May 10th 2020

I never knew that being in an abusive relationship did not have to consist of physical abuse. Therefore, I stayed in a toxic relationship for about 7 years. My dignity, self worth as a woman, and happiness were at the hands of this man who claimed to love me and called me his queen. He belittled, humiliated, and made me feel worthless. I felt that I didn’t deserved to be loved. He said I was too emotional and mimicked me when I cried. He even mentioned once that he would never hit a woman but would get his sister to “kick your ass”. Multiple times he stated that his dad taught him to never hit a woman…he forgot about respect and how to appreciate a woman. I would of done anything for him but two years ago I opened my eyes and made a plan to leave him…2 months later I executed that plan and finally left. Yes, I went back but never to live with him again because finally I saw my self worth and eventually cut all ties. He left scars too deep to heal as I grieved the end of the relationship and I questioned myself, I sometimes felt that I was the one at fault. Now every time I remember the relationship, I only recall the unpleasant times. It’s rare when I remember the few good times. Those extremely bad memories appear out of nowhere but have kept me strong and have helped me to heal. I never want to place myself in that position ever again. I felt that I needed to break the silence because sometimes words hurt so much, but there is hope. Definitely the support from my mom and friends helped me get through this. Again, I always thought that an abusive relationship involved physical abuse. Even when I talked to a friend who provided domestic violence workshops and told me I was in an abusive relationship, I didn’t believe her. I didn’t know any better and recently I started looking into it and realize that she was right. It took me two years to accept it, but I’m in a better place.