{"id":8478,"date":"2019-02-18T18:32:43","date_gmt":"2019-02-19T01:32:43","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/c76.aa7.myftpupload.com\/?p=8478"},"modified":"2019-02-18T18:33:16","modified_gmt":"2019-02-19T01:33:16","slug":"survivor-story-part-1-i-told-my-family-i-had-it-under-control","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/breakthesilencedv.org\/?p=8478","title":{"rendered":"Survivor Story Part 1: I Told My Family I Had It Under Control"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
\"\"<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

Written by: Kourtney, Survivor<\/p>\n\n\n\n

CDL and I began dating when I was sixteen years old. We were together for seven years, having two girls – KL and LL. In late 2011, CDL became the non-custodial parent. The family abuse center and CPS advised I file for sole custody, but in the end it was my decision. I filed a basic joint custody agreement with the lowest child support payments possible. CDL was petitioned but did not come. An advocate from the family abuse center came with me just in case. A family violence caution was issued and we were to be met in separate offices in the child support division. CDL did not have contact with KL or LL for over six years.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was no way to\nconvince me I was a battered woman while it was happening. I shut out anyone\nwho tried. I was eventually isolated from everyone I knew. I was sent home from\nwork on a regular basis. I needed medical attention a few times. The hospital\nor Family Practice Center gave me the hotline papers every time I came in. I\nwould even get them when I took KL and LL for checkups. I was used to the\nmental abuse. I always forgave the physical abuse. His guilt afterwards was so\noverwhelming, I mistook it for love.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

CDL shot a guy in\n2006. He got in a friend\u2019s car who drove him to my grandparent\u2019s house. I don’t\nknow how long he was there before I got home from work. I had a timecard\nshowing I had clocked out twenty minutes prior to police surrounding the house.\nI went to jail, felony hindering apprehension. I spent nine months on\nprobation. The driver received the most severe punishment. CDL was charged with\nmisdemeanor assault with a deadly weapon on a family member and spent four\nmonths at highway six. My charge was lowered to misdemeanor hindering\napprehension once I finished my probation. The victim was shot point blank in\nhis leg with a .22 caliber rifle.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

CPS investigated me\nthe first time in 2008. KL was a newborn. I had to drive CDL to the emergency\nroom after he shot himself with a .38 caliber handgun. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

The physical abuse\nstarted when I became pregnant with LL. My granny and CDL came with me to find\nout the sex of the baby. CDL threw a fit and stormed out of the room after we\nfound out LL was a girl. A few months later, I went to the doctor after CDL\ngrabbed my jaw and his finger punctured a hole under my tongue.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In 2010, I\nsustained a broken finger. I was regularly sent home from work for the way my\nface looked. CDL embarrassed me several times at my job and was arrested. He\nbecame angry at me because he was arrested early in the morning at a donut shop.\nNobody calls the cops because they’re already around waiting to come in for\nbreakfast. He was arrested one morning and his sister, C, picked him up from\njail. I didn’t see him for three days. An officer came to my job one morning\nand instructed me to come into the station when I got off work. I forgot and\nwent home for a nap before I had to get the girls from my granny. Every window\nin the house was busted, the doors were both in the yard, the TV’s missing and\nmy laptop and desktop were smashed in the driveway. I went to the police\nstation. I was issued a citation after CDL, C and C’s boyfriend came into the\nstation claiming to have witnessed me beat up CDL. The officer knew it was\nbogus. He wasn’t the one who took the complaint, however, so it was filed and\nthere was nothing he could do. He told me to just pay the ticket he wasn’t\ngoing to take me to jail or charge me with anything. C and her boyfriend did\nthat to CDL and tried to file charges at me for it, I assume. I never said\nanother word about it, because wasn’t worth picking a losing battle over.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I decided I was\ntaking the girls and leaving. I began to prepare after my granny and my mom\nwent ballistic after they witnessed CDL choke me until I was unconscious. I\ntold them I had it under control, he does that all the time, and it’s no big\ndeal. I now know it was and I could have died. My granny was in the middle of\nthe floor crying. She kept saying over and over I was going to let him kill me\nand the girls would be next if they got stuck with him. My mom was frantic\nsaying look what you\u2019re doing to your kids and your granny. The girls were\nwatching TV. They were used to it, and I knew it had to change.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I went to the\ndistrict attorney\u2019s office and filed for a protection order in late 2010. It\nwas denied. The letter was sent to my address. CDL confronted me about it. I\nhad to take off work for a few days and ignored my family after CDL held me\ndown to make shallow cuts up and down my arms with his pocket knife. JS was a\nwitness to this. CDL told me if I left with the girls he would call the cops\nand tell them I tried to kill myself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I tried to leave a\nfew weeks later. I had the girls at my granny’s and the car packed up to leave\nwhen CDL pulled up and blocked me in the driveway. I backed into his truck a\nfew times begging him to please move. He is the most scary when he is calmly\nasking me to do something with a smile on his face. He was asking me to please\nget out of car so we could talk. I was terrified and hysterical. He started\nsaying I could leave anytime I wanted, I just had to get out and walk away. I\neventually got out. He choked me until I fell unconscious. I woke up in his\ntruck bed. He was trying to sling me out. I picked up a trolley motor and started\nbusting out the back windshield. I was crawling out the back window I smashed\nout when the cops showed up. I was maniacal. He was calm, cool and collective.\nI went to jail. CDL filed an emergency protection order against me for him and\nthe girls.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

