Depending on the state, most family law judges are required to consider whether a
parent has committed domestic violence or child abuse. Criminal convictions aren’t
necessarily required. Often, if a judge finds a preponderance of the evidence that a
parent committed domestic abuse, it could affect parenting time and will trigger
limitations on shared decision-making. This is why, as triggering as it may be, we
survivors and victims need to document as many events as possible. Photos and
videos are both permissible in court though you may need to visit the self-help center at
your district courthouse to determine which paperwork needs to be filed with the
evidence. In the courts, domestic violence typically means actual or threatened physical
violence against an intimate partner, property, or pet. This could be a parent who’s
committed domestic violence and cannot share decision-making over the victim’s
objection unless the court finds the parents can still cooperate safely for the other
parent and child. Child abuse includes violence against children who are not the subject
of the custody action in some states. Sexual assault resulting in the conception of the
child can presumably sway judges against joint decision-making. Your first step in filing
for full custody will be to gather the paperwork. You’ll also need the original “Motion for FullCustody” if you’re not filing for divorce
document which could be called a “Motion for Dissolution”. At Break the Silence Against
Domestic Violence, we’d strongly encourage you to complete and file this paperwork
with the self-help law library at your district courthouse. They’ll be able to walk you
through the process and ensure that the correct forms and corresponding evidence is
submitted. If the form numbers (typically located in one of the page corners) are
incorrect, your filing could be discarded by the clerk. You’ll be notified if it does get
discarded but regardless, we’d rather you only do necessary things once. Once your
paperwork is correctly filed, it will be kept by the court until the judge or magistrate
reviews the documentation. Following the review, a court date will likely be set.
This could also be known as the hearing date. This is a hearing where the judge or
magistrate will essentially meet you and the “respondent” (other party). You both will
have time to discuss why you’re filing the documentation and why the respondent may
or may not agree with it. In some states, you might be eligible for a Zoom hearing. This
could be beneficial for you as you’ll not be forced to sit in the same room as the abuser
and helps remove emotional reactions. During hearings, the less emotion the better.
We’re all human so please give yourself some grace. However, you should not be
presenting serious matters while you’re in tears or outwardly angry. It’s best to remain
professional as this is the judge’s or magistrate’s job. They love to hear the evidence
and reason for filing in a direct tone and credible information relayed. This will also help
with future hearings as well. As time goes on and the abuser is in less control over us,
you’ll see them spiraling. Often acting out in public settings, filing nonsense information,
or arguing with your every move. This will seem infuriating initially but eventually; the
judge will start remembering you two as well as the presentation that each party brings.
Once you’ve filed for full custody, the marathon race begins. This will take time and
resources. This will take an emotional toll on you as well. To counteract these things,
you’ll need a strong support system. You’ll need an impenetrable safe space at home or
anywhere you can call home. If you’re located in a shelter, don’t be afraid to call it
home. Wherever you wind up—do your best to no longer allow the emotional turmoil
into your space. Your space is just that. It’s yours. Free from unauthorized stress and
anxiety. A place for you to remain within the race and keep yourself armed with endless
information and resources. by Mikayla
