{"id":9939,"date":"2019-10-31T13:08:29","date_gmt":"2019-10-31T20:08:29","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/btsadv.wpengine.com\/?p=9939"},"modified":"2019-10-31T13:12:11","modified_gmt":"2019-10-31T20:12:11","slug":"survivor-story-my-experiences-surviving-teen-dating-violence-drives-me-to-help-others","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/breakthesilencedv.org\/?p=9939","title":{"rendered":"Survivor Story: My Experience Surviving Teen Dating Violence Drives Me to Help Others"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p>Written by: Christine Miller<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>It has been years since my abusive relationship ended \u2013 17\nyears to be exact. I was still a teenager when my high school boyfriend and I\nofficially parted ways as we headed to different colleges. But it was not the storybook\nyoung lover saga I had so desperately craved as a hopeless, romantic teen. It\nwas sad, confusing, and he often hurt me; sometimes it was visible and\nrage-filled, and other times with quiet, manipulative words that seared in my\nsubconscious, making me believe that nobody else would ever want me. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I even cried when he broke up with me because I was just\nbroken enough to believe him. I felt defiled, lost, and as though this tarnish\nwas written all over my face. It was like he erased my teenage years in one hateful\nswoop. I lost memories, isolated myself from friends and family, and made\nexcuses for his behavior to myself and anyone who would listen. I was the\ntextbook \u201cperfect victim.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>In the end, I was unrecognizable, and it would be a long\ntime until I came back to myself. I have not seen him since, but he lingered\nunder my skin for years after. I thought I was free, but the constant looking\nover my shoulder, the gripping fear of that nauseatingly familiar ringtone that\ncould chime at any moment, it was everywhere. <em>He<\/em> was everywhere, like a\nghost that no one else could see. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>After years of therapy and support groups, I slowly became a\nperson again. I learned how to maintain healthy relationships, and I stopped\nbreaking out in tears when anyone raised their voice. I let the horror fade\nfrom my body as I replaced it with self-care and love \u2013 and then I wrote a\nbook.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>My debut YA novel <em>Forgiven Are the Starry-Eyed <\/em>was\npublished in April of this year. Through my healing, I grew to learn just how\ncommon teen dating violence is, and it became my mission to help modern teens\nunderstand what is and is <em>not<\/em> normal when it comes to relationships. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>When I was 16, having a boyfriend felt crucial and defining.\nI was already exposed to many adult, mature situations but without an adult, mature\nmind to match (even though I would have begged to differ at the time). We cannot\nexpect teens to know what a healthy relationship is unless we A) tell them, or\nB) let them figure it out after a potentially dangerous game of trial and\nerror. So, I decided I would tell them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I interviewed dozens of teens from all walks of life and\nspoke to other survivors of dating violence. The common themes from my research\nwere 1) a complex shame that prevented us from sharing our stories more\npublicly, 2) a deep-seated belief that we could have or should have stopped or\nprevented the abuse, and 3) having our experiences be minimized and normalized\nat the time by our peers and other adults. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>The latter of these often are invalidated with, <em>\u201cit\u2019s\njust a phase,\u201d<\/em> or, worse, the deafening silence most people exude when\nfaced with something unfamiliar, uncomfortable, and\/or involving relationships.\nI took all of this anger, all of this strength, and all of the hope that still\nflickered lightly behind some survivors\u2019 resilient, starry eyes and put all of\nit into this book.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-image\"><figure class=\"alignright\"><img decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/breakthesilencedv.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/09\/Forgiven-Are-the-Starry-Eyed-3Dlarge-e1572551388962.jpg\" alt=\"\" class=\"wp-image-9940\"\/><\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n\n<p>I wrote furiously and frequently. I listened to nostalgic\nemo-rock on repeat. I cried, and I reminisced, and I became drunk with courage.\nThis thing I had been so ashamed to say out loud, this part of my past that I\nhated and wanted wiped clean from my soul, I was not just ready to share it\nwith a few close confidantes, I was ready to share it with the world. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I was ready to identify myself as a survivor and tell a\nstory that I thought needed to be told because this story belonged to all of\nus. The story of a young, vulnerable, bright-eyed person who was manipulated,\nbetrayed, and hurt by their angry, confused partner. One person who just wanted\nto be loved and so easily ignored the red flags that eventually and\nmethodically grew into volcanoes. That was not just my story, it was her story,\nand their story, and his story, too. I heard it over and over again, I read it\nover and over again, and each word dripped with inspiration and solidarity. And\n<em>Forgiven Are the Starry-Eyed <\/em>was born.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>The book quickly resonated with teens and adults alike, and\nI was flooded with emails from survivors who finally felt seen for the first\ntime. I traveled back to my hometown in Michigan where I spoke to high school\nand college students about relationships, dating violence, and the healing role\nthat writing played for me. And in every interaction, I regained more and more\nof the power that I once thought was lost forever.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I wish I could speak to my 16-year-old self now. I would\ntell her that she is stronger than she knows, that she is full of love and\nvirtue, and that one boy with messy hair and cold, dark eyes could not erase\nthat. And when it was over, I would tell her to shout her story from the\nrooftops, because sinking into the silence that was forced upon her would only\nempower the surrounding darkness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>*Christine is the author of the bestselling YA novel <em>Forgiven\nAre the Starry-Eyed,<\/em> which explores teen dating violence through the eyes\nof one girl&#8217;s volatile, delicate journey. To learn more about her book, <\/strong><a href=\"https:\/\/www.amazon.com\/dp\/1773399489\/\"><strong>click here<\/strong><\/a><strong>.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><em>**If you or someone\nyou know is in an abusive relationship, there is help. You can visit the Break\nthe Silence website at <\/em><a href=\"https:\/\/breakthesilencedv.org\"><em>www.breakthesilencedv.org<\/em><\/a><em>, chat with one of our helpline advocates at\n855-287-1777, or send a private message through our Facebook page.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>========<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>What\u2019s YOUR Raw Truth?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Sharing our stories can be incredibly empowering while also\nhelping others connect with survivors who have similar experiences. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>If you are inspired to share your story with us, <a href=\"https:\/\/breakthesilencedv.org\/break-your-silence\/\">submit here<\/a>. You\ncan choose to remain anonymous.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Written by: Christine Miller It has been years since my abusive relationship ended \u2013 17 years to be exact. I was still a teenager when my high school boyfriend and I officially parted ways as we headed to different colleges. But it was not the storybook young lover saga I had so desperately craved as [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":4,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[6],"tags":[28,161,162,116,75,117,115,36,34],"class_list":["post-9939","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-break-your-silence","tag-advocate","tag-break-the-silence-against-domestic-violence","tag-btsadv","tag-emotional-abuse","tag-healing","tag-physical-abuse","tag-survivor","tag-teen-dating-violence","tag-verbal-abuse"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v27.4 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>Survivor Story: My Experience Surviving Teen Dating Violence Drives Me to Help Others - Break the Silence Against Domestic Violence<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/breakthesilencedv.org\/?p=9939\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Survivor Story: My Experience Surviving Teen Dating Violence Drives Me to Help Others - Break the Silence Against Domestic Violence\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Written by: Christine Miller It has been years since my abusive relationship ended \u2013 17 years to be exact. 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