My Story – Melissa

It all started with a fairly innocent search for a movie buddy. I had moved out to a new area and didn’t have many friends out there and since I lived across the street from the movie theatre, I figured that would be the perfect place and it was a public place so that made me feel safer. From the start he appeared to be a complete gentleman, respectful, and introverted like me. Our friendship had blossomed to more by winter and I was totally enamored with him. I spent all my free time with him, he worked remotely so he could work from my place and was there often. I cancelled plans with friends for him, and I thought that I had finally met The One. The following spring I found out that I was pregnant and that’s where things got rocky. He told me that he was married and demanded that I get an abortion. He offered to get me an apartment in a nicer area if I would get an abortion. I accepted his offer, knowing full well that I had no intention of getting an abortion. I was able to hide my continuing pregnancy until I was 5 months along when my belly was too obvious to hide. He went silent and disappeared for a while but he came back, to tell me that he was willing to be a father and raise this baby with me, only to tell me that he had decided to work things out with his wife. He flip flopped again and told me that he changed his mind and wanted to be with me. I wish I had just gave up on him then.

Instead our baby was born and he was still indecisive between wanting to be with our new baby daughter and wanting to get back with his wife. When our daughter was 2 months old he left, saying that he didn’t want to be a father. He came back again once the pandemic hit and suddenly wanted our daughter and I to move in with him. I was excited, thinking that maybe he’d finally come around. The first night that we’d moved in with him, it was like someone had flipped a switch. Our daughter had colic and he screamed at and called me hurtful names because I couldn’t get her quiet. Afterwards I went to the basement to calm myself, wondering what I’d gotten myself into. The next day he apologized, blaming stress from work and bought me an expensive seafood dinner to make up for it. But this became a continued pattern with him. He’d find something to nitpick like if he thought that I loaded the dishwasher the wrong way, added too much or not enough spice, cut the onions too big, etc. It would turn into this daily yelling and cussing tirade of insults from him. He suffered a heart attack around this time on our kitchen floor and I saved his life. When he called me from the hospital that night, he thanked me and I thought that he would treat me better now. He didn’t. Things only got worse and the pandemic made me feel even more isolated and alone. I tried telling my family about him but nobody believed me because the handful of times my family had met him, he seemed like such a nice guy. Little did they know that while he was kind and loving towards me in front of people, he was a monster to me at home, behind closed doors. I managed to get pregnant again while on the birth control pill. Meanwhile we lost our rental house and had to move 2 hours away to a rural property that he owned. I didn’t realize I was pregnant until I was almost 5 months along because I had monthly bleeding. We came into town for my oldest daughter’s(not his) birthday party at a restaurant and that’s when my family got a taste of how he really is. He blew up at and berated me for something that was beyond my control, in front of everyone while at the restaurant, grabbed my arm, and demanded that I go out to the truck because we were leaving, now. Instead I went to the women’s bathroom and when my female relatives came in there I told them about what I’d been going through. Everyone agreed that he had overreacted but still, no one seemed to understand how miserable I was. After a particularly nasty fight while 7 months pregnant, and he had left, I contacted a domestic violence shelter. They didn’t have space. I felt defeated. I ended up giving birth to our 2nd daughter and was unhappy. I put the kids in the stroller and went for a walk with the intention of calling the shelter again, to see if they had availability. They didn’t and I cried on the phone to them, until I noticed him following me in his truck. I felt hopeless. I felt so much anger towards him and wanted nothing to do with him but he would wake me up in the middle of the night to scream and berate me some more or demand sex.

Just when I thought that it couldn’t get any worse, I found out that I was again pregnant, only 2 months after having given birth. That pregnancy was especially hard on me with unrelenting morning sickness from morning to night. I took an early gender blood test and found out that this baby was a boy. He screamed at me and wanted to know why I’d do this to him, by having a boy because it meant we’d need a bigger house now, as if I had control over baby gender. I developed a pregnancy complication called subchorionic hematoma at 10 weeks pregnant. I was told to take it easy and I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. I had two babies at home and did all child-raising, cooking, cleaning, and had a terrible boyfriend at home. I couldn’t “take it easy” or rest. At 14 weeks I started hemorrhaging and it took him 2 hours to take me to the hospital. I had a miscarriage and laid there, alone in the hospital, half hoping that God would take me too so that I wouldn’t have to live in misery with this monster of a man anymore. On the other hand I didn’t want to leave behind my two babies with him. When I returned home from the hospital after surgery, he treated me so callously, mocking me for crying, and yelling at me for the dishes and housework being piled up for the 2 days that I’d been in the hospital. I had hit my breaking point. A month and a half later, I took the kids and some of our belongings and moved out. The shelters everywhere were still full. I had to live in hotels but it was better than living with him. I have my own apartment now and it’s such a relief to no longer deal with walking on eggshells and being screamed at and verbally and mentally abused every day. I am free!

