It Started My Freshman Year

We met back in high school, on my first day of freshman and he was a junior. He was charming and he wouldnt keep his gaze off me. We met through my cousin. They dated for a week. As soon as we got the “ok” from my cousin we were inseprable. I loved the way he looked at me with his hazel eyes and sweet smile. I shouldve known from when he cheated it shouldve been over forever. Not just cuz he cheated, but he changed dramatically after wards. I couldnt talk to any boy or teacher in school. I couldnt have certain friends he did not like. I had to wear what he told me to wear and no makeup or else it would be bad. Big bite marks on my cheeks and lips that would bleed, were signs of “LOVE” to him, eventually me. Soon became time and time again he would cheat with even younger girls in middle school that i was done. He called ne every name in the book even though i was so loyal and even lost my V CARD with him. Fast track 9 years later. We talked off and on until he got married. He wanted to leave her before the wedding day but if i had broke up with my bf at the time and because i didnt, he went off to marry. I had a baby and he was going to have his first with his wife at the time. He confessed he still loved me. I thought he changed , and he finally came to live with me after his daughter was born 6 months in her life. I got pregnant immediately after. We were good, he was everything i hoped he would be. His divorce was ugly though but i told him to fight to see his daughter as well. Long story short we moved back in town where his first daughter was, with my son and our daughter. Our daughters finally met after 4 years in there life. But things were goinf bad for me and my then husband and i was pg with our 2nd daughter. He was becoming a drunk. He started to treat me worse, accusing me of cheating when i was always home with the kids. Im no saint but it was getting to hard, when all i wanted to do was keep my family. He was a good provider is what i always told myself. But things got worse and worse each year. Bruises were hard to hide. I got into drinkinng to just to feel nothing. But sometimes itd get worse. My kids saw alot. He made me feel worthless by laughing in my face and having his hand on my neck but not squezzing hard enough because he said i wasnt worth it and then laugh. Id cry and hed laugh and call me a little girl. I would cry alone in bed and he would pinch my cheeks so hard cuz i wouldnt talk to him. Yell in my face and hurt my body. And whdn i would tell him no he waz so agressive and pull my pants down and his and say “see i dont get hard no more ur not attractive ur disgusting” and meanwhile he had his hand over my face and i could scream or breath. Luckily my son came in the room and he got off. That was my last straw. Not to mention how he would treat my kids sometimes. I cry everytime i think how much i took and no one will ever know. I lost family friends. Its a mess, but now he has a e year restraining order. But it hurts to hear when my kids say they miss him. Especially the smallest one who cries and sees dads with there kids. Its horrible, but im glad im out. Things are just hard though. I still cry like if it happened yesterday. Someone i loved and saw as my protector and beautiful , became a monster in my eyes.