I would have never thought that the man I married and loved would abuse me. It is not okay to be emotionally, mentally and phyiscally abused
When I got married everything was beautiful and we had a son who we both loved. Six years into the marriage my husband, who I swore to love through death do us part changed.
He calling me names and emotonally abusing me. At times I would come in from work and he would start just so the neighbors would think it was me who was always arguing. The turn of events turned worse when he began getting physical and mentally abusive. Name calling, gas lighting feeling lilke he was bigger than life and I had no options but to take what he was dishing out to me. I cried so much … For 10 years I took that abuse because he was brainwashing my son against me. I remember him waking me up one night for money I didnt have and when i refised hit me with the beak of a baseball cap and broke my finger…
I remember how badly I was treated and when it came close to my payday he would snap back like he loved me.. Like he was a perfect husband. I remember joining a church to get some peace and while praying on my knees him kicking me. He told my son that I was going to worship the deveil and for many years my son would not go to church with me. One night he slapped me , hitting my head against a window and breaking the lamp in my bedroom. At that point I had had enough.. i chose to go and file an order of protection to remove him from the household. My only problem was I told him what I was going to do. He went to the courts and told them I was harrasssing HIM!! They gave him the order of protection a day before I got mine because I had a conference to go to.
Before i knew this, I went downstairs to get a police officer to serve him and he goes in the back and brings out HIS order. My order was full stay away. He was very debonair with the lady officers and I was removed from my home right before i was supposed to take my son to school which Idid everyday.
I remember I couldnt go in my house and stayed at a friends house and HE called me and said he was going to set the h ouse on fire if I did not come home. i called the fire dept who went to the house and called me saying everything was okay. He begged me to come back but I was under His OOP and did not go. He came over to my girfriends house with my son and tried to pull me out of the house but their friend protected me . It was heartbreaking for my son to watch this and all the police that i had to call over the years
I remember at my sisters wedding (I was in the wedding party) how he constantly kept degrading me saying I was the uglilest one there, that i looked like a “ho” and made me cry yet again. I was barely in any of the wedding party pictures because he kept pulling me away. One night when he hit and slapped me , my next door neighbor came over… it was about 2am in the morning and I told her that he was beating on me, but he already had her turned against me because of the things he used to do when I came home from work (making it seem I was the agressor)
It became so much I started googling and looking up signs of abuse.. I was reading on narcissist behavior and he was textbook..
I spent years of this and became so sensitive and damaged that I thought I was losing my mind.. Thank God for my friends or else I would not have been able to endure.
I remember fighting for my son in court after the OOP was served.. The law guardian specifically told the Judge, “dont you see he is intimidating this woman in front of you?” The judge did nothing and proceeded to let my son go home with this man. The abuse was never against my son, only me.
I felt like there was no one to help me. I spent years of abuse and felt I couldnt get out because my son needed his family to be together. But I asked myself if I could continue to endure because it was taking a toll on my health (because of the stress, I had gotten an ulcer). I remember how good I was to him and he treated me this way. I remember the time when I took my son for an evaluation because he was so withdrawn with evverything going on (watching me cry, him telling my son very vulgar things about me, cops coming to the house frequently).. I found out my son was in the Autism Spectrum and when I came home and told him, he picked up my dryer and threw it.. He always had to have things perfect.. On the outside he was a dapper dresser and had a way with the ladies (he told me his girlfriend had a bigger @$$ than mine and other degrading things) I was so in the gutter mentally emotionally and once financially where he would not let me eat his food he shopped for (because I quit my job and could no longer work becasue the abuse became to much.. .Absenteeism, latenesses), i had to apply for food stamps . Yes, as much as I took care of my family he did this to me.
I wound up fed up one day after he hit me one night and said to myself this man is too cunning and he also had police officer friends so it was a no win situation. I decided to call Safe Horizon in NY to find a safe haven. I was emotionally and mentally wrecked. My son was 11 at the time and refused to come with me (brainwashing at an early age for years). I begged him come and we can start new. He refused to leave his room because he was comfortable in in (children in the spectrum are used to their own enviornment which makes them comfortable) As he slept, I packed my things and left… i came back to get more clothes and attempted to take my son but he would not budge. He wanted to stay in his room and his house.
I got to a DV shelter and i was a wreck when I got there. Depression, anxiety not to mention the endless nights of crying because my son was not with me. This did everything he could to try and ruin me, spitting in my face, degrading me, slapping and puching me.. Calling Safe Horizon was the best thing I ever did to save myself.. None of the abuse was against my son. Only me. it was an awful experience I wouldnt wish on anyone.
I was so emotionally and mentally wrecked and vulnerable. There is so much more to this story, the moral is that I got out with my life. i’ve always and still have to do damage conrol with my son who is now 29 years old. Because he was brainwashed young, and loved his father, he was vulnerable to believe all the things he said. I am still doing damage control to this day.
i thank God for places like Safe Horizon in NY. They saved my life and i am ever so grateful.. I started a beauty business based on Domestic Violence. I vowed I would never ever let a woman going through or surviving DV feel like crap and not feel beautiful and loved and valued again. There are so many of us and I am glad BTSADV has this non profit for survivors becasue nobody can ever understand unless they have survived this atrocity.