My Story – Stacey

I have been a victim to emotional abuse. My neighbour has been relentless it started as friends. I thought Stuart was my friend. He would want to spend all his time with me. It got to a point where I couldn’t take him coming round any more. He would want to spend every second of the day. I had no time to myself he would say I am locking you in for safety reasons. Then when it come to night time where I want to go home next door to go home. He would tell me its best to stay with him have cuddles he loves me in a different way. I got to a point where I felt trapped. He would say let’s go to bed he would tell me to come to bed almost He would lock me in his flat. He went mad threatening police and threatening me he was on liecnce he has isolated me beaten me up was racially abusive to me. He continued to harass me. Make me feel scared to go out. I plucked up the courage to ring the police je went to jail. And now he is out of jail he told me the day he got out of jail that he is not mad for me sending him to jail. He made me think everything was alright. But it was so far from alright. He is brokwn into my home swapped my keys so he could hurt me and my puppies further. Evey time i go out aand i come back to my flat mt wjndoew is broken and he is telling i am going crazy its all in my head its my mental health. So i thought i am overthinking things. Its been 2 months and now I realise it has been him reporting me to the council it was him that reported me to the rspca. And its him who has been making out we were friends. When it wasn’t friend ship he kept me there to emotional abuse me because i didnt eant a relationship with him and he is getting revenge now because i have a boyfriend and I didnt want him. met was part of the mutilation the game he would play. When I had puppies to look after. So it would We would play zombies every day. He would run me a bath cook me dinner he controled eveything I did. He made me feel isolated my family my friends noticed when they didnt see me at all. If i was allowed out it would be with him and only him . If I seen any of my friends when I was out with him he wouldnt let me stop to speak to them je would control who i see and who i talk to. That is when i realised i never gelt so alone. I didn’t realise at the time that I was going through emotional abuse. Then I would pluck up the courage to speak out to stand up for myself but he wiuld always put me down blame me for everything. If i did say anything he wouldn’t give me chnace to speak he would talk over me and start to shout at me. He would always shout at me and tell me i am not listening i need to listen to his advice. He is always telling me how to talk act the more i was in his compnay the more i thought is it me going crazy he would play these mind games and talk in a way that would confuse me then i started to doubt myself. Then we argued he shouted at me i started to cry and then he told me he don’t do this to nobody else just me because he loves me in different way. He would tell me i need his advice it helps me his demans that u need him in my life wherever i go he will find me. J told him i dont want to be friends with him any more and he starts
Calling me all these horrible names i am stupid bitch. So i ended the friendship and he tartwhen I wanted time to myself it was like I wasn’t allowed. And now I have a boyfriend. I told the police for the past 3 days it has happened every day Stuart has got his friends neighbours to think he is such a nice guy but I know different. Nobody knows what happens behind closed doors. So the police haven’t done anything I sit up every night with all the lights on my window is still broken I am breaking my silence. My name is Stacey

My Story – Amanda

It’s not my story but she’s no longer with us and her story should be told. October 17, 2022 my cousin Krystle LeeAnn Wilder was shot and killed by her boyfriend in front of their 3 year old daughter. He fled the scene with her body and their child and later shot and killed another man and accidentally shooting their daughter. Their daughter survived praise God. She is ok she is thriving. After custody battles with the offenders family and thousands of dollars her daughter was safe in the arms of LeeAnns sister. LeeAnn was 3 months old than me we were basically twins. She lived 2 minutes down the road and we worked together but even that close I was oblivious to the abuse she was suffering. She didn’t speak about it. For whatever fear it was she kept it all bottled up and continued to wear a smile and be the best mom ever. I should have been more aware of the signs but before her death DV wasn’t something I thought of and I wasn’t educated on. I’ve began to educate myself and the amount of violence from a partner is alarming. What alarmed me most was the amount of woman and men that didn’t speak for fear of not being believed or victim blooming. Ending the silence against DV is now a mission for me. You are worth it! One life saved from LeeAnns story is a life LeeAnn saved. Bringing change behind LeeAnns name! #JUSTICEforLeeAnn

My Story – Demi

I was in an 8 year relationship with someone who I thought loved and cared for me. Only now realising after being physically assaulted that I was being emotionally abused.
There had been many occasions where he treated me so poorly. But I just stayed because it was ‘easier’ and thought that’s what I deserved. I was also scared because he would stalk me at home and work or he would none stop call me or message me.
The occasion where he physically assaulted me took place, the police were involved and put an ADVO. He wasn’t able to come within 200m of me but due to our poor system he applied for it to be varied and the courts have changed the ADVO and he is allowed to be near me.

