Surviving Manipulation and Control a Survivor’s Story.
By Anonymous
The Manipulation Starts
It was the day after my birthday that a relationship that seemed to good to be true ended. I had met the guy on facebook. Anytime he was suppose to take me on a date he never would.
The reason behind that I would find out later. The day after my birthday when my relationship ended, thats when my abuser came in and swept me off my feet.
I was vulnerable, I fell into a trap. Everything was perfect I thought I had met my prince charming.
There were certain red flags that happened, but I chose to ignore them.
Being Possessive
He was very possessive though at first he down played it. All in all, he didn’t want me talking to guys. I went with it because I didn’t want to upset him.
He would soon appear on the news of not reporting to his parole officer. Not to mention, that the police were looking for him.
Manipulation, Lies, and Jail Time
He reassured me that he called his PO and straightened everything out. He lied about that, and used manipulation to change my feelings. Another red flag I ignored.
It wasn’t till he was arrested for child support that my nightmare started. He would plead with me over the phone and in letters to not talk to other guys. I would put tons of money on his books to make sure he could talk to me and get commissary.
He would treat me different. If he thought I was talking to a guy, or being unfaithful he would be short with me and act different. Until I would apologize over stuff that never happen and beg him to go back to normal.
My Family Didn’t Know
My parents didn’t know I was dating him. However, my mom followed me one day to the jail and she was furious. My relationship with my family became strained. I would have constant arguments with my mom and my ex would play on that emotion.
I became dependent on him, I would turn to him he would manipulate me making me think he was the only person in my life that understood me. We have so many arguments over the phone, he was part of the worker crew at the jail.
He would accuse me being out doing stuff, he would say I saw your car driving from a house what were you doing? No matter how much I cried and told him I wasn’t doing anything, he never believed me. It was all manipulation and emotional abuse.
Witnesses and Others Becoming Involved
My hair dresser even had to step away when I was in a argument with him over the phone. I was bawling my eyes out, she was in another room crying for me.
I was a shell of my former self. Struggling with sleep, in financial trouble because I became his cash cow. If I didn’t put money on his books he would guilt trip me.
Soon he would be transferred to another jail for another warrant out of state, I managed to bond him out. My mom was livid but I didn’t care because I was finally with him.
Only Getting Worse
Things only got worse the verbal abuse became an almost everyday thing. Not to mention the mental abuse. He would sit at the tables at my work watching me making sure I wasn’t talking to any males though I had no choice because I had 2 male bosses.
My coworkers were not comfortable with him sitting there watching. They thought it was strange I didn’t say anything about it. He would accuse me having sexual intercourse with both my bosses in the walk-in freezer we had. That was awful and I didn’t know what more to do to explain.
I couldn’t do anything without him nit picking me for everything. If we were out in public i was to keep my head low I wasn’t allowed to look at guys. The manipulation and emotional control was so complete.
If he thought I was he would get angry and say “Do you want me to get that guy’s number for you? Since you keep looking at him?”.
Manipulation Turns Into Sexual Abuse
There was a time that he wanted to try a new sexual position. I didn’t want to but he pressured. That night he tried to rape me. I was bawling my eyes out pleading for him to not do it. He didn’t even prepare me for it he was gonna take me raw.
Thank goodness for the next door neighbor who heard my cry, they saved me that day. I was so scared to leave him. Because he threatened to hurt my family and my coworkers. So I had to stay because I was scared.
Physical Abuse and Domestic Violence
Soon things got physical we were in a heated argument in the car. That’s when he slammed my wrist into my car arm rest. I was wailing. He had never done that, and he kept apologizing and of course I forgave him.
I felt it was my fault that it happened. Every argument we have I always took blame for it and it pleased him.
Soon I began to rebel against him he didn’t like it.
I Found Out He Cheated
I found out later on that he would cheat on me. Even getting another woman pregnant. After almost 5 years or abuse it finally ended.
It was the day before Christmas Eve when finally I ended things. It was terrifying for the first time, in a long time I was alone.
I didn’t care he was abusive. I had someone in my life and I wanted that person to stay regardless.
I Was Catfished
It wasn’t until later on I put two and two together realizing that the relationship I had before it ended the day after my birthday the guy was never real.
It was my abuser the whole time playing me pulling me along to fall into his web of manipulation. Where he would have me so vulnerable that I would soon fall for him thinking he was my prince charming that came to save me.
Surviving and Finding Love
I am now married to an amazing man. I will never get closure for why my abuser did. My family, my coworkers, none of them know what I went through. They had their suspicions of his manipulation and abuse, but no one knew the whole truth.
I may have escaped my abuser, but his imprint still lingers on me. I have zero patience I have my guard up all the time. All together, it’s so hard to have. I get defensive easily. Not to mention, I have anger issues, something I never had until after things ended.
I’m a Survivor of the Manipulation and Lies
Some days are better than others. However, in the end I’m a survivor not a victim.
A survivor. I encourage to everyone if there are red flags you see please leave. Leave the relationship.
I lost almost 5 years of my life that I can’t make up that I was in the lowest in my life.
I lost the girl I once was and became someone stronger. Also, someone that learned bad habits from the relationship.
There is a light at the end of the tunnel in a abusive relationship with manipulation and lies. Never give up be strong don’t loose yourself! Don’t let someone tell you your worth.
You are worthy. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. I am glad I walked away. That I’m still here, alive. That I’m living my BEST LIFE!
