In January of 2019 my ex husband, my abuser, tried to end my life while I was holding my two year old son. This was the seventh time I had left him. I was trying to be cordial and let him have visits with my son but would not let him have unsupervised visits because I knew he would take my son and run with him, he had done it before. Only way I got him back was him being served with an order of protection that included my child. I was with him for seven years and at first it was just controlling me and my money then it became mentally abusive then when I became pregnant it became physical as well as sexually abusive. I would cover up every mark and make excuses for every bruise. He would rape me in front of my baby and when my son would cry he would tell my son it’s ok you can cry just like your mommy. Just yesterday I found out the judge vacated my order of protection because my abuser hasn’t violated it in three years. But in March this same judge granted me a permanent order of protection knowing the exact same things we presented in court at the motion to dismiss hearing. Since leaving my abuser I have married my best friend and just yesterday I graduated as a registered nurse. My children and my wife were on the stage pinning me. It was very hard to leave which is why it took seven times to leave. Every time I went back it was because he was trying to kill himself and I couldn’t bear the weight of feeling like it was my fault. The last time I went back was because the judge was going to give him unsupervised visitation and I knew if that happened he would disappear with my son. The only way I knew how to protect him was put myself in danger and never allow him to be alone with my son ever. This time I fought with every ounce in me to make sure he would never be allowed to get my son. I filed for divorce, he never showed up, I got full custody of my son with no visitations. I’m happy to say my son is not six years old and he is a happy, smart, energetic little boy. We suffer from PTSD but we see counselors and they have helped up get through our dark days. My family knows how to help when they see us having an attack from the PTSD and they always strive to keep us safe.