I’m scared and hold fear to move freely. However, I’m trying to be strong enough to pass through this and try to focus on myself and gain strength to life my life and be treated like a normal person should be treated. All this strength though that I have gained I wish to empower young women to break out of this vicious cycle.
I’m also glad I now understand what emotional abuse is as it has put my thoughts into perspective of how my relationship was within those 8 years.

Attacked in the Laundry Room

On Friday, my husband attacked me and locked me in our laundry room with him. . There was no argument or anything until a song that came on the radio apparently triggered something and he flipped a switch quickly and started accusing me and asking me bizarre questions. He continuously slammed me back against a wall, strangled me, busted my lip and screamed in
my face. There was no way that I could get past him. Although he has been verbally and physically abusive for 26 years, I have never felt like he would actually kill me, until this moment. I got as calm as possible and told him that if he let me go walk our dog that was freaking out, I would tell him everything after that. Even though there is nothing to tell. It worked. He let me go. I grabbed the dog and ran. I ran to my neighbor that knows us but he is deaf and couldn’t hear the ring doorbell. I became frantic. My husband, in a previous rage, (although friends with this neighbor) has pushed this man and caused him to be sore for weeks. So I knew he would believe me. But he couldn’t hear the door so I ran to the next house and the next house and just begged for someone to help me and to call 911. Finally someone did. In the meantime, one of my neighbors got in their car and started shouting that they had a firearm and I should not take another step. I’m in complete shock that my life is now being threatened again! I noticed the police had arrived at my house and felt some relief. Which quickly dwindled as I walked in and saw my husband sitting down and crying to them as if he was the victim. I went into the bedroom and saw that he had been going through my phone. I called my daughter and asked her to come get me. When she came home, he gave her a sob story too I guess bc I walked out of the room and saw her rubbing his back. I said” , what are you doing?!” And he threw his bottle of water at me and screamed for me to get out. Now I’m soaking wet and barefoot and on my lawn. I see the police just casually chit chatting with my neighbors. It’s obvious that everyone thinks I’m a lunatic and have made this all up. I lost it. I have desperately tried to get him help and to get myself some protection. No one helps. I started yelling and asking them what they were going to do to help and they told me to go back inside. I definitely fought to get out of their grasp and they slammed me down, shoved my face into the ground, stuck their knees in my back, handcuffed me, and arrested me. So now I’m in the cop car and I’m just trying to think and I realized that I may be able to use my watch, because they took my phone. My old neighbor used to tell me that he could profile Heath easily and that he knew he was manipulative and a suicide risk so I was asking them to call him bc he is a Gwinnett County detective. My watch didn’t work but Siri on the car heard me and so I asked her to call 911 again to get backup. When the next officer came I heard the conversation outside the car and couldn’t even believe my ears again! He was telling them they did a great job and asked me nicely to go back in the house and since I refused, I was in the wrong. I knocked on the window and he opened the door. I said, “ I can’t even believe what I’m hearing you say, haven’t you seen how many times I’ve called in the past for help?” And his reply was,”yes I have, and that proves that you have had plenty of time to get separated. “ Then I spent 9 hours in a disgusting holding cell being treated like a criminal. Disorderly conduct and public intoxication. I was at my own house. I’m at a complete loss and just really hate this world and will never ever call 911 as long as I live ever again. Oh, and the detective that I thought may be able to help me… called my parents and told them that I was arrested and needed to not use his name bc then everyone would think that we were having an affair if he helped me. And he also told my parents that women throw themselves against walls and claim their husbands did it all of the time.
What I went through and witnessed in the Gwinnett county jail is inhumane and something must be done asap.

