<\/p>\n
When did I decide I absolutely had to get out, no matter the cost?<\/p>\n
It wasn\u2019t after the first time he called me a \u201cwhore\u201d or a \u201cfat cow\u201d or a \u201cwhale.\u201d <\/p>\n
Not the first time he put his fist through a wall. <\/p>\n
Nor the first time he threw something at me or cornered me in a room. <\/p>\n
It wasn\u2019t when he told me he fantasizes about shooting me in my sleep before committing suicide.<\/p>\n
Not when he held a loaded gun to my head as I sat on the floor, crying and begging for my life. <\/p>\n
It wasn\u2019t when I lied and told someone I\u2019d dropped gym equipment on myself in order to explain my bruises. <\/p>\n
It wasn\u2019t while I used foundation to try to cover up my bruises so that I wouldn\u2019t have to explain them again.<\/p>\n
It wasn\u2019t when he humiliated me to my family. <\/p>\n
Not when he trapped me inside moving vehicles while threatening to crash. It wasn\u2019t when he forced me out of the vehicle on a deserted highway because I accidentally played a song he didn\u2019t like. <\/p>\n
It wasn\u2019t when he told a man to \u201cjust rape her\u201d while I was asleep and then screamed at me relentlessly after that man took his advice. <\/p>\n
Nor was it when he shoved a camera in my face to record my panic attacks to \u201cshow people how crazy you are.\u201d <\/p>\n
It wasn\u2019t when he dared me to kill myself and told me that nobody would be surprised if I ended up dead because I am \u201cnuts.\u201d <\/p>\n
It was when I told someone. That\u2019s when I knew I had to leave. <\/p>\n
It was when I was forced to see him through someone else\u2019s eyes. It was when a friend asked me what he\u2019d done to me, and I answered honestly for the first time. It was when I heard the horror and fear in the voices of my friends and family when I described his behavior. It was when I started to run out of excuses for him, even though I was still trying desperately to find them. It was once I had told enough people that there was no turning back. <\/p>\n
It wasn\u2019t always an upward, linear progression. But telling my story gave me the first glimpse of freedom I\u2019d seen in many years. Telling my story saved my life.<\/p>\n
Telling your story isn\u2019t always healing. Some people will judge you. They\u2019ll blame you. They\u2019ll dismiss you. They\u2019ll ridicule you for staying. Or for leaving. Or for speaking out. <\/p>\n
\u201cStop trying to destroy his friendships by talking about this.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cIf it was so bad, why didn\u2019t you leave?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI believe you, but why should that impact my relationship with him? He wouldn\u2019t hurt his friends.\u201d <\/p>\n
\u201cI don\u2019t believe you. I know him. He wouldn\u2019t do that.\u201d <\/p>\n
Or the police: \u201cYou clearly made bad life decisions, so it makes sense that these things happened to you- if they really happened at all. Women tend to exaggerate.\u201d <\/p>\n
At first, I felt like these responses might destroy me. Having the courage to tell someone your story, and watching it get turned on you? It\u2019s devastating. It\u2019s infuriating. <\/p>\n
But it wasn\u2019t traumatic enough to outweigh the love and support I also received. People who made themselves targets of his abuse by supporting me. People who were unequivocally on my side. People who offered me places to stay. People who cared for my animals. People who gave me understanding when I couldn\u2019t be the student I wanted to be. People who cooked me dinners. People who read over court documents with me. People who answered my hysterical 2am phone calls.<\/p>\n
People who listened. People who believed.<\/p>\n
Even if you aren\u2019t fortunate enough to have these people in your personal life, you can find them. There are online networks of survivors. Support groups at your local domestic violence organization. Domestic violence hotlines.<\/p>\n
Find someone, anyone, you can trust. Tell them everything. Watch how their validation becomes the spark that helps you start validating yourself.<\/p>\n
Your perceptions are accurate. You\u2019re not crazy. The abuse is real. It\u2019s crushing. It\u2019s terrifying. It\u2019s unfair. <\/p>\n
You deserve better, and you will find it. Your voice can be the first step in saving yourself. <\/p>\n
Use it.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Survivor Sister Emily Lantz speaks out breaking her silence about domestic violence.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":4,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[6,522],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-15079","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-break-your-silence","category-sister-survivors"],"yoast_head":"\n