My tragic comedy is well worth the read. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Domestic violence isn\u2019t just something happening at the times it happens. It stays with the abused, us survivors, the parents who have watched their child endure it, and the parents who have seen their child lose to it. It haunts me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
At the end of the day, it\u2019s the abused, and their time to decide, if we\u2019re going to sit, cry, and not get our strength back, or rise above with the help we have or had, sometimes not knowing what we have is right in front of us.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Leaving my ex-husband (a phrase I\u2019m proud of) wasn\u2019t difficult; complicated yes, but with any lack or sort of feelings, just not difficult. One of my best decisions. The hiding out, dealing with lies about me \u201cmissing\u201d, and people looking for me. It was awful. An awful, you\u2019ll never get unless you\u2019ve been a part of it. And I hope you\u2019re never a part of it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
My most difficult process was regaining relationships, making new ones, and learning that everyone I put on hold became an issue. And it was because I chose to stay. It was my choice, my choice<\/em>, I own that, and it was just plain difficult. But in the end, what I went through was learning, not having lost, but only gained. Gained a better life and a better self understanding.<\/p>\n\n\n\n I am one who prides myself on hand written thank you notes, I love to write them, I love to wax seal them, and I love to put them in the mailbox. This time, it\u2019ll be delivered differently because this is truly \u201chow I got through\u201d and why I am just ok, it\u2019s more than just that simple note, it\u2019s others who need to hear, \u201cI\u2019m ok\u201d, because of these incredible things and people. Those people who never gave up on me, and saw me got who I am, nor did I give up hope for my life change. And I got the support. Even from those just getting to know me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n If you get anything from this article today, get this; write that thank you note to someone who\u2019s done something incredible for you, regardless of having gone through tough times or not, a thank you is just a game changer.<\/p>\n\n\n\n It makes all the difference.<\/p>\n\n\n\n I will first start with the hardest parts, the parts that broke me down, but then at the end of the day, built me back up stronger. It made me look in the mirror and say, \u201coh hell no\u201d, I AM better, and here\u2019s why:<\/p>\n\n\n\n The abuser: Things were bad, starting about a year in (I stayed for (5) more). It was about year (4) that I learned quickly, when someone detoxes, the demons come out. He was an alcoholic, cirrhosis to be exact. In my situation with my ex, while he would go in and out of detoxing, prior to understanding the actual diagnosis, he was seeing ghosts, to a point where he was having support groups with them; coaching them, helping them cope. He wasn\u2019t coping, but he was helping, \u201cthe others\u201d. I didn\u2019t know what I was going to do, but realized I had to play along. So I put my foot down, and said, \u201cyou\u2019re going to have to tell them to leave.\u201d He did, by posting signs all over our house. The ghosts sighting never stopped all the way into his medical issues and beyond, just before I left. There were more reasons than just the abuse, but let\u2019s be honest, one can only be introduced to a ghost so many times, as my humility stretches only so far. It was an awful existence for me, but for him, it just didn\u2019t matter, that became the norm. <\/p>\n\n\n\n The misery loves company: When I did leave, I learned a very sheer characteristic of certain people; that there are people that rush straight to you to comfort you, but only when you\u2019re in misery. I had this with my family. Lots of support, love and comfort from some. But, then when I wasn\u2019t at the bottom anymore. When I started getting myself back together, they disappeared. Many times, they came back to try to bring me back down, but when my strength showed, they were defeated, became outraged, and then I was made to apologize to them because I didn\u2019t allow them to keep me at the \u201crock bottom\u201d they assumed I\u2019d stay. That\u2019s when you realize that it\u2019s not the fight you need consistently. I\u2019ve endured that a few times. And learned that \u201cNo\u201d is an excellent word. \u201cNo\u201d applies at any time, and that includes now. Take yourself out of the toxic situation and keep pushing forward.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Plus side is, I am ok because of the people I had supporting me. And I hope all of you have at least one of these significant (6) supports in your life, who will, \u201cget you through\u201d, as they were my shelter :<\/p>\n\n\n\n The advice giver: the daily texts: He and his family are family friends, and he sends out a daily \u201cinspirational\u201d, a lot of them hit home and make you think, they\u2019ve picked me up and gotten me through a number of times. And a few times, they\u2019ve called to just check on me. Now that’s the salt of the earth.