I’m Breaking My Silence

I’m breaking my silence. My ex and I knew each other for around 9 to 10 years before I realized what had been done to me and blocked her on everything. We met at the anime club of the same college. Before she came out as trans, she and I were dating for at least one month. During those years, she coerced me into sexual acts, attempted to groom me into bestiality and sexually assaulted me. The first time she told me she was a zoophile, she locked me in her bedroom with her and asked me if I liked furry porn. She proceeded to show me several Pokémon NSFW pieces until she pulled up a bestiality video and started playing it. We were alone. Her mom was gone. She was staring at me with a serious look on her face after she started the video. I lied and said that it was hot, so she’d let me leave the room. She said, “See? The dog likes it.” Later that day, we were talking outside, and I tried to make it clear I didn’t like that kind of content. She looked at me sadly and said that I thought she was a sick f*ck. She then stared at me sadly while I looked away. After a while she asked me if I thought that way about her and I lied. I said no. This was not the first time she used my kindness against me. She had made it clear when I was speaking to her that she wasn’t afraid to threaten or doxx someone to keep her secret. I just wanted to be a good partner/friend.

While we were dating, she asked me to jerk her off in public at a park at night. We were sitting on a bench on a hill with people below us. I repeatedly said no because I was afraid of getting in trouble. Not getting the answer she wanted, she stared at me sadly until I complied. She then touched me in return, and I uncomfortably allowed it. She said that I liked it too. I did not. I tried to tell a friend about what happened and she immediately PMed (private messaged) me telling me to the friend that I misremembered what happened. She gaslit me into getting her out of trouble by asking me if what happened really happened the way I remembered and walking through a narrative she invented. All the while, she told the friend that I was lying. The friend ended up blocking me after I publicly stated that I misremembered what happened. She cared more about her image than my wellbeing. She didn’t apologize. She had no remorse. When we went to a sex party, she put hand sanitizer on my vagina despite my saying no because she didn’t want me to “get an infection”. For a second time, I told someone else what happened, and she once again privately messaged me to clear her name. She later told me that she felt that when I told my friends what she did that it was “women being women” again.

Before she broke up with me, she forced herself onto me while we were alone in her bedroom. I didn’t want to do anything sexual and told her no, but she still jumped onto my lap and grinded on me. I screamed and she got off, glaring at me like I did something wrong for not wanting it. I tried to talk to her years later about how hurtful that was, and she told me she was “sorry that happened” and “sorry I felt that way”. She said it was okay to be hurt and asked if I felt heard and understood after saying that I had accused her of sexual assault. I didn’t know it counted as sexual assault and didn’t use the term, but she said that’s what I was accusing her of. I didn’t feel heard or understood, but at that point I felt my honesty was not appreciated. I had tried twice in the past and both times I was coerced into lying. I told her yes. After hanging up with my ex I reached out to my therapists and a RAINN agent. All of them confirmed that it was sexual assault. I ended up isolating myself further once I realized what happened. After failing my classes I had to write an appeal to my college, explaining what happened and retraumatizing myself. I tried to tell a mutual “friend” months later and this person decided to fence sit, telling me that I had told them before and defending my ex. I had to block them too. They said that my ex was “left leaning”.

Throughout the years my ex became more and more right wing. She told me that she “didn’t want to pay for that sh*t” in reference to abortion access, despite my telling her I had been r@ped and would want that option if I needed it. She hung out with an alt-right YouTuber who despite my constantly supporting her, allowed the male YouTuber to ask me if he could snort cocaine off my @ss and pressured me to agree. She didn’t defend me in the slightest. She self-identified as an incel. She found an ex-friend’s address through emailing him a link using a throw away email to make sure he doesn’t try to expose her for being a zoophile. As she dated others, she would complain about her partners to me. She consistently dates mentally ill and unstable people for what I think is a selfish desire to “fix” them and be owed something in return, as well as being more able to groom them. One of her partners, a White woman, called me vile names and slurs. She continued dating this woman despite her absolutely hating me for reasons I still don’t understand. My ex told me her partner was insulting me and laughed, calling women catty when I got offended and insulted her partner in return. Once they broke up, my ex complained to me that she “helped” her get better and was then dumped. “She used me,” she said as I sat there on the other side of the phone.

Another partner she dated was a trans man who was extremely abusive to her and didn’t tell her he was a man until later in their relationship. She told me that after they broke up that the man (who she said she didn’t believe was trans) accused her of grooming her into making homemade bestiality porn. The man tried to call her out in a Facebook post, implying there was a zoophile in the group they were in. My ex, in response, made posts stating she was going to release a video of the abuse to her Facebook friends. The man was then forced to back down. I was immediately on her side, telling her that I was willing to jump the man if he ever came back to our city and no cops were around. I comforted her and she thanked me. I “nagged” her repeatedly to get therapy and she brushed me off. Years later, she finally agreed to therapy but only with one that agrees with zoophilia.

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