I DIDN’T REALIZE I WAS IN AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP UNTIL I GOT OUT. ENOUGH IS ENOUGH.
I was with my now EX PARTNER for 6 years. Everything was great the first few months , then i found out he was cheating with his ex at that time. I decided to walk away. He begged and cried and made it clear he was sorry for cheating and got away from his ex and only communicated with her for his kids. After I forgave him we moved in together and he will no come home at time and when he would come home he will say I was crazy, he will scream at me at first, then as the months passed he started to cheat with different woman and his verbal, emotional and metal abuse started to get out of hand – he would call me the most horrible names and made me feel i wasn’t worth anything as i woman. He will use personal stuff i trusted him with against me ( ex. i was abuse when i was 7 years old, and he will say things like ” your a slut, that’s why you will let man touch you when your were little” very hurtful stuff. I tried to leave and he will come to my job and parents house crying , he will stay hours out side my home and swore he loved my son and I , so I forgave him for all and agree he will take therapy .. A few month went by he prohibited me to work out, go out with friend , to see some of my family. remove my social media and cut down my cell usage. He will say all my friends were bad and wanted us to break up . I will just go from work, to pickup my son and home . But he was allowed to come go out with friend , at times he will lie and say ” I have to go far away during the weekend ” just so he can have a single weekend with friends and girls . He will go out with his kids and didn’t allow my son or I to be around them. I started to question him and tell him i couldn’t deal with the jealousy, insults, verbal and emotional abuse. One night to make up for everything he took me out on a date – it was a karaoke bar – he went up to the stage to sing , as he was singing 2 guys at the bar approach me just to ask if the seats next to me were busy and if they can sit there. I told the guys ” No , go ahead” . Those were the only words we interacted. My partner got off the stage he walked passed me and saw him rush outside the bar. Of course i followed him and asked him ” Hey , what is wrong, are you okay? are you drunk ?” he responded with ” You are bitch, a slut and etc – you were flirting with those guys , go with them ” and that was the first time i experience something i never had before . As we walked to the car he pushed me down to the ground, i was on my knees and use my 2 hands to pick my self up and as i was getting up he Kicked me in the face. I started to bleed and i freaked out he had busted my nose, lips and eye. He carried me to the car and told me to go to sleep. As we got home he cried next to me and he apologized and he kissed me and told ” tell me you forgive me, kiss me , touch me” so we had sex that night .. This turned into a pattern , he got comfortable hit me and every time he would do it he will apologize by pushing me to have sex with him even if i didn’t want to . i had to do it so he wouldn’t feel bad. As years pass , it all became a routing , hitting me for anything he dislike or if he reached a level of anger i knew to shut up, cheating got out of hand , verbal abuse , mental abuse. I started to believe it was all my fault . Hi mother , father, sisters and brother will help him with all his toxic ways. They will try to tell me is because ” you get him mad” , ” don’t push him to do stuff like that” ” something is wrong with you my son/ brother wasn’t like that , you are toxic you bring the worst out of him” . Eventually his family will say i was no good for him as i was the bad one. They eventually will help him hide girls he will be cheating with. I never realized how bad i was in it and that i was in an abusive relation ship because to me it all seem normal and part of the routine.( and big factor i didn’t mention: I supported the house, paid the bills, my son, his kids, helped his mother. payed the cars and etc. I was the bread winner , he never had money no matter how much he claimed to work ) . Leading up to our final moments. – One night he refused to take me to a concert we planned to go see. He said he had to work late. But after 6:00 pm he stop answering my calls – eventually at 4 am – someone text me from his phone saying ” Hello this is his wife and I am 3 months pregnant”. My heart dropped but i kept calm . A few hours later that day around 9:00 am girl called my phone and told me she married my then partner a few months ago and that she was pregnant. I tried calling him to confront him . He didn’t come home and blocked me . As i was getting ready to leave out home he shows up a week after and tells me how sorry he was it was a mistake, that he will divorce her and will just help her with the baby. Turns out he Married her December 28, 2018 and we left to our trip December 29, 2018 now a lot of things made sence on why he will get lost the day before our vacations and etc. He had proposed to me May 19 ,2018 in front of a lot of people. But it was all a joke of his. His family knew about all this. He begged again and swore he will change . I forgave him – but as time passed he continue to cheat , insult me and etc. So i decided to walk away and not look back. He was left ” devastated” he cried cried , looked for me , promised the world again , and with all the pain in my heart and took all the strength in me to keep firm and walk away from what was damaging me, after 6 year i decided to say no more, open my eyes and walk away. Now He hates me and sends me picture of his new GF , to me ” she is just another girl “, close friend ask me : hey are you still with ****** and I reply with a happy “No” and all i hear is ” Great, he was an asshole , glad your back and doing better, he is parading himself with a new Girl in social media” and all i say now i goods for him, hope he is happy and finds true love, happiness and may god forgive him , i forgave him and now in the process of forgetting him. Now i am working on forgiving my self and building that strong, adventurer, fit, hard working, happy ,, silly, loving woman I was once. I chose to let go of being depress, sad, mad, distant, lost and dark. I must say it is very hard but when i think of giving up to my old ways I think and appreciate the PEACE OF MIND AND SOUL I HAVE. I WOULDN’T TRADE THIS PEACE IN MY MIND AND HEART. Abuse is not just physical, it is also , verbal, sexual, mental, emotional and life consuming. At times we don’t realize how bad it is and we don’t realize or admit to our selves how bad the relationship was until we take the blindfold off and open our eyes.
There is much more to say , but this is my brief story .. I had to share it – this is one of my steps – getting what i lived out of my chest.
