By Survivor Maria
**The following is written by a survivor of domestic violence and a violent abuser. Names have been changed to protect all involved.**
Breaking My Silence
I am writing today to explain my story, to break the silence of silent victims. To encourage others to find their voice.
The first time I experienced domestic violence was in October of 2023. It was on going for 6 months straight, I never thought I would go through something so brutal in my life.
I am 21 years old turning 22, and a single mummy to a beautiful baby boy. The first time this happened to me I was in utter shock.
Disbelief that this has happened, but I brushed it off my shoulder thinking it would never happen again. It started off with a small slap to my face, then over time it began to grow into something more bigger and stronger.
“I was defenseless.”
I didn’t know how to speak for help when the second and the third time I got punched. He would then grab me and hug me, kiss me, cuddle me, acting like nothing had happened.
And I thought it was over.
With just a comfort from my abuser I thought he would never do it again, but I was wrong. He then began to take over my life.
Sold my only phone I had to contact my family, made me use a Nokia brick phone for months. Deprived me of food. I would only eat maybe once or twice every week.
Locked in apartments, away from the world, my abuser wouldn’t allow me to shower. Or to even cut my hair. He even would not allow me to wear makeup.
Trapped by My Abuser
Every time we went out he would have me walking behind him with my hood up a jacket her provided me as he wouldn’t allow me to wear my own clothes. He would always buy the same food for me: a pizza.
I would only take a slice or two and stay hungry through out the night and day. There were times I would go hungry for days thinking, “When will I get my next meal?”
He would always tell me I ruined his life, but the next day he would tell me how much he loved me, how perfect I was to him, and I believed it.
My abuser was always persistent in getting me financially alone. Taking away my privileges of having my own money, getting my own clothes, or getting whatever I wanted to eat.
It was always what he wanted, what he wanted to eat. I was utterly alone.
“That was when I fell pregnant.”
In November the abuse started to get more severe. Punches to my belly, punches to my head constantly. Being scared and bruised on a daily.
When my family started to bring me food to the apartment, because I requested it from them, as I missed home dearly, he would go out instead of me going to meet my family. Then he would have give me a black eye the following days.
He would make me pronounce myself as homeless and force me to sleep in hostels pregnant. I was vulnerable with no money, or a phone so he could stay in warm apartments and stay with other girls.
But one night something switched inside me and that is when I began to think twice about my relationship with him. About how I can be a better mother to my unborn baby.
Reality clicked into my eyes and I realized this isn’t love.
“It’s abuse.”
It’s not real. Maybe I was living a bad dream? But I couldn’t because it is REALLY happening. I had to make it stop. I had to stop this once and for all before it’s too late. For my son. I had to stop this.
He would make me stay locked in bathroom, even sleep in bathrooms with one pillow and a duvet.
while he partied inside rooms with his friends. Some days I had to drink from the bathroom tap water in order to keep myself hydrated.
I would have never thought my abuser and my abuse would get this bad. I lost so much weight due to the neglect.
He would spit on me, punch me, stamp on me, even forced me to have an abortion. Then he would make me stay out in freezing temperatures till the next day on the streets. When I was unable to speak properly on the phone with customer services out of fear, I would get a punch or spoke with neglect because I stuttered or ended the phone too early.
Finally, Contacting My Family
It was then in march of 2024 he eventually gave me my own mobile phone, an iPhone 7 I was able to contact my family. I was able to explain how terrified I am, how scared I am now. That I need help because he put a knife, pointed a gas gun to my head, to me poked me with a knife while I was carrying my baby.
I needed to break the silence.
I needed to ask for help. So I did. The following night he force fed me hot chicken and forced me to eat the bones within the chicken. If I never ate the whole plate he threatened to take my life. I had no choice.
One day when he was out with his friends I hesitated but I made that call.
“The following day police officers had entered the room and arrested him.”
I attended court recently and he had pled guilty.
However, my abuser only got 25 months.
The justice system had broken me down.
However I will never allow someone to hurt me like that ever again. To humiliate me in the worst possible ways ever. I stood in court and raised my voice, found my voice again. Being able to read out my statement and being able to speak freely without getting punched or kicked.
I finally broke that silence not just for me. But for my little boy.
“Justice WILL be served.”
And I will never lose hope. Here I am, I will always speak my story to help those who are struggling to find their voice in and out of this. I will never forget how I was treated, how someone who claimed they loved me put me in a situation where it was life, or death.
It is never too late to speak out.
Do not be afraid or discouraged, you deserve better, you deserve to be treated fairly. One phone call will make the biggest difference and impact ever.
YOU have a VOICE.
Check These Resources:
- Complete Guide to Mindful Meditation, and Emotional Healing.
- The Hidden Impact of Teen Dating Violence
- Find Support with BTSADV
Support Line
Other Resources and Information:
