{"id":19078,"date":"2024-05-18T10:02:05","date_gmt":"2024-05-18T17:02:05","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/breakthesilencedv.org\/?p=19078"},"modified":"2024-06-11T09:26:44","modified_gmt":"2024-06-11T16:26:44","slug":"domestic-violence-firearms-and-impulse-control","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/breakthesilencedv.org\/?p=19078","title":{"rendered":"Domestic Violence, Firearms, and Impulse Control"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

They don\u2019t come out and tell you they\u2019ve been violent before. They don\u2019t necessarily tell you
they\u2019re \u201cinto guns\u201d. They don\u2019t let you know they\u2019re moving in AND have a gun. It\u2019s also not the
a gun that is the real problem; it\u2019s what they do when their violent impulses take over, and these
violent impulses turn into violent actions that are turned against others to express their level of
emotion.
There is no simple way to keep weapons out of the hands of people who shouldn\u2019t have them \u2013
it\u2019s a given that violent people shouldn\u2019t own weapons. The real culprit, however, is THEIR loss
of self-control, which is unpredictable and, obviously, difficult. Legally, those who are
guilty of domestic abuse cannot own firearms \u2013 that doesn\u2019t mean someone violent is
going to abide by the law.
There are so many factors in the raising of a child. While innumerable cultural and societal differences exist, self-control and self-restraint must be guided throughout childhood and into the
teenage years. If this is not guided or taught within a safe environment, the child will \u201clearn the
ropes\u201d from his peer group as influenced by the culture around him. If there\u2019s no one there to
provide boundaries, and small but significant natural consequences are missing as part of this
guidance, then impulse control may be severely impaired or missing altogether. However, once
a child is an adult, one understands they need to look and play the part expected of them within
society \u2013 this is part of the adaptability of a human and why it would be impossible to predict any
future violent action of an individual \u2013 unless you\u2019ve got a real crystal ball!
This brings up so many thoughts of \u201cgray areas\u201d and \u201cyellow flags.\u201d You could be dating
someone for more than a year, finally, commit to a serious relationship or even marriage, and
never see any signs of severe lack of self-control\/physical abuse or violence until well into the
relationship. Further still, if a violent outburst was an anomaly in your relationship, and even
conferring with friends and family that it is indeed an anomaly, there’s no way to predict whether
it would later include gun violence or not. This lack of self-control as the root cause of future gun
violence is unpredictable and unprecedented.
It\u2019s not the \u201cconvenience\u201d of weapons that are immediately available that is the
\u201ccausative factor\u201d (anything can become a weapon). It\u2019s not \u201cpremeditated impulse\u201d – that\u2019s a
nonsensical phrase \u2013 \u201cI have a gun, so I will lose control and then kill the person who angers
me.\u201d That\u2019s not something you\u2019d ever hear. These variables seem to reflect that
misdirected question or concern: \u201cWhy don\u2019t you\/didn\u2019t you leave?\u201d This would be like treating
Every man we even date is some sort of prohibited dog breed. Yes, I bought\/dated a pit bull, but he was nice when I got him. The Doberman never exhibited any violent behavior \u2192until he
did. When we experience even a yellow flag during our time of dating, as women and as people
in general who are compassionate towards each other, we take those yellow flags in stride
, Believing

that they will be green lights or they\u2019re just an anomaly of the day\u2019s stressors, believing
we are interacting with \u201cnormal\u201d people. How in the world would we ever predict anyone would
turn a gun on us \u2013 it\u2019s not like we can predict that tomorrow they will like coffee or dislike
pancakes, let alone become violent.<\/div><\/div><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Of course, there is always legislation introduced in the U.S. to curb gun ownership within specific
groups, but this is a battle that will be waged for a long time. The real battles are in ourselves,

