All these years watching him on Facebook, I thought that he had strong family values, good Christian morals, and integrity. I was impressed by the way he seemed to always push himself to be his best self. I held him on a pedestal for so long. It was a lie.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
We attended the same high school our senior year, I was the new girl. I was at the school for 10 minutes maybe when he walked up to me and asked for my phone number. I thought he was cute. We talked on the phone, he wanted to date but I declined because he had quite the \u201creputation\u201d and I had a boyfriend who was away at college. Once I had established a group of friends, he called me a \u201cbitch\u201d and told me that once I started hanging out with my “new friends” I became a \u201cbitch\u201d. We stopped talking, he wasn\u2019t at graduation because he got into trouble. We kept in contact off and on due to social media throughout the years. My kids and I visited his family once following a family trip to Louisiana. I always admired his seeming devotion to his family. It looked like he had turned his life around, found God, and became a family man. Looks can be deceiving. I later learned about his multiple affairs, abusive behavior towards his wife and children, assaultive behaviors toward others when he was drinking, etc. I learned that their marriage only survived for so long because he was mostly working offshore or in jail for the duration of the relationship. You never truly know a person until you are in a live in relationship. Noone knows a man’s true character better than his wife or girlfriend.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I would learn that he was unfaithful multiple times throughout is prior marriage, while his then wife was at home raising his children, without the means to leave. I told him from day 1 that honesty was everything and everything is \u201cworkoutable\u201d if there is honesty, except for infidelity. He knew that I had just left a relationship for infidelity, and he admittedly made the choice to lie to me about his infidelity during his marriage because he knew that I wouldn\u2019t move towards a relationship with him had I known. He took my choice away from me from the very beginning with his lies.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
When I was visiting him that first summer, during an extended vacation, his ex would only exchange custody of their youngest son at the police station. I thought it was because she was upset that I was there. He claimed to not understand why she was “being that way”. Now I understand the reason for that protective measure.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I also gradually discovered his extensive pornography addiction. At the time, he told me he was not addicted to porn, and he would of course stop watching it because I found it to be degrading and disgusting. Obviously, that didn\u2019t happen, it was another lie to continue the ruse and convince me to stay.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
He started our relationship based on a lie. He built a picture for me which depicted himself as a victim because his ex-wife \u201coverreacted\u201d. To what, he couldn\u2019t remember because it was apparently so irrelevant when she kicked him out of the house for whatever she was upset about. Then he told me how hard he had been working to win her back but \u201cshe never forgave him for one indiscretion early in the relationship\u201d. Also, a lie. Later I would discover he was sleeping with someone else while he was living with his friends, \u201ctrying to fix his marriage”. I found out because I went through his phone one night. He kept her nude photo. Later he would try to call her on Facebook messenger after I had to leave due to his violence. Law Enforcement was called by a neighbor that night, when the neighbor’s daughter watched him pin me against the door frame of the open front door by my neck, and then push me from the front porch not allowing me back in the house to where my daughter and her friend were. One of many nights my daughter and I spent in a hotel room to escape his aggression.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I bought him a truck, $15000 dollars later, thinking I was investing in our future and in the man I intended to spend the rest of my life with. I flew in a few weeks later on a “pre-move” visit to establish my new job and found a cell phone I didn’t recognized. He told an odd story about a woman\u2019s cell phone that ended up in his truck after a night out with a friend from out of town. \u201cFunny story\u201d he said. Except he had no details. I forgave him and gave him the benefit of the doubt. One of many ignored red flags.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I tried to make new friends in my new State, he followed me on life 360. Then he showed up at our last stop on our motorcycle ride. He was angry and drunk. He said it wasn’t me that he didn’t trust but he didn’t know “them”, and I didn’t give him an exact time that I would be home, so he was angry. I was gone for about 4 hours that day. They stopped inviting me for ladies’ rides.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Another time, I sold my motorcycle to get him the best defense attorney after he was arrested for DUI on the night of his friend\u2019s wedding. This attorney, whom I researched, happened to be a fill in judge in the small town we lived in. He was drunk long before the wedding we were to attend that night. I went to that wedding with him but took a very expensive uber home that night before the reception. He yelled at me in the truck telling me I was going to ruin his night of fun again for being \u201cmad\u201d at him. I was upset he was so drunk before we left the house because he was an angry drunk and it always escalated. Always. After the wedding ceremony he was yelling at the young bridesmaids, \u201chey ladies where\u2019s the party at\u201d. I knew he would continue to escalate with me, and I did not want to negatively impact his friend\u2019s wedding reception, so I quietly left.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
More pornography, more empty promises.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Pinned to the floor of the closet by my neck, struggling to breathe, while he screamed and spit in my face yelling at me\u2026I chalked it up to liquor and I forgave him\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Later\u2026. Pinned to the bedroom floor, once again by my neck\u2026.I forgave him because \u201cit was the alcohol and not really who he is\u201d \u2026.I forgave him \u2026.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Family meeting him and spending more time with him at my dad\u2019s house led to one family member saying, \u201cdoes he always talk to you like that?\u201d. He was drunk. \u201cIf he ever lays a hand on you, you better tell me\u201d. People were starting to see things long before I ever revealed what was happening. It was infrequent that he put hands on me that I always thought that it was me, something I did to contribute to the escalation. Oh, how wrong I was!<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I couldn\u2019t maintain my friendships with male friends from back \u201chome\u201d because it was inappropriate\u2026Another double standard that I called him out on because of his constant text messages with his female friend\u2026\u201d But she\u2019s not like that\u201d Ummmmm, neither are my friends but \u201che knows how guys think\u201d, especially the ones who are in motorcycle clubs… What that says about him, wait, obviously doesn\u2019t apply to him right?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
My sister was dying during Mardi Gras\u2026He proposed to me that day and told me to forget about my sister and have a good time with him\u2026This meant drinking with him\u2026He took off on a drunk walk in New Orleans during dinner with my family, kicked me multiple times in the hotel room bed under the sheets so that my brother and sister and law couldn\u2019t see what was happening\u2026.I grieved by myself\u2026And I forgave him\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Another intoxicated argument\u2026I tried to walk away from the room to stop the escalation when he jumped up, pushed me against the front door frame with an open front door, pinning me by my neck\u2026This time someone saw it\u2026The neighbor, an 11 year old girl, saw it happen and proceeded to watch him push me off of the front deck and then lock me out of the house in my socks\u2026My daughter and her friend, the neighbor\u2019s sister, were inside the house that I no longer had access to\u2026The little girl ran home and the police showed up\u2026Again I left to a hotel room because he was too drunk to leave\u2026But I forgave him\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n
More pornography issues.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
2 broken and smashed cell phones\u2026The phone with the messages and voicemails from my sister\u2026I forgave him\u2026
My hidden work phone which he couldn\u2019t remember where he hid it because he was so drunk\u2026It took me weeks to find it and I had to report it to my work for a replacement\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n
My kids stopped calling because they didn\u2019t want to listen to his drunken rudeness; constantly interrupting and talking about how terrible their State of residence is..<\/p>\n\n\n\n
My mom stopped flying out to visit\u2026
My son stopped flying out to visit\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Family comments insinuating that I was \u201ccrying wolf\u201d when I would reach out for help or to talk\u2026Silenced me once again…Some of my family did not understand “PTSD brain” as a result of Domestic Violence\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n
He said that my friends were all \u201cwhores\u201d \u2026. Meanwhile his were always drunk, in and out of jail, high and crazy on the phone, with marriages and relationships falling apart…<\/p>\n\n\n\n
My appointments for my nails, my hair, riding lessons\u2026All took \u201ctoo\u201d long so I was also a \u201cwhore\u201d and I was \u201cselfish\u201d\u2026 He showed up drunk at my hair appointment to make sure I was \u201creally there\u201d\u2026Obviously I was.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
He had a long time friendship which seemed to come to an end…I asked him why and he told me that it was my fault and cited “girl things” insinuating that his friends wife had a problem with me…He wasn’t able to articulate or tell me what it was specifically…<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Watching my new phone in the living room trying to avoid another drunk escalation, hoping he would pass out in the bedroom\u2026Nope, as he marches out into the living room and takes away my phone while yelling at me\u2026I hopped off of the couch so I wouldn\u2019t be trapped between him and the wall and he promptly took my place on the sofa to scroll my phone\u2026I stood in front of him and asked for my phone so that I could call my brother, because I had finally reached my limit\u2026He kicked me once, and continued to push me several times with his foot after the initial kick\u2026This time I called the police from my work phone\u2026He was arrested\u2026I moved out\u2026The same friends who stopped talking to him, bailed him out along with his mother…<\/p>\n\n\n\n
