“Empowered by Survival: From Victim to Survivor of Domestic Violence” by Omni

My name is Omni and I’m a Domestic Violence Survivor, not a victim….. A
quick little background story. I’m a mother of 4. I moved to Dallas about 8 years ago. I arrived with 1 child now I have children.
So I’ve had my experiences with men as I’m sure most women have. I come from a violent childhood and it’s funny because we never stop to think about how the pattern started until the damage is done and then sometimes it still never occurs to us. We tend to think “WE” are the problem. But no, my Higher Power says I’m strong and I FIX problems. I’m a problem solver. So, I come from a violent, disruptive, dysfunctional childhood. I noticed at 14 that I was into much older men, not being honest about my age. Claiming to be older than I was, let me point out that’s a red flag. I was seeking a father figure all the while. Others may see it as being what we call ‘grown’ another term ‘fast’… However, it was something deeper there. I began wishing for a baby, at 14 mind you. My thoughts were, “I want to be loved”. My mother couldn’t understand it and she used to say things like “you want a baby that bad” , not knowing it was a cry for help. I felt worthless and not cared for. I wanted someone to love me with no conditions before I was mature enough to understand what that even meant. I was abused physically, verbally, sexually, mental and emotionally. I was tarnished as a child. I wasn’t given a fair chance. I felt anyway. Now into adulthood, I’m chasing validation from friends, men, the world to convince me that I’m worth it. I was never shown love as a child so how could I know what it was right? So now I find myself mentally and emotionally unstable, want love but can’t give or receive it. I’m finding myself in violent relationships now, until there was one I had a child with. Near death experience. It was then, my eyes were open. I didn’t like what was happening, didn’t understand it, but how do I get out?! I was strangled, verbally abused, near suffocation at one point, slapped around, manipulated into sexual acts that I didn’t want to participate in, and worse of all the one that always got me, was “I love you but I’ll kill you”. I was always confused like how do you use those words in the same sentence. If I cried, it was “you acting out” and “you wanna show out” at
home, in public, it didn’t matter. I was always embarrassed and so miserable. He controlled all my money and kept lock on my debit card it was horrible. We were always being sabotaged because of his actions behind his anger, jealousy, impulsiveness, behind his control. I couldn’t work more hours than him, and overtime, absolutely NOT! If my check was bigger than his it was a problem…. There was so much I experienced. I started googling his behaviors and it was then reality hit. I’m in a domestic Violence relationship. I cried so hard, I couldn’t believe I had gotten myself into this. Then I got pregnant. I was abused in my pregnancy. It was then, I left and for good and had him arrested. I had been strangled. Couldn’t breathe and 8 weeks pregnant. I was harassed by his family saying things like “I’m lying” and “drop the charges”…. I didn’t. I had the opportunity to put him in prison, but I prayed “Lord I just wanted him out my life, but if I make this choice it will be out of revenge and I will have to pay for that. Let your will be done I want no parts” and that’s what happened. It was done. I was free…. God saved me. Saying all that to say, we see the red flags. We have to love ourselves. Work on our subconscious mind. Retrain our thinking from all that childhood trauma. We are worth it! We aren’t worthless!! We are winners!! We do conquer!!! We carry and bare children. We can do anything!!!! Never allow yourself to be placed into a situation that compromise your worth. Learn it first and then NEVER compromise it!!!!! I want you all to be blessed, love on each other, uplift and find worth in one another so that you may show it to her when it’s been suppressed and forgotten about… Remind each other… Most importantly, I believe there’s life and death in the
power of the tongue so claim and speak your status as a SURVIVOR not a VICTIM….. You will WIN… I thank God for my life and that u conditional love I had been searching for, God has given that to me. He has taught me to love myself and the only person I need validation from is HIM and he loves me in my good and bad moment. He forgives and continue to uplift me, always helping to become better. May God protect and lead us all….