\u201cIt\u2019s like you only like when I am angry.\u201d He would say to me as he held my hair by the roots and screamed at me nose to nose.
\nThe movies always show women getting punched in the face or slapped by a drunk man. That isn\u2019t the truth. There are Ted Bundy types. He was suave. He was convincing. He was invincible to me. He would hold me down, \u00a0pin me to the wall, grab my hair, spit in my face, lock me in rooms and closets, kick down doors when I would hide, cover my mouth and nose and scream, \u201cStop breathing!!!\u201d, he would choke me until I blacked out, make me pass out and then cry when I came to, punch walls, destroyed my property, he would shove my head into walls and car windows when I would cry, he would leave bruises that were easy to hide. He would cry afterwards and ask for forgiveness; tell me he didn\u2019t mean to. He would blame me and say that it\u2019s what I wanted.
\nHe was enabled by our mutual \u201cfriends\u201d. These people didn\u2019t speak up for me, they witnessed the abuse and averted their eyes and allowed it. This further perpetuated the idea that this is \u201cnormal\u201d, this instilled in me that maybe I did backtalk one too many times. Maybe I did roll my eyes and make him angry intentionally. He\u2019s obviously not doing anything wrong if all these people are saying, \u201cYou have to deal with the repercussions.\u201d I must be the one causing it since no one seems to want to stop it or help me. \u00a0
\nHe convinced me that it was my fault that he cheated. He called me a whore, shamed me during sexual activities. Pressured me to please him while he never returned the favor. Refused to touch me. He negatively commented on my body. Convinced me that if I would please him more often and better then he wouldn\u2019t need to look elsewhere.
\nHe would tell me that it was my fault that I had no friends. He would tell me that everyone talked about me behind my back. He said that they thought that I was a bitch. Told me that I acted like I was \u201ctoo good\u201d for people. I wasn\u2019t anything special. No one loved me. No one wanted me. I was pathetic. A poor excuse for a woman. I wasn\u2019t worth marrying.
\nHe would break up with me on random days, like our 4-year anniversary. He would sleep with me and then leave me. He would tell me he loved someone else. Would say he only looked at me like a sister. He would block me and ignore me. He would withhold affection and attention when he wanted to. He would write me within days or weeks and tell me he missed me and that he made a mistake. He would convince me to see him to get items or just to talk. He would hug me and then tell me that I have forgiven him now that I hugged him. He would cry to me about how he loved me so much, about how he couldn\u2019t live without me.
\nI wasn\u2019t allowed to spend money. I couldn\u2019t have friends because they made me \u201cact up\u201d. I couldn\u2019t work because I would flirt with coworkers. He would spend my money when I got paid. His \u201cgifts\u201d that he bought me, with my money, were movies he wanted or items he would use.
\nI had become a thief in the past. I was an evil person that used people to convince my abuser to love me. I just wanted him to love me like he did in the beginning. When I finally left and moved home to my parents, I was ashamed of what happened. I told my parents, and they shrugged their shoulders. I told our mutual friends and they said, \u201cIt happens. It was my fault for staying. I was stupid for going back. I deserved my punishments.\u201d they said. I was shamed into silence. I was beaten down and broken.
\nIt took years for me to admit that I was abused and even longer to talk about it. There is a 2-year statute for DV which further perpetuates this m a n s cycle of abuse. People like this don\u2019t change. People who enjoy asphyxiation don\u2019t just wake up one day and stop. This isn\u2019t a one-off occurrence. This is an animal. A disgusting POS that deserves to be behind bars. This is someone who wont stop. This person is surrounded by abuse enablers and knows who to pick. This is someone who needs to be locked up and caged.
\nThe abuse doesn\u2019t stop when you leave the abuser. The abuse is lifelong. The abuse takes work to stop. The abuse that you live with in your head only cycles to the next relationship. You chase that high, that \u201clove\u201d. That isn\u2019t love. This isn\u2019t love. This isn\u2019t safe. This isn\u2019t okay. There is better than this. You don\u2019t deserve this. You can leave. You are not alone.
\nThis is something that needs to be talked about. It is something that is prevalent in our society, and it shouldn\u2019t be. Survivors shouldn\u2019t be shamed into silence. People should be taught that this isn\u2019t normal. Others should speak up, others should help. Be that person that speaks up. Be that person that pushes back. Be that person that we aren\u2019t ready to be. HELP US!\u00a0<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
\u201cIt\u2019s like you only like when I am angry.\u201d He would say to me as he held my hair by the roots and screamed at me nose to nose. The movies always show women getting punched in the face or slapped by a drunk man. That isn\u2019t the truth. There are Ted Bundy types. He […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":164,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[6,344],"tags":[665,374],"class_list":["post-16801","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-break-your-silence","category-survivor-stories","tag-eltmpl","tag-survivor-stories"],"yoast_head":"\n