DOMESTIC VIOLENCE AFFECTS EVERYONE
It is not just a female issue.
When people hear about domestic violence, the image of a female experiencing abuse often rushes to mind. Contrary to popular belief, women are not the only people experiencing domestic violence. Men are victims too. The Centers for Disease Control estimates, “About 1 in 3 men [experience] contact sexual violence, physical violence, and/or stalking by an intimate partner during their lifetime.” I’m sure this is an underestimate of the actual number of men in the population who have faced domestic violence—society’s expectations on men do not make it easy for them to acknowledge that they have been victims. Society often characterizes men by their physical prowess. When they voice that they have been victimized, men are stigmatized as less capable or weak. This creates a barrier to their stepping up and speaking out about domestic violence. Even though many men have indirectly or directly been affected by domestic violence, it is still overwhelmingly seen as a “female issue.” Men don’t feel welcome in the conversations about domestic violence.
It is important that men feel included in the fight against domestic violence since they are valuable members of the team fighting against this issue. So, what can we do to better partner with men in the fight against domestic violence? What can men who want to break their silence do to fight domestic violence?
Encourage Men to Tell their Stories of Domestic Violence
Almost everyone knows someone who has been affected by domestic violence. Inviting men to share their stories of situations involving domestic violence gets them talking about the problem and brings them into this important conversation. Hearing other men talking about the topic may inspire male victims to come forward, seek the help they need, and/or tell their own stories.
Their stories may involve being a direct victim of domestic violence, stalking, sexual assault, sexual coercion, and/or a childhood victim powerless to help a parent who was being abused. Their stories also may include witnessing abuse but not knowing how to address it. They may have also experienced being a partner to someone who has suffered abuse, and perhaps not knowing the best ways to be supportive.
Invite Men to Volunteer for the Cause
Recently I attended a movie screening for a film depicting various forms of domestic violence. This event took place on a college campus. We invited fraternities and sororities on campus to volunteer as ushers and attendants. Several young men from one of the fraternities came to volunteer. It was deeply encouraging to see so many young men engaging in this important topic. As a result, one volunteer revealed that his mother was a survivor of domestic violence. By coming forward and sharing his story, he encouraged a couple of others to engage in a conversation about the topic.
I encourage all organizations fighting for the cause to invite men’s volunteer organizations to these kinds of events and open a door to those who may have suffered as victims & child witnesses.
Actively Recruit Men to Work for Domestic Violence Organizations
Since women are often the face of domestic violence organizations, men often don’t feel welcome in these spaces. Men may feel more welcome to come forward and seek help from these organizations if they feel represented by the organizations. Having men working with these organizations sends the message that we see they are victims, too, and they are welcome to break their silence.
Offer Positive Examples of Healthy Interactions
In daily life, men can set positive examples of healthy male and female interactions in society. When fathers allow their children to see them modeling kindness towards women, this plants a seed in their mind for how they should treat women. Children learn by observation, so if they observe positive interactions between men and women they learn from these interactions.
Men can model healthy ways to resolve conflict that do not involve abusive tactics.
This quote by Will Young says it all, “Violence needs to stop. All of us, Men and Women need to speak up and teach our children that violence is never the solution.”
Men Can Lead Conversations about Domestic Violence in their Meeting Spaces
Let’s start a movement of men who aren’t afraid to stop violence against women.
-Carlos Andres Gomez
Men should have conversations with other men about domestic violence. This can raise awareness about all the facets of domestic violence. Specifically, they can inform other men that domestic violence exists in many forms. Sometimes people think that if they didn’t hit someone, no abuse has occurred. By discussing some of the less commonly known forms of abuse with other men (for example: verbal, financial, and psychological abuse) they help to raise awareness. This awareness could help to discourage other men from perpetuating abuse. These conversations can take place in the meeting spaces where men typically gather (for example: the barbershop, church groups, sports clubs, etc.)
How can we expect men to show up if they are not invited? We must actively reach out to men and let them know we want them to be a part of the fight against domestic violence. Men can be valuable members of the team fighting against this issue. This article offers some potential ways men can be included in the fight against domestic violence.
This quote by Patrick Stewart summarizes the valuable role men can play in the fight against domestic violence:
The people who could do the most to improve the situation of so many women and children are in fact men. It’s in our hands to stop violence towards women.
Resources:
Intimate Partner Violence, Sexual Violence, and Stalking Among Men by the CDC
https://www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/intimatepartnerviolence/men-ipvsvandstalking.html
