{"id":9817,"date":"2019-08-30T10:52:09","date_gmt":"2019-08-30T17:52:09","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/btsadv.wpengine.com\/?p=9575"},"modified":"2025-01-01T12:03:49","modified_gmt":"2025-01-01T19:03:49","slug":"emotional-abuse-and-sleep-deprivation-as-tools-of-coercion-part-two","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/breakthesilencedv.org\/?p=9817","title":{"rendered":"Emotional Abuse and Sleep Deprivation as Tools of Coercion \u2013 Part Two"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<div class=\"wp-block-image\"><figure class=\"aligncenter is-resized\"><img fetchpriority=\"high\" decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/breakthesilencedv.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/08\/Exhaustion-3.jpg\" alt=\"\" class=\"wp-image-9577\" width=\"668\" height=\"444\"\/><\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Written and adapted by: Amy, BTSADV Volunteer <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">In <a href=\"https:\/\/breakthesilencedv.org\/emotional-abuse-and-sleep-deprivation-as-tools-of-coercion-part-one\/\">part one of this series<\/a>, I discussed the basic progression of verbal and emotional abuse and how it can affect us. I also made references to another frequently applied but barely spoken of method of abuse in the abuser\u2019s arsenal against their victim: forced sleep deprivation. If you have ever had a night a two of little to no sleep, you know the frustration of being exhausted and having difficulties thinking and functioning as well as you usually would. \u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Our biology&nbsp;was not made to work efficiently in this\nmanner. Sleep is a restorative process that does more than clear the \u2018junk\u2019\nthat builds up in our brains every day. It also allows the brain to hard-wire\nnew, crucial connections that may have been formed during the day. When we go\nwithout sleep, we can have issues focusing and processing even the simplest of\ntasks, and our ability to retain important information is compromised. Why?\nBecause we are not machines. We are living beings who require rest to remain\nfocused, healthy, and vital.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Use of forced sleep deprivation is more common in the\ncontext of intimate partner violence than many of us realize because it is so\nfrequently used with more overt methods of abuse. Many of us have been\nsubjected to this unknowingly because we are often simultaneously subjected to\nverbal, emotional, physical, and sexual abuse. It is for this reason that it is\nimperative that we start to include this method in our dialogue on domestic\nviolence.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">According to an article on&nbsp;<a href=\"https:\/\/www.psychologytoday.com\/blog\/dreaming-in-the-digital-age\/201412\/why-sleep-deprivation-is-torture\">Psychology\nToday<\/a>, there are primary effects and dangers posed by lack of sleep that we\nall suffer from time to time separate from the context of abuse. (The list\nprogresses from the initial impact of losing sleep and progresses through\nchronic to severe and fatal impacts):<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ol class=\"wp-block-list\"><li>Fatigue, irritability, inability to focus<\/li><li>Impaired ability to read, speak, and make logical choices, in addition to decreased body temperature and increased appetite<\/li><li>Disorientation, hallucinations, lethargy\/exhaustion, and isolation from others<\/li><li>Prolonged sleep deprivation can lead to severe mental and physical consequences:<ul><li>increased appetite can lead to weight gain if chronically persistent<\/li><li>compromised immune system<\/li><li>decreased metabolism<\/li><li>memory loss<\/li><li>increase in risky behaviors and aggression (especially putting others at risk by default \u2013 driving, operating machinery, nursing) and becoming increasingly prone to accidents<\/li><li>the body becomes unable to repair damage, purge toxic chemicals, and strengthen cognitive abilities<\/li><li>increased risk for obesity, diabetes, heart disease, heart failure, stroke, high blood pressure, and other illnesses<\/li><li>depression and other mental health issues, up to and including the risk of self-harm and suicide<\/li><\/ul><\/li><li>If sleep deprivation continues long enough, it has the potential to cause \u201cwidespread physiological failure\u201d \u2013 ending in death (an example of this is \u201c<a href=\"http:\/\/www.businessinsider.com\/japan-rethinks-work-life-balance-after-suicide-2016-12\">karoshi<\/a>\u201d stories in Japan)<\/li><li>It should be noted that you cannot make up sleep debt once you\u2019ve accumulated too much. Making up sleep debt can only occur in isolated instances, not when it has chronically compounded over time.<\/li><\/ol>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-image\"><figure class=\"aligncenter is-resized\"><img decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/breakthesilencedv.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/08\/Exhaustion-1.jpg\" alt=\"\" class=\"wp-image-9578\" width=\"668\" height=\"441\"\/><\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">The information presented in the article referenced above\nfocuses on the use of sleep deprivation in cases of sanctioned torture, but I\nhighly suggest you read it. While sleep deprivation may not be a method for extracting\naccurate, reliable information in the circumstances presented in the article\n(the article explains why), it is, however, a very effective way to cause a\nphysiological break and force compliance or punish the victim in cases of\nintimate partner violence. