Dear 19-year-old me:
This is 38-year-old me. I have come from the future and I have some things to share with you. You are beautiful, smart, kind, sweet, and joyful. I know you walk to work now, but one day you will drive a new car. You are going to be the mother of two boys. The letters Dr. will be in front of your name. I wish that telling you these things could save you from some of the other things in your future. Right now you just want to get away from the craziness, unpredictability, mood swings, and chaos at home. Remember the violence. Remember always being compared to others and being made to feel like you were ugly. Right now, you feel like the solution is to run away from all of this and run to the arms of a man who will be a prince charming and save you. I come to you to tell you, this is just a fantasy and there is no prince charming to save you. The tools to save you are already in you. You have the power inside to overcome the wrongs that have been done against you. You will meet some men. Three to be exact. They will each be another form of the chaos you experienced at home. On the outside, they look nice and charming but behind closed doors, they will mistreat you. I know you haven’t learned these things yet but I want to teach you so you can avoid the pain I' I’ve seen. Here is some advice so you can avoid the pain I’ve seen:
#1. Do not engage with a man who yells at you:
#2. Don’t trust a man who lies and cheats.
#3. Never be with a man who can’t invite you to his home.
#4. Run away from a man the 1st time he hits you. Don’t give him a 2nd chance.
#5. Sex can be used to control you. Tame your cravings so it doesn’t get the best of you.
#6. Say No to anything that makes you feel uncomfortable.
#7. Some men will prey on your kindness.
#8. Never support a man financially. He is not your child.
#9. If a man throws objects (e.g., a cell phone) he will throw you.
#10. Don’t be afraid to leave what is not working.
#11. Never trust a man who blames everyone else for his past mistakes and problems.
#12. Real love unfolds slowly.
#13. Sex is for married people.
#14. Be comfortable being alone without a man. You can make it.
#15. Listen to that little voice inside, even if you don’t like what it’s saying.
#16. Instead of running to a man, seek counseling and healing from God for your self-esteem issues.
#17. Trust the person a man shows you he is.
#18. Listen to your friends.
#19. A 38-year-old man has nothing in common with a 19-year-old woman except sex.
#20. You are amazing, talented, loved, and accepted by people. #21. You are not all the bad things people have said about you.
#22. You are not all the bad things you think about yourself.
#23. Don’t turn away from God. Love him, learn him, and grow in him.
#24. Learn what love looks like before you try to find it.
#25. Trust God and mistrust anyone who moves you away from God.
#26. Love doesn’t hurt.
#27. Love is not scary or angry.
#28. Forgive yourself. You will make it dear. You will see some tough times, but you are not defined by these things. Use them as steps to take you to the future. I love you. I wish I could’ve saved you from the pain. I will leave this letter so that someone can read it and save it.
Sincerely signed with love, My 38-year-old self
