I first became victim to domestic violence when I was 19 years old. When corona virus hit it became worse than I could have ever imagined. I was so lucky my abuser left for another state. Unfortunately not so many are that lucky. Here is my story. My abuser was 7 years older than me, I first met him through a mutual friend, I really believed he was a good person and even had friends confirm it. We began seeing each other but nothing really serious, then he got back with his ex. I was upset but wasnt too bothered, I ended up meeting the most loving caring guy I have been with and began a relationship with him shortly after. Unfortunately this relationship began on the consumption of the drug Xanax. At the beginning it was fun but before I knew it it had turned into a daily addiction that would stay with me for longer than I could have ever imagined. Now little did I know the guy I was dating actually used to be really good friends with my abuser and once he saw a photo of me and him together he immediately started messaging me after weeks of not talking wanting me back and using the fact that he and my boyfriend were friends against me. Young and naïve with my conscious heavily effected by xanax, I left my boyfriend and went back to him. Not long after was when he first hit me. I was pretty messed up, and I accidentally called him my exes name. Next thing I knew the brightest flash of white flashed in my right eye. It swelled up and was black for weeks. I told every one it was an accident because thats what he had me believe. I knew deep down it wasnt but when you are on xanax you dont remember things and someone like my abuser will use that to their full advantage. Nothing can describe the confusion and self hate that comes with abuse and drug addiction. My ex finally convinced me to leave him and I was finally happy again. I had the best couple of months but then I fell back into my addiction and that wasnt the only bad habit I fell back into. I finally pushed it to far on new years eve when he messaged me and went back to him the next day. What i thought was a fresh new start was really the beginning of the worst experience of my life. He had gotten his own place so it was just me and him to start with. I was happy and sober but not long after coronaviruse hit and it took a turn for the worse. There were only a few occasion where he boke my phone, and would throw anything in his reach at me. I cold put up with that and I thought we were actually going to last but then i found out about a month in he had been cheating on me the whole time. Unfortunately for me the day i found out was the day he got a big order of xanax bottles. Beside myself not wanting to be around him i got my sister to come get me. I was alone in his room and found the bottles and took one. Wanting to forget about absoluety everything I probably swallowed half a bottle and nothing having had them in a couple of month it really messed me up. That plus the anger I was feeling towards him caused me to breakdown. Probably the worst day of my life. Typical me still went back to him and thats when it got bad. I would start fights about the cheating and rally just had no trust in him. That as well as him now selling me bottles weekly supplying my habit just became the worst combination. He couldnt stand me even bringing up the cheating. If we would argue or anything and his roommate was home, we would squeeze my jaw so tight so I would make any noise I thought was was going to break or dislocate my jaw. My memory is foggy on most of these occasions but there was one time i remember I made him so angry he choke held me against his laundry wall telling me he was going to kill me. I really thought he was going too and he only stopped when he saw my finger bleeding. At this point he had broken about 5 of my devices and even threw my clothes in the drain next door to his house at one point. Not lng after all this i found out he has sept with his ex. The way he comforted me was with valium and xanax. I still stayed but this just made out arguments even worse. On one night he hit me so hard her fractured my cheek an made my nose bleed. I remember the cops showing up because the neighbours had made a disturbance call. I woke up the next day completely unaware of what had happened. My right side of my face was so swollen i could barley open y eye. He had done a good job of cleaning up but there was still blood all around my mouth. Of course he said the screen door hit me when i was coming into the house but that wasnt true. I sat in that house forr over a week while my face went down. I was so sceptical and confused but I did move out. I also stupidly stayed with him again. Then he decided he was moving to queensland and wanted me to come with. I agreeed at the time. We went up for his initial stay and I drove 10 hours for him just to be talking to other girls while I was up there. We returned home and he convinced me to book a hotel for two night before he moved up because he was too scared of his house mate or something. Silly me booked it thinking this could be something nice for us to do. Stupid me. We ended up getting in a massive fight, he had me on the ground at one oint kicking me in the stomach he woulnt let me leave and said if the cops came he would tell them all the drugs were mine. I ran into the bathroom trying to ring someone on my phone but he followed me and smahed my phone on the basinet. It got to the point where i was just crying begging for him to let me leave and he told me i could suck him off and then i could leave and when i refused to do that he gave me the ultimatum of doing it or hed book an escort to come do it for him and id have to stay and watch then i could leave. He literally started looking up escorts on some site so you bviously know what I did. Finally after that he left for queensland and that was the last time i sa him. I ended up waking up to my sense and going to the police with everything I had, the photos and few other reports i had made verified everything but unfortunately this was through corona viruses and it was just too difficult to charge him. To this day the AVO isnt in force so if he decides to return there is nothing to stop him. This whole ordeal is still very raw and I still suffer from extreme depression axiety and ptsd.
