I talk about this a lot because I have friends on my Facebook who are going through these things and when I say “I am here for you” they tell me I don’t know what they are going through… let me tell you… my past sucks!… I ruined majority of my friendships because my past relationship. I dropped out of college. I commited crimes and served time. I was so brainwashed I didn’t even see it was wrong because it was the matter of doing the crime or go home and cry myself to sleep with hands around my throat for not doing it. I was told I was stupid. I was told my body was disgusting. I was told I was fat and No one would ever want me because I was “damaged goods”. I have PTSD from my past. I have nightmares and it has been 2 years…I’d have panic attacks when I was away because I’d get picture messages of my personal belongings being ruined. In the thick of losing myself I sat down at the kitchen table I remember telling myself “You’re in too deep. You have a buisness license with him. You have a 2 year lease with him. You have 3 animals and zero friendships to turn to because you took your “mans” side over your friends. This is how life is going to be. Stay quite and you’ll be protecting yourself” I vividly remember telling myself this over and over again.. I worked 3 jobs because I did not want to be “home”. No one saw my signs because I hid them and told lies. No one got me help because I’d defended him and denied the abuse. I’d get my phone taken from me and hidden for days at a time to prevent me from screaming out to my family. I had to crawl to my front door after the first time I was strangled and I ran down the street half way dressed gasping for air just to get a message that my animals were going to die if i didnt come get them. I thought if I left Id have to get rid of my animals and either be homeless with them or a burdan on my family without them. I feared I’d be thousands of dollars in debt from the car note and apartment in my name when I broke the lease. I feared he would find me and make me sorry for the last time. He acted normal in front of mutual friends but was every open when it came to “his boys”…. They knew. I was alone for the full 3 years. So don’t tell me I don’t know how you feel because even after all that bullshit I still stayed. It took a real man to recognize I needed help before I got my mind right and got strong. But if I would have told the truth and stayed on the right path I’d already have my Masters Degree right now and I’d be able to sleep at night normally… I’d be able to give 1000% to my current man without him having to repair me because he does not deserve any of it. Please speak up. You have to want the help and believe you have self worth. Please message me. I do know.
#BTSADV
Notice: The names in this story are fictitious to protect the request for anonymity.
