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But It’s Not Abuse: Leaving an Unhealthy Relationship

By Jamey Sheesley

Many times, we hear about abusive relationships and how horrible they truly are, but there are also unhealthy relationships. Unhealthy relationships do not have to be abusive, but there are many reasons why you should still leave a bad relationship. Everyone deserves to be in a healthy and happy relationship, which is why you should not waste any more time on that toxic relationship.

How do you know if you are in an unhealthy relationship? According to Psychology Today, these are some examples of an unhealthy relationship:

  • Your partner always finds ways to cut you down and make you feel insecure about yourself.
  • Your partner always threatens to break up with you, giving you a sense there is no relationship security.
  • Your partner is not interested in your success and may actually cut you down instead of celebrating you.
  • Your partner ignores you and makes you feel alone when you are with them.
  • Your partner treats you as out of sight, out of mind when they are not physically with you.

Unhealthy relationships can make you feel like you are walking on eggshells all the time. If you have a partner who is constantly threatening to leave the relationship, then you do not need to be with that person. Someone who truly loves you will work out disagreements with you instead of blaming you. They will not make comments about leaving you for someone better. If your partner is constantly cutting you down after you got a promotion at work or had an amazing job interview, then they are toxic and is time to leave them behind. They always have something negative to say about you and you do not deserve that. Someone who loves you would celebrate your success and make you feel on top of the world.

Bad communication is also predominate in toxic relationships. If you have an issue with your partner, you should be able to get it out in the open, talk to them about it, and get it resolved. If your significant other does not respect what you have to say do not waste any more time on them. Your wishes in a relationship are important and your feelings are equally as important.

Stop wasting time on the person that makes you feel like a worse version of yourself every day. You are a wonderful person and you deserve respect. So this brings up the question, how do you leave that unhealthy relationship?

According to One Love, there are several things you can do when trying to leave a bad relationship. You can buy a journal and write down how this relationship makes you feel. This is to remind you when you second-guess leaving. Re-read your journal and do not forget how bad this partner makes you feel. Do not blow off your feelings. You have every right to feel upset because they are treating you bad.

Do not rationalize your significant other’s bad behavior by saying things like, “Oh they are only having a bad day; they did not mean to make me cry.” These type of excuses are not okay, especially if they happen more often than not. Also, do not feel responsible for their bad behavior. Your partner and only they control how they act. Do not let them trick you or gaslight you into thinking it is you or something you did.

Absolutely do not accept bad relationship advice. Be careful whom you accept advice from; some people do not understand what you are truly going through. They could also be lonely and will tell you at least you have someone. Do not accept that as a reason to stay. It is hard to leave a toxic relationship because the toxic person has already made you feel insecure about yourself and your decisions.

You need to reconnect with friends and family who can truly understand the dilemma you are experiencing. Explain to them what is happening and why you are feeling upset and confused. These people can help remind you of the good old times and help you to break away from your toxic relationship. They can help you stay strong and not second-guess ending a toxic relationship.

Remind yourself on a daily basis that you are important and that you deserve to be in a relationship where you feel comfortable, a relationship where you feel like your opinions and wishes matter. Here are some examples of a healthy relationship:

  • Your partner makes you feel comfortable and does not judge you for being yourself.
  • Your partner makes you feel secure in the relationship, you do not feel like they are just going to up and leave you at the drop of the hat.
  • Your partner celebrates you and your successes.  
  • Your partner never makes you feel like you are alone even they are not physically with you.
  • Your partner respects you and your wishes at all times.

It is tough to leave relationships. Toxic relationships are even tougher to leave. Your partner has made sure to cut your confidence down and to make you doubt everything you do, including leaving that relationship. Have the courage to get away from them because you deserve to be happy. You deserve to be in a healthy relationship with someone who truly cares. So walk away and do not look back. You only have one life, do not waste it with someone who does not truly care about you.

Make sure to take time for self-love before entering a new relationship. After being with a toxic person, you need time to recover. You need time to learn to love yourself again, that way you will be open to loving someone else. Take some time to reconnect with yourself and learn what you like and do not like, that way when you are searching for love again you will know exactly what you want.

If you or someone you know is in an abusive relationship, there is help. You can visit the Break the Silence website at www.breakthesilencedv.org or chat with one of our helpline advocates at 855-287-1777.

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