I\u2019m new here Because I didn\u2019t think I belonged. I wore the idea that I was broken, which altered my perception of events. Coming from a long line of abused women fed into the idea that, yeah, my brokenness was at play. But after leaving for the third time in 14 years, I started to question the bullshit I was being spoon-fed. But sadly, even with a new perspective, I can\u2019t find the way out. I still question the reality around me because his voice speaks over my own, even in my head. I\u2019m not allowed to share any of this, and the fear of being known and identified keeps the muzzle around my lips. Emotional abuse, sexual abuse, and physical.. id even argue spiritual. That said, after reading a few blogs after searching \u201cabusive husband\u201d.. I find myself angry. Angry that the words I just read make it sound so easy to leave. I\u2019ve had many of my family members say the same back when we were on speaking terms. I\u2019m angry because I too believed the idea that women can be powerhouses. That they can compete in a world that often doesn\u2019t even allow them to entertain the idea. But there isn\u2019t a way out. It\u2019s a lie I\u2019ve don\u2019t the hard things I obtained a career that women is a minority and structured to push us out Yet I did it. I\u2019m here And still, I\u2019m trapped by a power I can\u2019t overcome The kids are not aware and are well-loved by the abuser, So staying is best for them, and that too makes me angry Who can say they won\u2019t take a hit for their kids At this point I find myself defeated Accepting that I just have to play his fucking game to survive Maybe if I\u2019m agreeable and reassuring to him I\u2019ll make it through until my kids are old enough to comprehend<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
I\u2019m new here Because I didn\u2019t think I belonged. I wore the idea that I was broken, which altered my perception of events. Coming from a long line of abused women fed into the idea that, yeah, my brokenness was at play. But after leaving for the third time in 14 years, I started to […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":164,"featured_media":18904,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[6,344],"tags":[92,161,90,665,116,117,115,374,128,34],"class_list":["post-18961","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-break-your-silence","category-survivor-stories","tag-abuse","tag-break-the-silence-against-domestic-violence","tag-domestic-violence","tag-eltmpl","tag-emotional-abuse","tag-physical-abuse","tag-survivor","tag-survivor-stories","tag-trauma","tag-verbal-abuse"],"yoast_head":"\n