our children\u2019s upbringing, and <\/div>education across the board. Today, we have
kindergarteners hurling chairs at teachers, youths physically attacking each other as well as
teachers and parents. Once these children grow up and act their part, how can we predict their \u201cbad behaviors\u201d in the world?
I would argue that we all must focus on our \u201cspidey sense.” I\u2019m not saying we shouldn\u2019t
strive to keep weapons out of abusers\u2019 hands, but that seems a near-impossible task. We\u2019re all
familiar with some form of domestic \u201ctrickery\u201d \u2013 gaslighting, manipulation, coercion, and control
tactics, etc., that is already unpredictable \u2013 and we live with these tactics as we tiptoe around our
own waking up to relationship-crazy-making behaviors at the moment, trying to maintain some
semblance of \u201cnormal life.\u201d
Awareness is the key. It\u2019s the key to most things \u2013 the first step to change, learning, and growth. This
is a skill that seems very elusive for those who have experienced trauma, especially trauma that
has occurred in the formative years (age 0-7). Having exited a DV situation and coming away from
that time with some distance, you can probably relate to the phrase, \u201cThere were some yellow
flags for sure, but\u2026\u201d Hindsight is 20\/20, as they say. We gain some clarity and some peace of
mind as we are further away from our violent situations. Many of us wish we had a better grasp
on the subtlety of our own emotions, our own hesitations, our own \u201cspidey sense\u201d that wasn\u2019t
fully functioning due to our own trauma. No, you won\u2019t ever be able to predict others’ behaviors
but continuing to concentrate on developing your spidey sense of your own inner safety, your
intuitive gut sense, is paramount to your peace of mind and making good choices. I won\u2019t boldly say, \u201cIf you knew better, you would have chosen better.\u201d That would be assuming you
DID you have mind-reading capabilities or KNEW you were picking a prohibited dog breed? You
cannot know or predict another\u2019s loss of self-control, which leads to violent actions. However,
whether you are entering another intimate relationship or even a friendship, it is imperative to
continue to grow your inner safety compass to make better decisions based on your
internal guidance system at any time.
\u25cf \u201cNearly half of all women killed in the U.S. are murdered by a current or former intimate partner; two-thirds of
women killed by an intimate partner are killed with a gun.\u201d
\u25cf About 4.5 million women in the U.S. have been threatened with a gun, and nearly 1 million women have
been shot or shot at by an intimate partner
\u25cf Over half of all intimate partner homicides are committed with guns. A woman is five times more likely to be
murdered when her abuser has access to a gun
\u25cf The majority of femicide victims (76%) and of attempted femicide victims (85%) experienced stalking in the
12 months leading up to their homicide or homicide attempt.\u201d
\u25cf in some countries with cultures that teach self-control and enforce it socially (parents with children, friends,
actual authority figures, etc), they are uniformly less confrontational, have higher rates of success, better overall
health,
and are more peaceful overall.
Citations: Websdale, Ferraro, et al. (2019); Sorenson & Schut (2018); Campbell,
Webster, et al. (2003); McFarlane, Campbell, et al. (1999), Dunedin Multidisciplinary Health and
Development Study
https:\/\/www.everytown.org\/issues\/domestic-violence\/ , https:\/\/efsgv.org\/ , quora.com (dv +
correlation gun ownership)<\/div><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

They don\u2019t come out and tell you they\u2019ve been violent before. They don\u2019t necessarily tell youthey\u2019re \u201cinto guns\u201d. They don\u2019t let you know they\u2019re moving in AND have a gun. It\u2019s also not thea gun that is the real problem; it\u2019s what they do when their violent impulses take over, and theseviolent impulses turn into […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":164,"featured_media":18353,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[348,569],"tags":[92,161,162,90,665,116,117,374,128,34],"class_list":["post-19078","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-blog","category-domestic-abuse","tag-abuse","tag-break-the-silence-against-domestic-violence","tag-btsadv","tag-domestic-violence","tag-eltmpl","tag-emotional-abuse","tag-physical-abuse","tag-survivor-stories","tag-trauma","tag-verbal-abuse"],"yoast_head":"\nDomestic Violence, Firearms, and Impulse Control - Break the Silence Against Domestic Violence<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/breakthesilencedv.org\/?p=19078\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Domestic Violence, Firearms, and Impulse Control - Break the Silence Against Domestic Violence\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"They don\u2019t come out and tell you they\u2019ve been violent before. They don\u2019t necessarily tell youthey\u2019re \u201cinto guns\u201d. They don\u2019t let you know they\u2019re moving in AND have a gun. It\u2019s also not thea gun that is the real problem; it\u2019s what they do when their violent impulses take over, and theseviolent impulses turn into […]\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/breakthesilencedv.org\/?p=19078\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Break the Silence Against Domestic Violence\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:publisher\" content=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/btsadv\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2024-05-18T17:02:05+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2024-06-11T16:26:44+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/breakthesilencedv.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/10\/Survivor-Stories-Graphics-mm-37.png\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:width\" content=\"940\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:height\" content=\"788\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:type\" content=\"image\/png\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Website Director\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:creator\" content=\"@btsadv\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:site\" content=\"@btsadv\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"Website Director\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"6 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\\\/\\\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"Article\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/breakthesilencedv.org\\\/?p=19078#article\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/breakthesilencedv.org\\\/?p=19078\"},\"author\":{\"name\":\"Website Director\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/breakthesilencedv.org\\\/#\\\/schema\\\/person\\\/f61870953cda3e174db9a616bd685513\"},\"headline\":\"Domestic Violence, Firearms, and Impulse Control\",\"datePublished\":\"2024-05-18T17:02:05+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2024-06-11T16:26:44+00:00\",\"mainEntityOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/breakthesilencedv.org\\\/?p=19078\"},\"wordCount\":1163,\"publisher\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/breakthesilencedv.org\\\/#organization\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/breakthesilencedv.org\\\/?p=19078#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\\\/\\\/breakthesilencedv.org\\\/wp-content\\\/uploads\\\/2023\\\/10\\\/Survivor-Stories-Graphics-mm-37.png\",\"keywords\":[\"abuse\",\"break the silence against domestic violence\",\"btsadv\",\"domestic violence\",\"eltmpl\",\"emotional abuse\",\"physical abuse\",\"survivor stories\",\"trauma\",\"verbal abuse\"],\"articleSection\":[\"Blog\",\"Domestic Abuse\"],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\"},{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/breakthesilencedv.org\\\/?p=19078\",\"url\":\"https:\\\/\\\/breakthesilencedv.org\\\/?p=19078\",\"name\":\"Domestic Violence, Firearms, and Impulse Control - 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