In November 2020, only a few months after leaving the abusive relationship, I drove to Ocala, Florida, for the movie’s drive-in theater premiere. I watched it again this year at a movie screening event sponsored by the Domestic Violence Coordinating Council in my community where I serve as an advocate and volunteer. Each time I watched this film, I came away with the same impression: it accurately captures the complexity connected to relationships with domestic violence.
A pastor’s wife, Elizabeth Jeffries and the spouse of a police officer, Tanya Anderson play the primary roles in the movie. Elizabeth tries to help Tanya escape the day-to-day realities of a life characterized by domestic violence. Although Elizabeth is experiencing abuse, at times it seems as if she is not aware that she too is personally affected by domestic violence. So, throughout the movie focuses on helping Tanya but does not use the same knowledge and tools she possesses to free herself from the abuse she is facing. Like many people, she may feel that absence of physical violence means an absence of abuse.
After watching the movie, one thing is clear, while Elizabeth and Tanya each have different experiences with domestic violence, both women are mistreated on a regular basis. I’ll explain some of the themes addressed in the movie as they pertain to domestic abuse.
The abuser may appear to be a “nice guy” in public.
As shown in this movie, the abuser may seem like a nice person to others. In this movie, Elizabeth’s husband, Pastor Michael Jeffries is charming, charismatic, and kind to people he encounters in public. He is regularly seen providing encouragement to others and making people laugh. He saves the belittling behavior and put downs for his wife Elizabeth at home behind closed doors.
Survivor’s may hide the abuse.
Shame and fear may cause survivors to hide the abuse. During several scenes in this movie, Tanya can be seen wearing sunglasses and heavy makeup to disguise bruises and black eyes. When asked about the injuries to her face she dismisses them as nothing serious or no big deal.
Domestic violence is not limited to physical abuse.
In this movie, Michael Jeffries is emotionally, verbally, and sexually abusive to his wife Elizabeth. A memorable scene from the movie is him throwing a plate of food she cooked to the floor while complaining it wasn’t good enough to eat. This movie reminds viewers that abuse is still abuse even if the abuser never uses physical violence. Furthermore, verbal abuse is still abuse and damaging property is still abusive!
Abusers are sometimes protected by others, so they don’t suffer the consequences of their actions.
Tanya’s husband, Derrick Anderson is a law enforcement officer which makes it difficult to report her husband’s abuse. In one scene, law enforcement was called by a neighbor and when the Derrick’s colleagues arrived on the scene, the abusive episode was dismissed as a typical fight between a husband and wife.
Children are aware of the abuse.
In one scene, Tanya and Derrick’s daughter uses her barbie dolls to act out an abusive episode between her mother and father. Her friend looks confused as she watches her friend pretend the male doll is yelling at and abusing the female doll. In another scene, Tanya and Derrick’s daughter is shown hiding under the covers in her room while an abusive episode occurs in another room. The child’s behavior shows that she is aware of the abuse.
Abuse occurs on a cycle with highs and lows.
The cycle of abuse is shown continuously throughout Derrick and Tanya’s relationship. In between episodes of abuse there are scenes where he buys her jewelry, flowers, and takes her out to fancy meals. Just like in real life these “good times” never last long. The abuse slowly creeps back in until another violent, abusive episode occurs.
Abuse escalates over time.
Identical to what happens in real life, the abusive episodes shown in the movie increase in severity as the movie continues. The initial abuse shown consists of verbal and emotional abuse. Later in the movie physical violence and destroying property is shown. At one point there is a scene where Derrick holds a gun to Tanya’s head. The reality shown in this movie and echoed in real life is that abuse can be dangerous and potentially deadly.
As a survivor of domestic violence, I found that this movie provides a powerful depiction of domestic violence in its many forms. While watching the movie there were moments when I had to turn away. Certain scenes made me relive moments from the past abuse I experienced.
I hope that reading this review will encourage you to watch this film to learn the story line that goes along with some of the themes I just presented. If you are a survivor of abuse, you will be able to personally connect with the themes presented. If you are an advocate or supporter of survivors, you will see examples of how domestic violence plays out in day-to-day life.
This movie is appropriately named No Ordinary Love and as a viewer it may make you wonder What’s Love Got to Do with It.
