By Iris Pendelton<\/p>\n\n\n\n
As millions of children prepare to return to school, teachers are getting ready, too.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Classrooms are being decorated.
School supplies are being organized.
Lesson plans are being prepared.
Professional development is underway.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
But there is another important preparation that deserves attention.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Learning how to recognize when a child’s behavior may be connected to trauma.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n Domestic violence affects families in every community.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Many teachers will have children in their classrooms who have witnessed or lived around domestic violence. In some cases, the adults at school may have no idea what is happening at home.<\/p>\n\n\n\n A child does not have to be physically assaulted to be harmed by domestic violence.<\/p>\n\n\n\n They may hear threats, witness violence, see a parent being controlled, humiliated, intimidated, or injured, live with the constant fear of wondering when the next incident will happen.<\/p>\n\n\n\n That experience can affect a child’s emotional well-being, behavior, relationships, and sense of safety.<\/p>\n\n\n\n As a new school year begins, educators have an opportunity to look beyond what may appear to be a simple behavior problem<\/strong>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Sometimes behavior is a child’s way of communicating that something is wrong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n When a child acts out, adults often focus on stopping the behavior.<\/p>\n\n\n\n We may ask:<\/p>\n\n\n\n “Why is this child being so difficult?”<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n “Why can’t they just behave?”<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n But another question may be even more important:<\/p>\n\n\n\n “What has this child experienced?”<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n Children do not always have the words to explain fear, anger, confusion, or trauma.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Instead, they may communicate through behavior.<\/p>\n\n\n\n What looks like defiance may be fear, aggression may be anger or survival behavior, attention-seeking may be a child desperately looking for connection.<\/p>\n\n\n\n This does not mean every challenging behavior is caused by domestic violence.<\/p>\n\n\n\n It means we should avoid making assumptions before considering what may be happening underneath the behavior.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Children respond to domestic violence in different ways.<\/p>\n\n\n\n There is no single behavioral pattern.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Some children become angry or aggressive.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Others become quiet and withdrawn.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Some may appear extremely watchful.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Others may try to become perfect.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Possible behaviors can include:<\/p>\n\n\n\n These behaviors do not automatically mean a child has witnessed domestic violence<\/strong>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n There are many possible explanations for changes in a child’s behavior.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Trauma may be one.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Bullying, grief, family stress, developmental needs, mental health concerns, and other difficult experiences may also play a role.<\/p>\n\n\n\n The important point is this:<\/p>\n\n\n\n A concerning behavior deserves attention, not automatic judgment.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n There is a common misconception that children are unharmed if the violence was not directed at them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n That is not true.<\/p>\n\n\n\n A child can be deeply affected by witnessing domestic violence.<\/p>\n\n\n\n They may hear an argument through a bedroom wall, see one parent being pushed, hit, threatened, controlled, or humiliated, see damaged furniture or property, witness injuries, see police arrive at their home, experience the emotional aftermath of an abusive incident, constantly wonder:<\/p>\n\n\n\n “When is it going to happen again?”<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n Home is supposed to be a place where children feel safe.<\/p>\n\n\n\n When violence and intimidation happen there, that sense of safety can be disrupted.<\/p>\n\n\n\n A child may begin to believe that danger can happen at any moment.<\/p>\n\n\n\n That fear can follow them into the classroom.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Domestic violence is not only about physical injuries.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Children can be harmed by what they see, hear, and experience around violence.<\/p>\n\n\n\n They may watch someone they love being abused, hear threats, witness intimidation, see the emotional consequences after an incident, live in an environment where everyone is constantly waiting for the next explosion.<\/p>\n\n\n\n That fear matters.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Witnessing domestic violence is not simply “seeing something that happened between adults.”<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n For a child, it can become an experience that affects how they understand safety, relationships, trust, and conflict.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Children do not always know how to say:<\/p>\n\n\n\n “I am scared.”<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n “I don’t feel safe at home.”<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n “I am angry about what happened.”<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n “I think the violence was my fault.”<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n “I am worried someone I love will get hurt.”<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n Instead, they may show us through their behavior, destroys property may be struggling with overwhelming anger, hurts themselves may be attempting to cope with emotional pain., constantly insults others may be repeating language they have heard, puts themselves down may have internalized negative messages, becomes aggressive may have learned that aggression is how people solve problems or gain control.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Another child may become extremely quiet.<\/p>\n\n\n\n They may avoid attention, follow every rule, become almost invisible.<\/p>\n\n\n\n There is no single way a child responds to domestic violence trauma<\/strong>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Punishment alone does not address the reason behind a behavior.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Boundaries still matter.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Accountability still matters.