He found God, he gave up alcohol, went to Texas to return to doing what he loved, I moved back in because I FORGAVE HIM again\u2026and I supported him\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n
He returned to alcohol\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n
He called my daughter an \u201cidiot\u201d, she was 11 then\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Women\u2019s phone number on the back of a receipt in his center console, I gave him the benefit of the doubt over what she told me\u2026. And I forgave him\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I married him\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Drinking and mood cycles returned with a new severity \u2026.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cwhore\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cidiot\u201d, his favorite word when he was drunk\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201ccheater\u201d, because I had to work on call and wouldn\u2019t leave my daughter at home with him\u2026Pretty sure he was accusing me of everything that he was doing…<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The first night during this most recent escalation I tried to go to sleep to avoid the aggression; but he shook me, turned the lights on, brought a speaker in the bedroom to blast music in my face \u2026 He finally passed out\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The night he was arrested I tried to go to the spare bedroom to avoid the escalation again and watch movies with my daughter\u2026\u201dI will break all of that shit\u201d\u2026I asked him to leave me alone so that I didn\u2019t have to call the police\u2026\u201dCall them!\u201d with a lunge and once again my phones were both taken away, my safety gone, my wrist twisted strategically, and my fingers bent backwards while he glared at me and stared me down to watch my pain tolerance reached before he released me\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n
This time he can leave\u2026I will protect myself and my daughter\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n
This time I filed for a Protection from Abuse order so that I have time to figure out what I’m doing…<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The water stopped running on a Friday night\u2026Retaliation no doubt\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The power turned off while my daughter was at home alone\u2026Retaliation continued\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Pornography left behind on the tablet he left on the couch\u2026I stopped going through his phone over a year ago so I just hoped that he had actually followed through with all of his promises this time…<\/p>\n\n\n\n
And now…………………..<\/p>\n\n\n\n
He\u2019s sober again\u2026He\u2019s on fire for Jesus again\u2026He\u2019s on medication she said\u2026
She comes into my home uninvited, without permission while I was at work and my daughter was home alone\u2026
My mother in law said she flew in that afternoon around 2 and she was “staying”…
\u201cI\u2019m here to support\u201d she said\u2026
Except in a way that was frightening, disrespectful, unsupportive, and wrong\u2026
\u201cI\u2019ve rearranged the refrigerator and separated my food from your food\u201d
I don’t want any problems she says as she is forcing her way into my home.
\u201cI\u2019ve moved (insert my daughter’s name) things out of the spare room and my things in because I am staying\u201d
The she has the gall to ask me, \u201cMay I ask why you are moving out?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
And suddenly everything was clear\u2026.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I don\u2019t know what my future looks like.
No, he didn\u2019t hit me, he likes my neck. He likes to watch my pain and get me to give in.
The highest risk of lethality. The biggest intimidation factor.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Biblically, he has broken his vows multiple times in multiple ways.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
There are a lot of things God has yet to show me, but he continues to light my steps; one step at a time.
My boundaries are rock solid and this time I am being led by my maker.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
All these years watching him on Facebook, I thought that he had strong family values, good Christian morals, and integrity. I was impressed by the way he seemed to always push himself to be his best self. I held him on a pedestal for so long. It was a lie. We attended the same high […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":164,"featured_media":18335,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[6,344],"tags":[92,161,162,90,665,116,117,115,374,128,34],"class_list":["post-18739","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-break-your-silence","category-survivor-stories","tag-abuse","tag-break-the-silence-against-domestic-violence","tag-btsadv","tag-domestic-violence","tag-eltmpl","tag-emotional-abuse","tag-physical-abuse","tag-survivor","tag-survivor-stories","tag-trauma","tag-verbal-abuse"],"yoast_head":"\n