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<\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n\nMy name is Renee, and I am a\nsurvivor of domestic violence. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I’m 24 years old, and I was in an on and off again\nrelationship. When we got back together for the millionth time over the past seven years, I thought his drug habit was harmless. He seemed to have it under control. We\nspent an entire week together; he was so attentive, loving, and caring. He bonded with my daughter, and I was so happy.\n<\/p>\n\n\n\n
But then I didn’t see\nhim for three weeks. I barely heard from him until he suddenly became homeless\nand needed somewhere to stay. I loved this man, so I opened my home to him. However, he was so distant; he didn\u2019t want any intimacy\nor affection. Our quality time meant watching a movie or sleeping. I\nexpressed how I felt but, somehow, he turned that around on me making me feel\nlike I was smothering him. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
The very first time I noticed his abusive behavior we had a\nsmall argument about something, and he\nspat in my face. I walked out of my room, and\nhe got up, calling me a fat s**t over and over. He threw a box at me, pushed me,\nand degrading me, saying, \u201cNo wonder no one wants you, fatty.\u201d I was crying\nhorribly. He then walked back to my room, and my daughter followed him. I wish\nI didn’t have to go in to get her but trying to call her back out to me wasn\u2019t\nworking. He cuddled me, smiled, and apologized. He\njust held me. I knew it wasn\u2019t okay, but he said that he was sorry. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
He was going to see his daughter anyway, so I had time to pull myself together. However, it didn’t make it any better. A few\ndays after he returned, he demanded me to get him drugs, yelling at me speaking\nto me badly making me feel like I had done something wrong. I tried to organize\nsomeone to get on for me desperately, but I couldn’t. I was feeling quite afraid because I didn’t know who this person\nwas that he was now showing to me. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I went into the garage and just sat crying. He came out to me and punched me in the face. I\nstood up freaking out and started pacing.\nHe pulled my hair, grabbed the back of my\nneck telling me to shut up. Telling me\nthat it’s my fault. Telling me to get\ninside. I went inside and sat on the couch\nhoping that he wasn\u2019t going to do it again \u2013 but he did. He kept yelling at me,\nso I got my phone to call the police. Instead,\nhe took it from me. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
He decided to go for a walk\nand cool off. Once he returned, we just went to sleep. My daughter woke\nup at about 4 a.m. After trying to settle\nher, I put her in my bed. I forgot to\nturn my alarm off, and it went off at 4.30. I had plans to go see a friend. It was a decent train ride, so\nwe had to get up early. My daughter and I got up, and I started preparing to get her dressed so we\u2019d be ready to get\nthe next train. But he got up and started\nyelling at me in front of my daughter. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I asked him not to do it in front of her, but he didn\u2019t\ncare. He threw her shoes at me and told me to stop being so dumb. My daughter and I just sat on the couch; I felt so\nsmall. He punched me in the arm, used my legs as a punching bag, and repeatedly\nhead-butted me. I took my daughter back\nto bed, and he followed me, telling me to\nget back to bed. He continued to hit me in the legs, and then he punched me in the face again. I kissed my daughter\ngoodnight and told her to go back to sleep.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I was terrified; I went into the spare room, but he still\nfollowed me. This time, he had a knife. I tried calling the police again twice;\nhe threw my phone each time. I then got to the house phone to call my mum, and\nhe took that, too. He threatened to stab me if I\ndidn’t go back to bed, so I started walking back to the bedroom. As I\ndid, he pushed me into the wall. He knew what he did was wrong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Again, he cuddled me and said he was sorry. I didn\u2019t get\nmuch sleep that night. At about 9 a.m., my daughter and I went to my mum\u2019s house\nbefore leaving to see a friend. He kept calling and texting, threatening and\ndemanding me to get home \u2013 threatening to kill himself, threatening to smash my\nhouse up if I didn\u2019t. I only told my mum about him punching me, but not about\neverything else. She told me to leave him. But\nI didn’t. He threatened to hurt me worse than the time before, and I still went\nback. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
He made tea for us that night, watched a movie with my\ndaughter, and I loved him. A few days later it happened again. I didn\u2019t answer\na question, so he strangled me and hit me in the arm again. He pushed my head into the wall and tried dragging me to my\nroom as he yelled at me. I texted my mum to ring the police because I knew I couldn’t do it. He did two months for this.\n<\/p>\n\n\n\n
He is now off the drugs. I almost<\/em> went back. He would still verbally abuse me through texts,\nblowing up my phone in the middle of the night. But\nI still loved him. Because I love him, I\nlet him treat me this way. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Love is not an excuse. Love shouldn’t hurt. I thought he had\nchanged. But the only difference with him\nis, he doesn\u2019t want to hurt me. If he had seen me, he would have recognized\nthis. An abuser doesn\u2019t change. Once they cross\nthat line, they can\u2019t stop.<\/p>\n\n\n\n ========<\/p>\n\n\n\n What\u2019s YOUR Raw Truth?<\/p>\n\n\n\n Sharing our stories can be incredibly empowering while also\nhelping others connect with survivors who have similar experiences. If you are\ninspired to share your story with us, complete the form below. You can choose\nto remain anonymous.<\/p>\n\n\n\n