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><strong>In order to illustrate how this is applicable to intimate\npartner violence, I will be using my own experiences.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">My abuser noted early on that when I have been asleep for\nshort periods \u2013 generally 30 to 45 minutes, or so \u2013 and I have awakened\nabruptly, my brain struggles to return to a fully alert state.&nbsp;I would be\ndazed and confused, and although able to function minimally, I would be pretty\nmuch incoherent. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">It did not take him long to exploit this as a method of\nabuse. In the fall of 2008, after the physical abuse had already begun, I\nlearned that the mother of his children who he always referred to as his ex \u2013\neven a few years earlier when we became friends \u2013 was, in fact, not an ex at\nall. They were not even officially separated.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">He had several relationships before where the women he became\ninvolved with (and later abused) did so with full knowledge of his marital\nstatus. The woman he had attempted to trap immediately before me knew the truth\nas well, and she initially tried to ignore it. Later, however, her conscience\ngot the better of her, and she cut ties with him. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">My abuser is skilled in troubleshooting and adapting\nbehavior when things do not work out as planned. He steps back and analyzes\nwhere the pain point is and alters it so he can move forward. Most often, he\ndoes this in the context of manipulating and controlling others. Because the\nwoman before me was the first one that chose to walk away before he had ample\nopportunity to condition and entrap her, he adapted his approach. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Unfortunately for me, I was next in line. From the time that\nwe met until a few years later when he escalated to physical abuse, he always \u2013\nunfailingly \u2013 referred to her as his ex, and his sisters and friends would\nlater as well.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">When I found out, I was horrified, and I told him that I was\nnot comfortable being with him knowing he was married. At first, he mocked my\nfeelings, and he became enraged when he realized that it was affecting my\nbehavior (more than my fear of him already had). It was at that point the\nsexual abuse started. When he learned through trial and error that physical\nassaults and highly charged arguments were not enough to force me into giving\nhim his way, he quickly adapted and introduced a new form of abuse into the\nrelationship: forced sleep deprivation.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">He would allow me to fall asleep and sleep undisturbed for\nabout a half-hour before waking me up by punching me in the back of the head\nwith a closed fist. While I was still trying to recover from being jolted awake\nsuddenly and the throbbing pain in the back of my head, he would ambush me by\nscreaming and yelling at me. The stress did not make it any easier for me to\nfocus.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-image\"><figure class=\"aligncenter is-resized\"><img decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/breakthesilencedv.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/08\/Abuse-9.jpg\" alt=\"\" class=\"wp-image-9579\" width=\"668\" height=\"442\"\/><\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">By the time I was lucid enough to respond, he had already\nbegun chasing me around the apartment before he caught up to me or grabbed\nahold of me \u2013 and usually a weapon \u2013 and proceeded to assault me. After the\ninitial assault would come his interrogation followed by a short-lived \u201cquiet\u201d\nwhere he stopped long enough to let me think I would be able to go back to\nsleep \u2013 but not long enough to let the tension to subside.&nbsp;For the rest of\nthe night, we would be trapped in a cycle of yelling, assault, interrogation, and\nuncomfortable silence.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">When morning came, he would lay down to sleep, and I was\nexpected to stay up. If any messes were made the night before, I was forced to\nclean it up. When I was not working, I was to stay up and clean, do laundry, or\nanything else he demanded of me. If he caught me sitting on the couch asleep,\nhe would wake me up by screaming in my face or hitting my head and interrogate\nme as to why I was so tired. I would be given things to do that required me to\nstay up all day, and once I was able to lay down at night, it would start again.\nSleep for a half hour. Fist to the back of the head. Argument. Assault.\nInterrogation. Tense silence. Repeat.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">When we are young, many of us can go a few nights without\nsleep and recover fairly quickly. When you get older, it is no longer as easy\nto recover. Initially, when my ex started using sleep deprivation, he would try\nfor a few days, increasing the length of time as time went by. Three nights\nturned into five. Five nights turned into nine, nine into fourteen, and\nsometimes more.