listened and had the patience to deal with my meltdowns over again. I owe them my sanity.
<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Every time a nice memory popped up in my head, I said to myself \u201cit was just love bomb. It was to make you stick around for the abuse.\u201d
<\/p>\n\n\n\n
On a monthly basis I started to write a diary of how I mentally, physically feel. As the months were passing, reading back now I can see how I got better and better. How I went from emotionally numb and barely able to eat to smiling for no reason. The lack of constant explosions, the lack of feeling like being on a war line in a hyper alert state made me bounce off the walls from happiness. Suddenly I had all this energy. My phone pinged and my heart didn\u2019t sink, waiting for him to sarcastically say \u201coh, someone is popular today\u201d.
<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Another important thing was to let go the anger and hate. I try not to look at it as he robbed me off of 3 years. He is not evil just ill. The chances of him having a healthy, happy relationship are slimmer than I will ever get. I try to see it as a valuable lesson. As a person, after all this \u2013 I feel like I\u2019m much stronger and wiser than I was when I met him. Standing up for myself gave me a self-respect that I lacked. I am also glad to know about all this for the sake of people in my life, I feel like now I can read the signs I didn\u2019t know existed before and my knowledge of it might come handy to someone else in the future.
<\/p>\n\n\n\n
My next step is \u2013 finding out why I go for the \u201cbad guys\u201d. We all have a type. My type has always been the loudmouthed, opinionated, risk taker who people usually call \u201cthe toxic alpha\u201d. Quoting Mary J Blige, \u201cBad boys aint no good, Good boys aint no fun\u201d – I\u2019m not saying is true but certainly what applies in my case. The bad guys been fun. That impulsive high energy channelled in the right direction is exciting and makes your adrenaline hit the sky. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Am I drawn to danger? Do I have some issues I don\u2019t know about and have to work on to not end up in the same situation? Is it possible to find a guy who makes my eyes roll back from pleasure instead of boredom and he won\u2019t scream my head off one hour later for missing the right floor with the elevator? I know really nice people that say they always end up in the friend zone and I am guilty of doing that. They always end up fixing my laptop and being a shoulder to cry on. I know they are the good ones but I just don\u2019t have the same attraction for them \u2013 this is going to be the homework of my life.
<\/p>\n\n\n\n
If you are stuck in an abusive or toxic relationship \u2013 please do believe me, the grass really is greener on this side. I know you are scared to leave but right now is this the life you really want to live? I know it\u2019s a nightmare and the honeymoon phase make it so addictive but once you got out, you will laugh and cry in the same time. You will find yourself in place you forgot existed. It\u2019s not your fault. Don\u2019t let anyone steal your sunshine.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
“If you are stuck in an abusive or toxic relationship \u2013 please do believe me, the grass really is greener on this side. I know you are scared to leave but right now is this the life you really want to live?”<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":4,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":true,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[348,6,344],"tags":[147,92,161,162,90,116,117,115,374,128,34],"class_list":["post-14036","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-blog","category-break-your-silence","category-survivor-stories","tag-rawtruthdv","tag-abuse","tag-break-the-silence-against-domestic-violence","tag-btsadv","tag-domestic-violence","tag-emotional-abuse","tag-physical-abuse","tag-survivor","tag-survivor-stories","tag-trauma","tag-verbal-abuse"],"yoast_head":"\n