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<\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n\nWritten by: Pam, Survivor<\/p>\n\n\n\n
When we met, I was 19; he\nwas a few years older. He was charming, funny and handsome. He told me his\nstory of heartbreak. I believed his lies; my heart went out to him, and I fell\nfor him. We had children together, and we\nwere married for 13 years. The abuse\nstarted small but escalated over the years. This\nwas many years ago before everyone had cell phones, before personal\ncomputers. Now when I read about and hear all of the signs of domestic\nviolence, I can say that, yes, I experienced nearly every one of them. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
He had periods of time\nwhere he was not abusive; this could last\nfor months, weeks or days. During the calm times, I would get my hopes up that\nhe had changed, that we would have a normal family life. I never knew when he\nwould spiral out of control; it usually\ncame out of nowhere. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
When he tried to direct his rage, usually verbal, at our\nchildren, I got in the middle of it; I\nwas their protector. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I believe one reason I didn’t leave is that I knew if we\nwere to separate and divorce, he would have the children alone with him at\nvarious times. Right or wrong, one reason I stayed with this man was to protect\nmy kids from being alone with him. I felt beaten down. I felt trapped\nfinancially, emotionally and physically. I was\nso weak. I felt isolated. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I felt guilty for staying with him. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Towards the end, he had a hunting rifle out on the floor\ncleaning it. I can still see this scene in my mind. We had been fighting quite\na bit, and the subject of divorce and\nchild custody came up. I made the comment\nthat the mother is normally awarded\ncustody of the children. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
He looked up at me as he was cleaning this gun and said, “Not if the mother is dead.”<\/em> I\nremember shutting my mouth and praying that somehow the kids and I could get\nout of this nightmare. Not too long after this incident, he left us and went to\nanother state. He left us with nothing. We were in the process of being evicted\nfrom our house, and our car had been repossessed. <\/p>\n\n\n\n I never opened up to my family about the abuse over the\nyears. They knew he could have a bit of a temper, but he was a charmer and\ncould be a totally different person\naround them. No one heard about what when on behind closed doors. <\/p>\n\n\n\n After my ex left, my family and church helped me get on my\nfeet. I went to college and earned a degree.\nMy ex told me continually I wasn’t smart enough for college. <\/p>\n\n\n\n I felt safe; my kids\nfelt safe, and our home was calm. Yes, I still had to deal with my ex for\nseveral years, but thankfully it was from a distance.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Soon after my divorce, I met a wonderful, kind, loving man.\nWe fell in love, real love. He loves my children\nand me. My ex said another man would never want me. My husband and I\nhave been happily married for over 25\nyears. God brought us together, and I am so\nthankful. <\/p>\n\n\n\n This is a very short version\nof my story. There are so many details, thoughts, feelings, memories\nthat I could share. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Please know, there is life after abuse. <\/p>\n\n\n\n There is always hope, joy, love, and peace. <\/p>\n\n\n\n There is healing.<\/p>\n\n\n\n I know, I found it, and\nI am thankful.<\/p>\n\n\n\n ========<\/p>\n\n\n\n What\u2019s YOUR Raw Truth?<\/p>\n\n\n\n Sharing our stories can be incredibly empowering while also\nhelping others connect with survivors who have similar experiences. If you are\ninspired to share your story with us, complete the form below. You can choose\nto remain anonymous.<\/p>\n\n\n\n