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">For those who have not lost more than a night of sleep here\nor there, there is no way for me to fully explain how being subjected to this\nimpacts a person. After several days of being deprived of sleep, it was tough\nto focus and make logical decisions. My memory would fog up. I hallucinated, became\neasily confused, and started to lose time. This served as more fuel for his\ninterrogations and worsening physical violence. I became unable to distinguish\none day from another or remember things in the correct chronological order, and\nhe began to accuse me of anything he could dream up.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image is-resized\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/breakthesilencedv.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/08\/Woman-Anxiety-8.jpg\" alt=\"\" class=\"wp-image-9580\" width=\"668\" height=\"515\"\/><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Beyond incoherent at this point, I would now be a danger to\nmyself. All of us can remember something ridiculous we did from being too\ntired, like putting milk in the cupboard or throwing a load of dirty clothes in\nthe dryer.&nbsp;It is easy to do these things when you are distracted or tired\nfrom a long day. However, while I could have been putting the milk in a\ncupboard, I would be simultaneously putting the box of cereal on the burner of\nthe stove after turning it on as though I were putting on a pot.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">It was not uncommon for me to be standing in front of the\nsink or the stove falling asleep and falling against the burner, dumping oil,\nor dropping small electrical appliances in the dishwater. I would fall asleep\nwalking down the stairs. Thankfully, I was not driving at this point, because\nfar worse could have happened \u2013 not just to me but to innocent people as well.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Perhaps the worst part of it for me was losing control of my\nability to function or think and act coherently.&nbsp;I reached a point where\nif I was even able to move or speak, I could not object to anything, speak in\nclear sentences, or defend myself against the attacks.&nbsp;He would use this\nas an opportunity to force me to admit to things that I could not remember if\nthey happened the way he claimed. I had a hard time distinguishing reality from\nimplanted facts or memories, and I constantly second-guessed everything.&nbsp;It\nbecame easier for me to either admit I was wrong and deserved to be punished\n(without knowing what I did) or to give in just to get him to stop.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">And then there were the nightmares, phobias, and other\nhealth issues that arose: migraines, palpitations, shortness of breath,\nstabbing pain in my chest, and dizziness. The chronic sleep deprivation also\neventually led me to become a conditioned insomniac who can only sleep for\nshort periods and nets at most 2 \u2013 4 interrupted hours (on a good night) of\nsleep.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">In the third and final installment of this series, we will explore\u00a0how the verbal and emotional abuse compounds with the physical abuse and sleep deprivation to create a dangerous cocktail of coerced compliance. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><em>*This series has been adapted by the author from a series\nthat appeared originally on her personal blog.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">&nbsp;<em>If you or someone you know is in an abusive relationship,\nthere is help. You can visit the Break the Silence website at\nwww.breakthesilencedv.org or chat with one of our helpline advocates at\n855-287-1777.<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Written and adapted by: Amy, BTSADV Volunteer In part one of this series, I discussed the basic progression of verbal and emotional abuse and how it can affect us. I also made references to another frequently applied but barely spoken of method of abuse in the abuser\u2019s arsenal against their victim: forced sleep deprivation. If [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":4,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[348,569],"tags":[161,162,90,116,117,241,128,34],"class_list":["post-9817","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-blog","category-domestic-abuse","tag-break-the-silence-against-domestic-violence","tag-btsadv","tag-domestic-violence","tag-emotional-abuse","tag-physical-abuse","tag-sleep-deprivation","tag-trauma","tag-verbal-abuse"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v28.6 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>Emotional Abuse and Sleep Deprivation as Tools of Coercion \u2013 Part Two - Break the Silence Against Domestic Violence<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/breakthesilencedv.org\/?p=9817\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Emotional Abuse and Sleep Deprivation as Tools of Coercion \u2013 Part Two - Break the Silence Against Domestic Violence\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Written and adapted by: Amy, BTSADV Volunteer In part one of this series, I discussed the basic progression of verbal and emotional abuse and how it can affect us. 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I also made references to another frequently applied but barely spoken of method of abuse in the abuser\u2019s arsenal against their victim: forced sleep deprivation. 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