Confronting Childhood Trauma: My Struggle with Stepfather Abuse

I believe my step father abused me. My mom married him when I was 6 years old and 16 years later they have my 2 siblings also. It was a combination of physical and mental. Sometimes in the early parts of their marriage he’d beat me and put me in the corner if I woke him up from his nap. This honestly wasn’t that bad compared to some of the other stuff that would happen later. Before i get to the future there was also a time i accidentally got ketchup on him and he slapped me in the face at the food court in the mall. This hurt me a lot not cause of the pain but because of the way the people looked at me. As an adult now I can’t really describe it but it did something to me mentally. As a child I was homeschooled and got to a point were my mom couldn’t teach me math anymore so he had to. If I missed 2 or more problems and he thought I wasn’t getting something he’d beat me. It got so bad one time he slammed me in the head with the solid textbook. I would try talking to my mom that I didn’t like the way I was treated and she always had an excuse. Like she didn’t care or like she had other needs that needed to be met and my pain wasn’t going to change that. As an adult now she tells me what happened is between me and him and that I need to talk to him if I have a problem. Truth be told I despise my mother. I truly think there is something corrupt and wrong with her. My biological father put hands on her and I know that was a sign she wouldn’t have good taste in men, but I always thought it was a mothers duty to protect her child. As I get older i realize the world doesn’t work the way we think it does. I’m not here to complain but I can’t take this pain anymore. My own flesh against me. She came to visit me with my two siblings and something came up about the way he used to treat me but she didn’t say a word when i told my brother. I realize now she’ll never see why my treatment was wrong. I thought about jumping out the car while she was driving an i had really heavy images of shooting myself in the head. I don’t have too many friends and most people have their own shit going on. Ive been going to therapy for about 6 months now but idk where to put this pain. Her and my aunts that I believe she manipulated the story to keep telling me i need to talk to him but idk why. I just needed to let this out. Thank you to anyone that will hear my story.