Survivor Story: I Was Abused Twice

Written by: BTSADV Survivor

I was brought up in a large family. My father was a good dad, but he worked a lot. My mother was not the maternal type, and she was also abusive. We were good kids, and I believe my mother had some mental health issues. We were left on our own much of the time.

An older man took an interest in me and my sister. We spent a lot of time at his house, he took us on holidays, and he even told us he loved us. He sexually abused my sister and me. When my sister came out and said what had been happening to us, our mother did not believe her called her a liar. It was the school counselors that took action. I had a really lonely time during my teenage years, and I struggled with an eating disorder and self-esteem issues.

In my early 20s, I met a young man. He was very loving and kind, and he made me feel like I was loved. He did not have a good upbringing; his mother introduced drugs to him at a young age. I could see the good in him, and I felt like I could change him. He got a good job, and things were going great. We had our first child together.

We moved away for his work, but then things changed. He began to drink a lot and become abusive. I left him and got a protection order for my children and me. Despite this, he also moved back to our hometown, and he breached the protection order many times. He said he just wanted his family again, and he begged me to take him back. He made a promise and made considerable steps to improve himself. He took anger management courses and replaced the alcohol with soda. For several years, he did not touch alcohol. My family and I were very proud of him.

We had more children together, got married, and bought our first family home. Not long after we purchased our house, he changed. He no longer came home after work, and he seemed very agitated. I found out that he was doing meth through a family member, and no matter how much I questioned him about it, he never admitted to it. I believe I was naive not to see the signs.

I left him once and for all. There many more breaches of the protection order and his violence became a lot worse. He was eventually arrested and put back in jail.

While my ex-husband was in jail, I met somebody else who had befriended me. That was the worst mistake in my life. He seemed very nice, and I felt he was going to protect me from my ex-husband. I found out he was a monster who was even more abusive then my ex-husband. He raped me, and I almost lost my children. From this day forward, I will never forget the worst days of my life.

Today, I am living with my children far away from the town that I was brought up in. I have a lot of family support, and I strive to make my children’s lives happy and give them everything that I can. I do believe the way I was raised made me more vulnerable to what happened to me later on in life.


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