![\"April](\"https:\/\/breakthesilencedv.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/gravity_forms\/48-4487705b00a2b92c361381a4a51471a9\/2020\/11\/pic.jpg\")
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\u201cConsequences, nobody told me about\u201d<\/p>\n
I\u2019d love to hear more story-updates from survivors who have shared their story before. It has been a little over two years since I looked death in the face. It\u2019s been a year and a half since I shared my story on this platform. As it was re-posted a month ago, I read it. It still rang true, but I wish I had said more, but I didn\u2019t know more. I needed some wisdom, and I found some to share. In life we make bad decisions and we have consequences. What I know now is that domestic violence is one of the very few things where we can make the right decision (sometimes the best decision we will ever make), and we have consequences. We call 911, leave that abuser, press charges, etc. Depending on the abuser\u2019s crime and their character, some of these consequences are temporary, some last forever. Nobody told me this, and I\u2019ve really read anything on this. My abuser has convictions on him that will never be expunged. I have a detailed protective order on him that will never be lifted, ever. Because of his crime, and his character I live with the consequence that anything bad that happens in his life, until he dies, he will blame me. Because I made that 911 call to save my own life, I live with that consequence. I don\u2019t blame myself for what happened, but I do have days where I say, \u201cwhy is it that I did the right thing, only to deal with garbage?\u201d <\/p>\n
I am just as responsible for upholding the protective order as he is to follow it. If I don\u2019t call the police when a violation has occurred, the order is no good. I cannot count the times violations have occurred and I\u2019ve called police. One-fourth of these calls have been made in 3 different states. The order is not just about distance. He cannot come near my 3rd parties, nor can his 3rd parties come near me. Given this, cyber-stalking has been the main subject of the phone call made. His character says he will never leave me alone. I have to uphold this order not just because the law says to do so, but for 3 reasons: 1) He will screw up again. He already has, and when the \u201cbig\u201d screw-up happens I have a paper-trail for miles. 2) He will do it again to someone else. I don\u2019t know who, when, or how. When he does that person may be dead (I know he\u2019s capable of it). Their family may need my paper-trail. If alive, they may not be able to get someone to believe them, but they can have my paper-trail. Even if they do nothing, my paper-trail is embedded in their mind. 3) God-forbid something to happen to me, it will not be a mystery for any police department. I have a paper-trail. <\/p>\n
My consequence list is long, it\u2019s not fun, and it can be humiliating. Here is what I do-I get up in the morning and say I\u2019ll take the consequences over being dead. I\u2019ll take the consequences over wondering if he\u2019s going to drink and I need to be careful about what I say. I\u2019ll take the consequences over worrying about pissing him off so he can slam me up against the door, and hold me by my neck for a 3rd rime until I quit breathing. I\u2019ll take the consequences over making sure the gun is where it\u2019s supposed to be. That list goes on and on, but I\u2019ll take the consequences. <\/p>\n
I\u2019ve learned that my family and closest friends will never understand this in-depth. I look at this as another consequence. They are supportive, but they are not victims. My friends may have been with a narcissist, but they weren\u2019t with an abuser. They didn\u2019t have what happened to me happen to them. Many ask, \u201care you glad it\u2019s over?\u201d I\u2019m glad the court process is over (for me anyway), but it will never be over; after-all, I\u2019m still calling the police. Every victim, every abuser, and every situation is different. As victims, what we have in common is the understanding part, and I think that\u2019s so critical. <\/p>\n
The consequences are worth it. You to learn to live with them as anything else. I regret nothing, not even being with him, because I LEARNED so much, and I learned about myself. I\u2019ve been able to travel and speak to victims and victims\u2019s families. I know many victims do not stay through the court process (when the crime goes there). Mine took two years, but as I told one detective early on, after being told I didn\u2019t have to stay this course, \u201cyou are dealing with the wrong victim. If I leave, he won\u201d. I\u2019ll take the consequences. No matter what, you will soon realize that you have more power than what you ever believed.
\n~April<\/p>\n
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Survivor Sister April Lawson speaks out breaking her silence about domestic violence.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":4,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[6,522],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-15098","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-break-your-silence","category-sister-survivors"],"yoast_head":"\n