It started with a move to a state I loved, but it was rural and isolated. Next came the verbal abuse name calling and threats. I realized that he had made me nothing. My name was on nothing and we weren’t legally married. Financial control. So I got a job, name now on bank account. I made friends locally which made him less important. Now the verbal tirades happened in front of our boys. There was an occasional physical grab, which usually resulted in me hitting back. Family trips became a nightmare of arguing until he tried to cancel a trip to see his family, I told him to go back home, call HIS mom and explain that we weren’t coming because he was angry. After that, the boys and I had numerous trips without him that were always fun. Then he decided that he wanted to explore and move out west. I sent him on an adventure so I didn’t have to listen to his verbal abuse. Fate stepped in and the new property was placed in my name. This was leverage for me. I became indifferent to his threats, so he turned his anger to our boys, in particular our younger son. Then came time for him to pull the isolation trick with my property out west. Again, I let him go, knowing that it would give us all a break from his abuse. We actually went on a trip out there and I had my epiphany as I sat alone at a College bowl game while he had the boys at a mall. I knew I couldn’t move out there with him, his abuse was ramping up because I had no one out there but him. He trapped me in a corner of the kitchen, teeth clinched and balled up fist. I asked him what he thought he was going to do and he backed away. I began using my iPad to video his abuse of the boys, I went to a local domestic abuse center and created an escape plan. He wanted to take our younger son to live out west with him. He had guns, he threatened to kill us all in a murder suicide, he was mentally ill with no actual diagnosis. I secured a place to rent, I encouraged him to go west first and we would follow when school ended. I told my older son the plan, so he could help if needed. I stopped my direct deposit, got my own credit card, buying a car with that card He called about the direct deposit, but I already knew my response. I finally told my younger son and he was relieved, he was worried about living with his dad. We moved our stuff and took what was most important. I left to keys, the car and paperwork about abuse. I was scared, not knowing how he would react. I gave him a fake reservation at a hotel halfway. We secured our new place and left town. He called the local sheriff to report us missing, they knew right away, but had to make contact with me. He sent sappy emails, claiming he would change, he tried to reach the kids, but they stayed silent. I had to sue him to get my property rights. He lied under oath, but I got the local property and he got the western property. My older son has since graduated college and married his high school sweetheart,
my younger son is finishing his BS in business
I am glad to be free, I worry about anyone stuck with an abuser during this time of quarantine. Stay strong, make a plan, keep your circle small and freedom will come.
Notice: The names in this story are fictitious to protect the request for anonymity.
