How it felt to be abused.

Trapped, lonely, and no hope to escape..in my darkest moments I felt nothingness and empty. I questioned the point of living. It was a pitch black emptiness to my core.. I accepted that I would forever be abused and feel so much pain from the person I loved..He had belittled me, taken my self worth, and hurt me so dearly over the years I’d realized I was reacting so out of my normal self. I rarely reacted violently, but then I began to feel too much fear to react at all. I knew the physical violence was becoming so much more intense over the years, I couldn’t get away with defending myself anymore.. I accepted the physical abuse and would just cry and beg for it to stop.

Gaslighting me until I felt like I couldn’t even trust myself into believing the reality of the abuse being so bad, telling me it’s all my fault. The emotional abuse was worse than the physical abuse because I was so convinced being physically abused by strangulation, slapping, pushing, hitting, throwing objects at me, intimidating me by breaking everything in front of me wasn’t “so bad”..I was convinced he would be able to take my daughter from me, he always told me I was crazy and if he ever left, he’d take my daughter.
I am still so hurt over how many things of mine he broke.. he knew it hurt me so much to break the home I loved into pieces..

I left with a protective order and never looked back. I wanted a chance to raise my baby peacefully, and safely. I’m still fighting to.

 
Notice: The names in this story are fictitious to protect the request for anonymity.