CDL lost the house,\neverything in the house, and totaled his truck within a matter of a few months.\nI would not answer his phone calls. He eventually dropped the girls off at my granny’s.\nA week later he threatened to call the police if I didn’t bring them back to\nhim. I had my mom take them to him. He called me all night long on my birthday\nand well into the next morning. I finally answered at about five or six in the\nmorning to make sure it wasn’t about KL or LL. CDL pleaded and begged and cried\nasking me to keep the girls and take him to work. I caved. I pulled up and got\nout of the car to go get the girls\u2019 carseats ready. CDL snatched my phone and\nkeys. My phone was smashed and my keys were thrown. He kept telling me the ball\nis in his court and I was playing a game I could never win. He promised me\nthat. Over and over again he repeated himself. He had the house phone in his\nhand waving it around. His terminally ill grandfather was sitting on the porch\ntrying to talk to him. His grandpa started to cry and tell me he was sorry he\ncouldn’t help me. I knew that because he wasn’t physically able to. I was on\nthe ground curled up and CDL was kicking me with his steel toed boot. He called\nthe cops. I had to go to the hospital before I spent three days in jail. The\npolice report said what CDL had told them. I showed up and he called the\npolice, then I fell down trying to run away, I must have twisted my ankle. My\nfoot was five times the size it was normally. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

The officer told\nhospital staff I needed my foot x-rayed and that it was probably a twisted\nankle because I tried to run. I insisted it was my knee. It felt like it was\ngoing to bend backwards when I stood up. I stated I was kicked with a steel toed\nboot. There were deep indentations up and down my shin. They x-rayed my foot.\nNothing. They x-rayed my knee. My right proximal tibia was smashed into 5\ndifferent pieces and my ACL was torn. The cop said I shouldn’t have run. The\ndoctor said unless I fell out of a four story window, I didn’t get that injury\nfrom a fall. I was told the injury is consistent with having been in a high\nspeed car accident. I was given a CVC form, but refused to fill it out. I was\nscared. I went to jail and was charged with violation of a protection order.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Three days later,\nmy mom picked me up. My cousin’s wife, H, called my granny that day. I answered\nthe phone and H told me that CDL left the girls with her three days ago and she\ndidn’t know what to do. She didn’t have any carseats or clothes. They came in a\ndiaper and that’s it. My mom went and got them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A couple weeks go\nby before there is a social worker knocking on the door. CDL had called SWI as\nwell as went up to the office in person in his grandpa’s suit and tie. It was\nalleged that I was drunk when I showed up and demanded I have the kids. I\nforcefully shoved them in the car kicking and screaming. He didn’t want me to\nget into any more trouble than I was already in. He loves me and just prays\nthat I will get the help I need so we can be a family. He is concerned for the\nkids\u2019 safety on the count of my drug and sex addiction, and he didn\u2019t want that\nkind of stuff going on in front of his children.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I couldn’t walk,\nmuch less drive. My leg was broken. CPS made the girls and me relocate for our\nsafety. We lived at the family abuse center for seven months. A judge dropped\nmy charges, but left the protection order in place, taking the girls off of it.\nHe stated he didn’t want to see me back in his courtroom with any matter\ninvolving CDL. But, here I am.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