<\/p>\n\n\n\n The ultimate sorority sister: I\u2019ve never met a sorority sister who not only searched for me, but got me a place to live for a short time, gave me clothes, and helped me move into my apartment. And who is continually just there. A sister’s love for another, just beyond. And I love you back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n The best of friends: A best friend who just doesn\u2019t give up, but \u201cwe\u201d have never given up on each other, and we\u2019ve been through the same. I would know cause I was challenged for $1000 that we wouldn\u2019t be friends, as of (2) years ago. Come to think of it, we\u2019re owed $500 each. I should collect on that. And in her words, \u201cwhen all else fails, call the cops\u201d. And another who\u2019s called me almost daily, checked up, been there for not only me, but my mom. We\u2019ve laughed and we\u2019ve cried together. And has reminded me, \u201cthat when you start something that is a positive, see it to the finish line.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n The better 1\/2: He doesn\u2019t know, but he brought me back to life. The man chased me for (10) months until I caved and went to lunch with him. And because of that lunch, there was something about him, before we even established our \u201ctogether\u201d, which made me feel like, \u201cyou know what, I can do this life, and I am going to build myself back up.\u201d And I just did. And I\u2019m thankful for him choosing me. The best beginning to a love story. It was because of his presence and the strength he gave me when I was around him. And when he finally told me about his chase for me, barely knowing who I was, but finding out from everyone else who knew me (all his friends I wasn\u2019t aware of, some working for me), and how much good he found just within who I was, there was nothing but to give me the same strength daily. Now that\u2019s just incredible love. <\/p>\n\n\n\n The outlet: I will call out, Row House, College Station- I had been called a number of times, and finally caved, and went to the 5:15am class. I loved it and joined, but had no idea, that I was joining not just some gym, I was joining a family. Just a plain good group of people who loved and supported each other. And I got back to my best shape at (40), while making a support group of incredible friends.<\/p>\n\n\n\n The confidant: My mom – she\u2019s a woman of strength, character, and grace. And while she had every right to tell me, she just wasn\u2019t in the position to help me, after her brain tumor, she never once complained. She picked me and my dogs up, took me home, let me cry on her, and gave me both advice I wanted to hear and didn\u2019t want to hear, she played dual roles, of my best friend, and my mom. A woman I can only hope to be like. And she gave me the biggest hope for my journey, as we crossed into the College Station city limits, and without hesitation she said, \u201cthis is your home ya! Do you feel like you\u2019re back home?!\u201d Very chilling words, but I\u2019ll tell you, she was spot on. She knew she was bringing me into a new life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n What I will say is, I don\u2019t have a whole lot. I have my keepsakes that are worth nothing to another, but I have my life, this crazy and amazing life that I love, and it\u2019s because of those (6) supports with many many others, that kept me ok, kept me thinking, \u201cyou\u2019ve got this life, and it\u2019ll be incredible, you\u2019ll be ok.\u201d You don\u2019t get through on your own. You just don\u2019t, I\u2019ve tried and failed. That\u2019s the truth. People get you through. People of all walks of life, it doesn\u2019t matter if you\u2019ve been through the same thing.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Sometimes you\u2019ve got to even out. And that means, you\u2019re talking to people who not only value you, but tell you your strengths and weaknesses. I evened out, and it was ok. I went back into the thinking of \u201cwhat do I love about me, but what are some tweaks that can be made?\u201d Those outlets gave me the strength to decide, ME.<\/p>\n\n\n\n I\u2019m strong and got through because I have a backing. Today, think about what and who has gotten you through. Write them a thank you. It\u2019s worth a million.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" My tragic comedy is well worth the read. Domestic violence isn\u2019t just something happening at the times it happens. It stays with the abused, us survivors, the parents who have watched their child endure it, and the parents who have seen their child lose to it. It haunts me. At the end of the day, […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":164,"featured_media":18330,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[348,569],"tags":[92,161,162,90,116,117,115,128,34],"class_list":["post-18601","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-blog","category-domestic-abuse","tag-abuse","tag-break-the-silence-against-domestic-violence","tag-btsadv","tag-domestic-violence","tag-emotional-abuse","tag-physical-abuse","tag-survivor","tag-trauma","tag-verbal-abuse"],"yoast_head":"\n