Finding My Voice: Breaking the Silence on Domestic Abuse

I’m new here Because I didn’t think I belonged. I wore the idea that I was broken, which altered my perception of events. Coming from a long line of abused women fed into the idea that, yeah, my brokenness was at play. But after leaving for the third time in 14 years, I started to question the bullshit I was being spoon-fed. But sadly, even with a new perspective, I can’t find the way out. I still question the reality around me because his voice speaks over my own, even in my head. I’m not allowed to share any of this, and the fear of being known and identified keeps the muzzle around my lips. Emotional abuse, sexual abuse, and physical.. id even argue spiritual. That said, after reading a few blogs after searching “abusive husband”.. I find myself angry. Angry that the words I just read make it sound so easy to leave. I’ve had many of my family members say the same back when we were on speaking terms. I’m angry because I too believed the idea that women can be powerhouses. That they can compete in a world that often doesn’t even allow them to entertain the idea. But there isn’t a way out. It’s a lie I’ve don’t the hard things I obtained a career that women is a minority and structured to push us out Yet I did it. I’m here And still, I’m trapped by a power I can’t overcome The kids are not aware and are well-loved by the abuser, So staying is best for them, and that too makes me angry Who can say they won’t take a hit for their kids At this point I find myself defeated Accepting that I just have to play his fucking game to survive Maybe if I’m agreeable and reassuring to him I’ll make it through until my kids are old enough to comprehend