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Children need to understand that hurting themselves, other people, or property is not acceptable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n But correction can happen alongside compassion.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Instead of asking only:<\/p>\n\n\n\n “How do we stop this behavior?”<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n Adults can also ask:<\/p>\n\n\n\n These questions should be approached carefully.<\/p>\n\n\n\n A child should never be pressured to disclose abuse.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Teachers and other adults should not attempt to investigate suspected abuse themselves.<\/p>\n\n\n\n When concerns arise, they should be handled according to applicable child-protection and mandatory-reporting requirements.<\/p>\n\n\n\n One behavior alone should never be treated as proof of domestic violence.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Self-harm can have many causes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Aggression can have many causes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Negative self-talk can have many causes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Destructive behavior can have many causes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Trauma is only one possible explanation.<\/p>\n\n\n\n The goal is not to label a child, accuse a family, to recognize that troubling behavior may be a sign that a child is struggling.<\/p>\n\n\n\n A child should not automatically be dismissed as having a:<\/p>\n\n\n\n “bad attitude.”<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n “behavior problem.”<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n “discipline issue.”<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n Sometimes the behavior is telling us that the child needs help.<\/p>\n\n\n\n When adults remain observant, respond calmly, and involve appropriate professionals, children have a greater opportunity to receive meaningful support.<\/p>\n\n\n\n One of the most important messages a child exposed to domestic violence may need to hear is:<\/p>\n\n\n\n The violence was not your fault.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n Children may believe they caused an argument.<\/p>\n\n\n\n They may believe they should have protected a parent, could have stopped the abuse, may believe they are responsible for keeping everyone safe.<\/p>\n\n\n\n They are not.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Children need consistent reminders that:<\/p>\n\n\n\n A stable relationship with a caring adult can also provide an important sense of safety and predictability.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Healing may involve different forms of support.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Depending on the child’s needs, that support may include:<\/p>\n\n\n\n Sometimes healing begins with something very simple.<\/p>\n\n\n\n An adult notices, listens, stays calm, adult does not immediately assume the child is simply being difficult.<\/p>\n\n\n\n That moment can matter.<\/p>\n\n\n\n If a teacher or school employee becomes concerned that a child may be experiencing abuse or domestic violence, they should follow the reporting and child-protection requirements that apply in their state.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Reporting laws differ by jurisdiction.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Educators should know their school’s procedures and understand their legal responsibilities.<\/p>\n\n\n\n If a child makes a disclosure:<\/p>\n\n\n\n Listen calmly.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n Take the concern seriously.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n Do not interrogate the child.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n Do not attempt to investigate the situation yourself.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n Document what was directly observed or disclosed according to school policy.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n Contact the appropriate professionals or authorities as required.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n If a child is in immediate danger, call 911<\/strong>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n The goal is not to conduct an investigation.<\/p>\n\n\n\n The goal is to help connect the child with people who are trained and authorized to respond.<\/p>\n\n\n\n The next time a child displays challenging behavior, pause before defining that child by what they have done.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Instead of asking:<\/p>\n\n\n\n “What is wrong with this child?”<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n Try asking:<\/p>\n\n\n\n “What may have happened to this child, and what do they need to feel safe?”<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n That question does not excuse harmful behavior, does something different, creates room for understanding, allows adults to address the behavior while also considering the possibility of pain underneath it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n They saw it, heard it, lived around it, may have feared it. And they may carry those experiences into the classroom long after the incident is over.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Not every child who displays aggression, self-harm, negative self-talk, withdrawal, or destructive behavior has witnessed domestic violence.<\/p>\n\n\n\n As adults, we have an opportunity to look beyond the behavior, can respond with patience, ask better questions, create safer environments, connect children with qualified support, And we can remind them of something they may need to hear again and again:<\/p>\n\n\n\n The violence was never your fault.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n Every child deserves to feel safe, child deserves to be heard, And every child deserves the opportunity to heal.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Break The Silence Against Domestic Violence provides survivor-focused support and resources.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Support Line:<\/strong> 1-855-BTS-1777
\n\n\n\nWhat Is Behind the Behavior?<\/h1>\n\n\n\n
\n\n\n\nPossible Signs of Trauma in Children<\/h1>\n\n\n\n
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\n\n\n\nWitnessing Domestic Violence Causes Real Harm<\/h1>\n\n\n\n
\n\n\n\nA Child Does Not Have to Be Hit to Be Harmed<\/h1>\n\n\n\n
\n\n\n\nBehavior Is Often Communication<\/h1>\n\n\n\n
\n\n\n\nLook Beyond the Behavior<\/h1>\n\n\n\n
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\n\n\n\nRespond With Care, Not Assumptions<\/h1>\n\n\n\n
\n\n\n\nChildren May Blame Themselves<\/h1>\n\n\n\n
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\n\n\n\nTrauma-Informed Support Can Make a Difference<\/h1>\n\n\n\n
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\n\n\n\nWhat Should an Educator Do If They Have Concerns?<\/h1>\n\n\n\n
\n\n\n\nChange the Question<\/h1>\n\n\n\n
\n\n\n\nEvery Child Deserves to Feel Safe<\/h1>\n\n\n\n
Break The Silence Against Domestic Violence<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
Hours:<\/strong> 9 a.m.\u20139 p.m. CST, 7 days a week<\/p>\n\n\n\n