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I am a Survivor

"...he then comes grabs me hands me an ice pack and cuddles me and says “Well if you wouldn’t have gotten mad and started yelling, or acting crazy I wouldn’t have to set you straight”

July 7th, 2019

My story starts out as everyone’s, he was sweet kind, bought me a car, helped me with things around the house. I noticed some signs, one was other girls texting him about coming over but I thought we just started dating let it go, so I would ask him and he said “why are you doing this?” I respond “I’m sorry I should not have even looked at your phone.”

I was always saying sorry, I was always thinking well maybe if I didn’t ask you so many questions you wouldn’t have yelled at me. Days went on things would be going well then he would switch and say “Why the fuck are you here?” “You are so crazy no one likes you!”

Then I started to think I am crazy some days but it’s because of the things you tell me, but maybe I shouldn’t react that way. Your right I have no one around anymore it is me. Then the hits would start coming in, first it was a push or pulling of the hair. Then one night he threw me down, kicked me, spit in my face saying “You are a worthless cunt!” Then he punches me in the head and then chokes me. I’m crying in pain yelling, he then comes grabs me hands me an ice pack and cuddles me and says “Well if you wouldn’t have gotten mad and started yelling, or acting crazy I wouldn’t have to set you straight.”

You know, you are right maybe I did over react again, maybe you just didn’t want to do something with me and I should not have asked you any questions. Months pass and you tell me I’m Mental, I have no friends, no one will love me again, you are gaining weight, you are eating a lot. The words just go threw my head and I think well he is right.

Then another argument happens and this time I try to fight back I throw things, I am screaming at how much I hate him and why do you treat me like this. Next thing I’m laying on the floor holding my face crying, can’t even speak and all you say is “you fucking done now, get the fuck out” I start walking to the door with my phone this time I am calling you in.

I go to work with bruises, you broke my hand once, and I lie about what is going on, you lie and say that I’m crazy. So no one will believe me when I say you hit me because they have seen me argue with you. But they don’t know you start it, you poke at me when we’re around friends then when I react you get mad and hit me and say stop doing this you have no friends because of this.

It’s been awhile we are on a date you were going to leave I asked for my keys so I could drive home. I wanted my keys! I didn’t yell or anything I was so calm. I see a couple walk by the disappear in the dark, next thing you attacked me in PUBLIC! You punched my head again so many times, you already hurt my jaw from before and you make my head worse again.

You choke me, I can’t breath you try to gag me with your fingers saying “shut up stop fucking screaming what is wrong with you? are you that mental?” I can’t answer I can’t speak but I yell help! This time I’m saved this time I call the cops, this time people seen you attack me! You get out and I come to see you, you start with your mental abuse towards me so I throw a small box of mine and say “you have fucked with my head long enough” I have hit my mental breakdown point.

He comes at me throws me down, punches me and walks away saying “you just want me in jail that’s why you do this you want me to have nothing because your jealous of me and that I have a life and friends” this time I don’t take blame! It’s not me, I have had friends they became distant because i wouldn’t do anything, I would cover things up for you. You never meet my friends but I meet yours. It was always with your friends and not mine. So I always had friends but it was easier to show your friends who I wasn’t then try to show my real friends that I’m so crazy because they know the truth.

You tell your friends lies so it’s easy, the police think I lie because you sweet talk them and as soon as they leave you take my phone, you hit me and say next time won’t be a next time I’ll have you gone before you can even grab your phone you worthless cunt.

I stayed 3 years because I loved him, I still loved him! I’m now obsessed over him, and I’m really doing things I have never did to someone because you have me so mentally unstable thinking I can’t do anything on my own so I beg to come back even though I didn’t do anything you attacked me you hit me you abused me. But I’m begging for you not to leave? But I’m not begging I deserve to love myself again and be happy and have my life back.

You will not take my life, I am going to better without you.

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