Escaping the Cycle: My Decade of Emotional Abuse and the Journey to Reclaim My Life

I have spent 10 years with an emotional abuser and I can’t begin to explain the turmoil that I have been through time after time right up until today and I’m now hoping today is the very last day. He has been an emotional abuser from the very first week of getting with him, he had cheated with his ex-girlfriend constantly throughout the 10 years. She used to ring him all day every day I wake up to her and I went to bed to her. Their lies and manipulation and teaming up together. I had to become Adelaide’s Best detective. So the story, I’m telling you is based on true facts. It’s no assumptions no conspiracy theories, just pure black and white facts that have either been confessed, admitted or confirmed Anything else, all the mind games and the wondering i won’t bother, but that’s where the mind gets fed throughout that time . I now believe I have become crazy. I keep saying to myself maybe I did I exaggerate or did I instigate it? One thing I do know is that I was the one feeling sad, feeling hurt and gutted by him constantly. Always wondering what he’s up to and being blamed for my reactions and having my character defamed to all family, and friends and employers. It seemed as if not once when someone says how are you going? Could I actually turn around and give them a positive answer because it was always terrible. It’ll be like two steps forward six steps back. It wasn’t just the ex that he cheated on me with continuously. It was other random girls. That aren’t really worth discussing right now, but we’re intense at the time. There is a boyfriend that he has met on an Internet dating line, and he regularly sees and still does today, but I accepted it because it was a male and because he said that he was the receiver not the giver with his obsessed sexual activity. That’s his life. Then there was the next X when she answered his phone and said stop calling we’re trying to sleep we have to work in the morning. She said they had a Sex couple times. He sleeps at my house every single night and randomly doesn’t come home. Often. He swore black and blue for six months, that he did not sleep with her when I finally made contact with her again. She admitted it to me and said yes I did she was sorry but he told her that we were not together that I was crazy So he tells everyone I’m crazy his family his first ex his boyfriend now another ex. He tried to sleep with my best friend and went against me with her throughout all of this and again it was all my fault. Yet all I did was trust them both because they were my two best friends. And gave them everything and helped them with everything. At this stage my mental health is really suffering. I have been at fault as I have been reactive. I stand up for myself. I have to justify myself. I have had to text these people or to call these people to put my Point across , it then turned around to me being the one to contacting and abusing them and I was the crazy one for doing so. I tried to end the relationship so many times, when that happened I felt like I was attending a funeral. I can’t understand why I was so in love with him. when I was with him he used to make it sound that he was really in love with me too, and we did get along really well and he is actually a really nice guy. But then he does all these bad things like cheating, lying stealing backstabbing causing any friendship I had with anyone to end. He wouldn’t let me move on, and he always came back two days later, and I always let him back in the door, because I was so used to him, i used to forgive him all the time, but he just kept on doing it again and again and again each time got worse and kicks me in the guts harder than the last. But he played e everything down, as if it was really nothing. When he was with me it always seemed like we were in love and a good couple until he did the wrong thing. It’s like he couldn’t help himself. He was addicted to the drama. He has four ex-girlfriends he states that they’re all crazy we all seem to be the same, so then there was the third X now she’s topped it off for me because this one was very first girlfriend and she raves on saying that she was his only love now I don’t mind if he has a friend with his ex-girlfriend, as long as he’s not crossing over the line, but they have well and truly crossed over the line with their lies and their behind my back meeting up. They bad mouth to each other as if the bad seed in this whole relationship. saying I’m crazy, jealous and insecure, and that everyone hates me. She is meant to be in the mental health area as a mentor to as a narcissistic victim survivor yet she is the abuser in my eyes as I can’t understand why she would’ve allowed this to happen to me or take his word for gospel she hasn’t even met me before . Its a worry when you’re mentors are living a fake identity. Again promises after promises of no intentions, she then like the last ex answered his phone to me. This was the icing on the cake because I was never allowed to touch his phone. I certainly wasn’t allowed to read his phone from any of his potential people that he had cheated on, and if I had to write them a message then I was the abuser, but he allowed her to take over his phone read everything write what she wanted and got away with it and he then said she was not crazy. She sent me messages saying she’s going to report me to the police and make sure that that I get go to jail if I have any contact with him or speak to him, she was gonna make sure that I end up in prison and stating all my personal details I wonder how on earth she even knew my address and about my personal life. When she hadn’t even met me, she was nasty to me and derogative. Calling me an old hag. Because I’m Older than him. The threat of writing a detailed report on me if I contact anyone. She is the daughter of the head of Police and has actioned this in the past many times on people that have crossed her. It caused me to be so stressed I couldn’t eat sleep or function, me to think of what she could actually be capable of has scared me so much that I feel sick. The AVO that wasput on us, he always tell me that it didn’t exist, but that he wanted to put an avo on me. What he didn’t understand was that I didn’t put the avo on him. The police did yet he wanted to set me up , he knew how I would react. He knows how how I feel about things, and he knows how I would react to things, and he knows that I’m pretty understanding to a certain point . Which he crosses that point each time he knows he’s gonna get a reaction as it becomes Principal with me, and I react harder each time, and it gets worse each time . Then I’m on a vicious cycle that I just can’t seem to snap out of having this ex answer the phone to me and go through this the second time round has finally hit Home for me of how dangerous he is. What he’s done to me the sleepless nights the loss of work, the loss of times spent with my children, my health, my looks my life, I have allowed him to ruin and he did this on purpose. He did not show one bit of remorse the whole time except turn it on me to make. It seem like it was my fault. I am in a no win situation and losing and a fighting battle. He is too good at what he does and how he manipulates every situation and ends up being all my fault. He basically has led me up the garden path and used me for ten years. When he stayed at mine for free nearly every night and I fed him breakfast lunch and dinner. He never paid any rent or any bills or put in towards food. So now I’m needing help so badly to get over this and to get my life back. There’s a lot of things I have left out as to being way too personal and not appropriate to be publicly advertised.