{"id":9917,"date":"2019-10-24T18:28:16","date_gmt":"2019-10-25T01:28:16","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/btsadv.wpengine.com\/?p=9917"},"modified":"2024-05-28T19:58:14","modified_gmt":"2024-05-29T02:58:14","slug":"what-survivors-want-everyone-to-know-about-domestic-violence-awareness-month","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/breakthesilencedv.org\/?p=9917","title":{"rendered":"What Survivors Want Everyone to Know About Domestic Violence Awareness Month"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">By Jenn Rockefeller<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">It\u2019s been said that you don\u2019t know what someone goes through unless you\u2019ve been through it too. With that said, those who have never endured a domestic violence relationship will have no idea what someone who has been in one goes through. It\u2019s these outsiders who ask survivors questions like, \u201cWell, why didn\u2019t you just leave?\u201d and \u201cWhat did you do to cause that person to do what they did?\u201d&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">These questions, and many more like them, don\u2019t help survivors. In fact, it just leaves us feeling even more alone and filled with shame.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">These questions often spark discussion in the survivor community. It makes us realize that we want outsiders to know that there is a lot more to domestic violence than meets the eye. Personally, what I\u2019d like outsiders to know about domestic violence is this \u2013 please stop asking \u201cWhy didn\u2019t you just leave?\u201d and start asking, \u201cWhy does the abuser abuse?\u201d Let\u2019s face it. When people ask that first question, they are placing blame on the survivor. That is not what we need or want. The focus needs to be placed on the abuser. Why they choose to abuse. Why they do what they do. We need to help society change its mindset about abuse.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">It\u2019s not as easy as \u201cjust leaving.\u201d&nbsp; It\u2019s so much more complex than that. Let\u2019s break it down. Survivors are made to feel like they have no other choice but to stay. The abuser may threaten harm to the survivor, family, friends, or even pets. The abuser may make statements like, \u201cyou\u2019ll never survive on your own,\u201d \u201cno one else will ever love you,\u201d or \u201cyou will never amount to anything.\u201d And that is just a few of the things abusers would say to instill fear within the survivor.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">The question everyone should really be asking is&nbsp;<a href=\"https:\/\/breakthesilencedv.org\/why-do-people-abuse\/\">why do abusers abuse<\/a>. The main take away from that article is this \u2013 abusers abuse because they want to have power and control over another person. Abusing others is a choice.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Another thing that survivors wish everyone knew is we did nothing to provoke or cause the abuse we endured. We are not to blame for what happened, so please stop treating us like we are to blame.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">So what do other survivors wish everyone knew about domestic violence? Here\u2019s what other survivors have to say:&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Kristen Faith, founder of BTSADV, said that she wishes people knew that anyone can be a victim.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\u201cIt doesn\u2019t matter your age, education level or socioeconomic class,\u201d she said. \u201cAnyone can be an abuser. Victims and survivors want you to know that anyone could become either without the awareness and education on how to create healthy relationships.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">One thing Kristen stressed is just how many children witness domestic violence each year. \u201cEvery year five million kids witness abuse. Many of these children can also become victims. Mom and Dad, your kids are watching.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\u201cI wish people knew how difficult it was to navigate the legal system regarding [domestic violence] cases and how hard it can be for survivors to get financial help once they escape, as well as wishing people knew how many &nbsp;undocumented victims don\u2019t report [domestic violence] in fear of their status being exposed and being taken away from their kids,\u201d said Sunny.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Amy said, \u201cI wish that people knew there is nothing a person can do or say that causes their abuse, that it is solely a deliberate choice of the abuser, they know they are doing it, and that stress, drug use, alcohol, and mental health issues don\u2019t cause it. People have this strange need to&nbsp;<a href=\"https:\/\/breakthesilencedv.org\/stop-humanizing-abusers\/\">humanize the abuser<\/a>&nbsp;and in the process, they remove responsibility for their actions yet turn around and blame the victim for causing it or even worse \u201callowing\u201d it to happen.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\u201cVictims are conditioned and intimidated and manipulated and groomed to reach a point where they emotionally no longer feel able to speak up for themselves, they feel they can\u2019t leave, are too scared or broke to leave, or aren\u2019t worth anything else. And under no circumstance is any of that \u2018allowing,\u2019 particularly not when it\u2019s caused by being abused, often under extreme and sustained duress. And when someone is under duress, there cannot be consent or complicity or allowance, because you have no true choice,\u201d added Amy.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Jamey said she wishes that people \u201cknew that psychological abuse is serious and many people quietly suffer in these [domestic violence] relationships and once they have survived those relationships they still suffer from the complete mind manipulation they suffered.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">So why is it so important for people to understand the complexities of domestic violence? For one thing, survivors would be heard and believed more. And that\u2019s just one of the many things a survivor wants \u2013 to be believed. Another thing is that perhaps if more people understood, then survivors could receive the emotional, financial and even legal help that they desperately want and need. More and more abusers would be held accountable for their actions, and survivors wouldn\u2019t feel so isolated in their healing journeys.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><em>If you or someone you know is in an abusive relationship, there is help. You can visit the <a href=\"\/\">Break the Silence <\/a>Against Domestic Violence website at www.breakthesilencedv.org or chat with one of our helpline advocates at 855-287-1777.<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>By Jenn Rockefeller It\u2019s been said that you don\u2019t know what someone goes through unless you\u2019ve been through it too. With that said, those who have never endured a domestic violence relationship will have no idea what someone who has been in one goes through. It\u2019s these outsiders who ask survivors questions like, \u201cWell, why [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":4,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[348,569],"tags":[21,90,91,22,115,119,114],"class_list":["post-9917","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-blog","category-domestic-abuse","tag-after-abuse","tag-domestic-violence","tag-domestic-violence-awareness-month","tag-educational","tag-survivor","tag-survivors","tag-victim"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v28.6 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>What Survivors Want Everyone to Know About Domestic Violence Awareness Month - Break the Silence Against Domestic Violence<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/breakthesilencedv.org\/?p=9917\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"What Survivors Want Everyone to Know About Domestic Violence Awareness Month - Break the Silence Against Domestic Violence\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"By Jenn Rockefeller It\u2019s been said that you don\u2019t know what someone goes through unless you\u2019ve been through it too. 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