CPS closed my case\nand opened another just as quickly. CPS documented we needed to be monitored to\nensure our safety due to threat of harm by CDL, who made yet another false\nreport. The next day he destroyed my granny’s yard. This happened a few times\nas well as vandalism of my vehicle. In 2013, Granny and I ended up having to\npress charges against him for destruction of property and burglary of a motor\nvehicle. When police came to inform us they had arrested him, I was given back\nmy driver\u2019s license. It was in his wallet. He sent me text and Facebook messages\npromising he would have his revenge.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In November 2013,\nthe CPS case that went on for two years closed. I had been dating RL for about\na year. The girls and I moved in with him. Everything was great. We were happy.\nIt was natural and we became a family. We had game night, movie night, and\npicnics. We would go to the park, to the movies, and vacation every summer. We\nhad awesome birthday parties, packed lunches for school every day, a bedroom\nthey designed themselves, nice clothes and shoes everyone complimented, and the\nnewest PS4 games. Now their room is empty.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In March 2015, baby CML was born. LL told everyone she got a baby brother for her birthday. I scheduled my cesarean for the Monday of spring break so I could stay a week with CML before I went back to school the following Monday. NB, who works for CPS, came to the house. I took a parenting class. The first night I went to the class there was a girl taking my picture. CDL showed up at the class. CR is now CDL’s wife. The instructor sent me home and set up one on one special class time for me after the incident. I finished quickly and life went on.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

**If you or someone you know is in an abusive relationship, there is help. You can visit the Break the Silence website at www.breakthesilencedv.org, chat with one of our helpline advocates at 855-287-1777, or send a private message through our Facebook page.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\nhttp:\/\/c76.aa7.myftpupload.com\/rawtruthdv\/\n<\/div><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

========<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Our mission is to provide resources and support services to victims, survivors, and families impacted by domestic violence. Without the support of our community, the services and programs we provide would not be possible. Your support enables us to continue programs that are critical to those affected by abuse to rebuild their lives and thrive.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Click here to donate!<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Written by: Kourtney, Survivor CDL and I began dating when I was sixteen years old. We were together for seven years, having two girls – KL and LL. In late 2011, CDL became the non-custodial parent. The family abuse center and CPS advised I file for sole custody, but in the end it was my […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":4,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[6],"tags":[147,92,105,161,150,90,116,117,149,115,27,95],"class_list":["post-8478","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-break-your-silence","tag-rawtruthdv","tag-abuse","tag-break-the-silence","tag-break-the-silence-against-domestic-violence","tag-break-your-silence","tag-domestic-violence","tag-emotional-abuse","tag-physical-abuse","tag-share-your-story","tag-survivor","tag-survivor-spotlight","tag-survivor-story"],"yoast_head":"\nSurvivor Story Part 1: I Told My Family I Had It Under Control - Break the Silence Against Domestic Violence<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/breakthesilencedv.org\/?p=8478\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Survivor Story Part 1: I Told My Family I Had It Under Control - Break the Silence Against Domestic Violence\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Written by: Kourtney, Survivor CDL and I began dating when I was sixteen years old. 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We were together for seven years, having two girls – KL and LL. In late 2011, CDL became the non-custodial parent. 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