As we navigate the complexities of co-occurring substance abuse issues or
disorders, I wanted to take a quick moment to note that I am not a mental
health professional or have ever worked in the addiction/recovery field. My
written piece is an account of my own firsthand lived experience through
active addiction and recovery coupled with a mental health disorder;
specifically bipolar disorder. I hope that I inspire others on their journey
and shift the narrative on how we view those who are going through the
challenges of co-occurring substance abuse issues to better support them.
From an early age, I dealt with depression for most of my childhood, and when
I discovered alcohol in my young adulthood, I was propelled into a world of
false relief. Having no healthy coping skills or a baseline of what normalcy
meant, I dived deeper into addiction without even realizing it was a gradual
struggle that ominously took hold of me. For anyone who has experienced or
is currently experiencing addiction, it is unfortunately safe to say that the
myriad of layers of addiction heavily influence many areas of one’s life.
It’s important to highlight that although people can have substance use
disorder and mental health disorder, it does not necessarily mean that one
caused the other. Without delving too deeply into the implications of how they
mesh together, I wanted to make it clear that those struggling with co-
occurring disorders may have challenges that are more unique to them
especially when maneuvering through addiction.
Once I decided to seek help and refuge in sobriety, it felt like a mountainous
task to take on. It wasn’t solely addiction that I needed to address, but my
mental health disorder as well. Reaching out for support was a heavy task to
do when feeling hopeless, lost, and defeated. For me to come to a
place of recovery, I had to learn to understand my behaviors and the hidden
reasons why I drank to cope. Questions needed to be addressed, so I could
better gauge the situation in all of its totality and how to find support needed
to help me through this journey.
The crucial part of getting sober is finding the right support that
aligns with me. This ranges from therapy to treatment (both inpatient and
outpatient rehab) and support groups. I innately knew that I needed to
transition out of the life I was living and plant myself in a new environment,
both physically and mentally. The first step that I took was seeking mental
health services. The toll of past traumas, unhealed wounds, and adversities
that I encountered throughout my life deeply impacted my
mental health. I began seeing a therapist which eventually led to being under
the care of a psychiatrist as well after my first psychotic break, which resulted
in being diagnosed with bipolar disorder.
Therapy gave me the outlet that I needed to process everything that would
help me better cope with life, especially when it came to managing any life
stressors or emotions that may arise that might lead to my default coping
mechanism (alcohol). I discovered new ways to emotionally regulate,
healthier coping skills, reframing negative thoughts, challenging old thoughts
and behaviors and most of all, learning to love and accept myself in the
process. When therapy was not enough, I eventually made the bold choice to
add inpatient treatment into the mix. Although therapy was a rough start in
the beginning because I did not view my drinking as part of the problem, I
soon realized that I needed help as my life fell apart and became
unmanageable.
After losing everything – from custody of my children, jobs, stable housing,
relationships, my sense of self, and my will to live; I knew I needed to make a
drastic change. The thing about recovery is letting go. Letting go was the
hardest part. Whatever your drug of choice is, you’ve probably spent a
substantial amount of time in addiction. Stopping the use of drugs or alcohol
feels like the break-up of a tumultuous relationship. You know you need to
leave this “lover”, but you are so wrapped in the comfort of it even though it’s
slowly killing you. It feels almost impossible at first. There is grieving
involved. The way that I “broke up” with alcohol was to give inpatient
treatment (drug and alcohol rehab) a chance.
Treatment, just like therapy, is an arduous task within itself. Finding the right
facility that will offer you the right support is detrimental to how it will help
you. I found myself cycling through numerous treatment facilities throughout
the journey of my recovery. I realized that recovery was not a linear process. I
thought that once I did A, I would get to B. I had my fair share of relapses in
between each moment of treatment. I learned that I also had to do my part
and be an active member in recovery by putting forth the effort needed to
ensure that I was successful in attaining sobriety. While in treatment, it is also
significant to surround myself with like-minded women who want recovery
with the same tenacity as I did. Not everyone in treatment wants recovery
(that is a whole other story!)
What is central to recovery is having support outside of therapy if you choose
to go this route after leaving treatment. I had to completely change my life
and allow things that supported my recovery and purpose. This meant
changing environments, ending friendships that were not conducive to my
recovery and/or impacted my mental health negatively, and also operating life
in a way that allowed me to process things as they came. I found solace in
support groups, creating a strong sober network through new friendships,
and most of all working diligently every day to maintain recovery.
One has to be truly mindful of how to move forward from addiction – from
managing mental health symptoms to what you fill your life with during
sobriety. I found that recovery is not an undertaking to take alone and that
support is needed in place to ensure a healthy, purposeful, and loving journey.
The substance is not the problem, it is only the symptom of the problem. One
has to find the reasons why they are choosing to use, address the underlying
needs behind behaviors, let go and begin healing. Remember that healing
is not a destination, but a lifelong journey of blooming.
Lastly, co-occurring disorders may feel burdensome or difficult and present
unwieldy challenges. When faced with the choice to bring your life to
fruition, there will be a sense of loss as you let go of addiction as welcome
a new life that you never thought possible. One of the biggest alterations in
recovery is how exorbitant the positive difference in your mental health
and life will be. One small step in the right direction can be the biggest leap
you take. By Sammie R
